floating in this place
As rough as things have been, God has been there. The day i updated my journal, that afternoon on the beach I understood why its not important to grow b/c of my narcissistic needs, but for God. Again i am so rushed for time. This has been the most challenge time since i have been a believer, but He is committed to me. I confess I have known nothing of Him and His word, only glimpses and fleeting moments becuase of my eagerness to push away His presence and deny His love. It hurts so much, but God is my healer, my Father. This is the first time I have seen what the body of Christ is suppose to be like and for the first time have desired it. In doing so, i have slowly begun to become vulnerable to my brothers and sisters. Only two weeks left and I am tears with what then? But God is sovereign and all i ever need is Him and He will provide. I am tearing up at this coffee shop thinking of the lady on the beach and how God arranges everything so perfectly. My mother is still living in the hotel with my brother, still in tremendous pain. The foundation of our house is still cracked, my mom's back still broken basically, lol, i haven't talked to my dad since i've been in panama city. I feel my friend in Ga fading away along with so many others i cant help. One of my gals talked to me a few nights ago and even though she is still feels trapped by the sin in her life she told me if i came back to p'cola and swung the other side like a pendulum she'd hate me. She wants what i've got here, God i hope she truly desires it and it's shown to her as well. It's not like the girls here don't go to UWF too, lol, and some of the Troy peeps said they'd visit me. Randon can be ridiculous, he told me today he would drive to p'cola just to see me, like, see me but not me see him and then just leave, lol. OMgoodness, i love that boy.