a memory from the past that speaks to me today
i remember this one day i felt the war going on in my old apartment. it was early morning, gray outside. i awoke to so much pain from wounds over the past years of my life, some were self inflicted, some were from the people i loved the most. my god is all i could cry, in fact i began screaming the name of jesus because i felt the darkness trying to creep in all around me. our enemy screaming right back that jesus didnt hear me any longer, i screamed louder and louder...JESUS, JESUS, JESUS. he had been with me through everything, even through my selfishness, my sin. i knew he would not give me over but i just couldnt find him in that moment, i didnt know his healing, his power, his grace, his love. i laid prostrate on the floor, my arms spread out and my feet crossed. the tears ran so violently that the carpet became soaked. i just kept screaming his name. in one moment the sun flooded my apartment and the darkness fled and it was if i was out of my body looking at my self. i was in the position christ was on the cross-i knew it should have been me on that cross..i heard the gentle voice of the spirit say...i love you so much that i went to the cross for you so grace and love would abide in you. grace and love would flow freely around you. you may never "feel" it but its the truth...walk this out by faith.