Memoirs of a Gay
Chapter 2: The Transition
I got into the car and saw his face. He was cute but not what I expected. We exchanged greetings and then he drove off. At this point, I became aware of what I like to call: The 6-step procedure. This is the method that every gay guy uses to reach the gold. Have you ever noticed that when you're about to hook up with something, a series of events happen first? If you don't quite get what I mean, let me use Nick as the example. When we entered his room, he put Spider-man on for the movie. The moment I saw this happen I knew that something was about to begin, the 6-stepper.
1. Our legs touch.
2. We lean back on the bed.
3. His hand moves onto my leg.
4. Our faces get closer and closer on the bed..."coincidentally."
5. We start to kiss.
6. He moves his hand onto my zipper.
It's complete! Looks like he fully accomplished his goal. While I won't go into full detail about this event, mostly because it is a blur to me, there is something that I discovered. According to Nick, out of all the guys he's been with I gave him the best head! Knowing that I use my mouth well..I suppose...I felt proud and yet slutty at the same time. I kind of felt like my morals have turned decrepit since I didn't truly care about Nick, but I didn't really care as it was just an experiment for me. Luckily I didn't have sex with him. Afterwards, Nick drove me home and I never heard from him again. The next day I thought a lot about what happened. Getting a blowjob wasn't as good as I thought it would be. Especially since Nick kept stubbing his teeth against..oh well you get the picture.
A month passed and I was out of school and into the summer. It felt so good to be free and in the heat again. One day during that June my mom was driving me to the doctors for a routine checkup. When we drove back, we had quite an interesting conversation. "Hey Eric can I ask you something? I really don't care you can tell me." she stated. "Yeah what?" "Are you into guys?" she immediately replied. I didn't know how to respond to that. It's difficult when your parent asks you in the car when you have to suddenly answer. "Um well I guess i'm curious.." "Honey that's fine I was just wondering." I thought that I was softening the blow by saying I was just curious. Little did she know that I was thinking that I was full-on bisexual. Thankfully my mother was a very accepting woman of her sons though.
My family is just like the Gotti family. We're all Italian and aggressive when we need to be. At dinner my brother, mother and I all sit at the kitchen table for our traditional Sunday gravy. It starts off with the nice usual chat and then increases to a heated argument. Usually my brother provokes it all by commenting on how my mother doesn't do anything for the family. In reply, my mother always comments on how Richie, my brother, doesn't help pay the rent. I guess I could see both sides of the argument most of the time, but I don't butt in. It's great having family who will stick up for you and protect you when you need it, just like Victoria does for her boys. I guess you have to be here to witness the similarity.
In early July, I spoke to another boy I found from XY. Aren't these websites great? Absolutely not! They are treacherous and deceiving. If you think about it, aren't sites like MySpace, XY, and Facebook just an exposure for a person? It's a person's personal profile but it's also a gay guy's claim to fame. "How many friend requests do I have?? Oh he's hot! No new comments? Aww. I sent this hot guy a message and i'm waiting for him to respond so i'll just hit the refresh button 10,000 times in a minute!" It's sad how our gay community thinks that we can be total whores and flaunt ourselves on the internet when in actuality, our self-esteem is about as tiny as a grain of sand. Don't get me wrong, I am very confident about myself today. In fact, I know numerous amounts of people who are confident. It doesn't do any harm though to expose yourself, right? Wrong.
While I was talking to that boy, Mike, one night I was inredibly horny and scouting for people since Mike was at Hampton Beach for the weekend. I found a guy on XY who looked pretty hot, and hey he offered me a free blowjob so why not? I gave him my address and he picked me up. I was excited to see how cute this guy was. He pulled up in front of my house in this very old firebird. Keep in mind that it was nighttime and my vision is terrible as it is. I went inside to see something that only existed in my worst nightmares. I saw a very obese old man in the driver's seat when I closed the door. He drove off and I didn't know what to do so I just stayed calm. My whole body started to shake as he drove up behind the vocational school near my high school. I told him I wanted to go home. He complied and turned around. When he was about to go to my street, he took the other fork in the road and said "Whoops!" I was so petrified at this point. I was too scared to jump out of the car because he might run me over or shoot me. He drove off into this empty parking lot behind the Franklin elementary school behind my house. Tears were dripping down my face as I cried hysterically. He told me that if he jacks off while I watch then he'll take me home. I guess it was the only thing I could do that was the ultimate safety. He grabbed my head and forced it over his shoulder as the most disgusting site was happening right in front of my eyes. When he was finished, he finally dropped me off. I didn't say anything when I got out of the car. When I walked into my house, no one was home so I just went into my room and cried. The fear had overcome me so much that I just curled up into a ball and started to panic. I wanted to tell someone, but if my mom found out i've been meeting people on the internet she would be extremely upset. To this day I never really told anyone about this. After it happened though, i'd like to think that i've become so much stronger mentally.
Strength and courage are the one thing that i've built throughout the years. God forbid something like that ever happens again, my fist will be through their face. As for Mike? Well you'll just have to wait and see. This was my first step transitioning from a boy to a man and damn! It felt good.
I got into the car and saw his face. He was cute but not what I expected. We exchanged greetings and then he drove off. At this point, I became aware of what I like to call: The 6-step procedure. This is the method that every gay guy uses to reach the gold. Have you ever noticed that when you're about to hook up with something, a series of events happen first? If you don't quite get what I mean, let me use Nick as the example. When we entered his room, he put Spider-man on for the movie. The moment I saw this happen I knew that something was about to begin, the 6-stepper.
1. Our legs touch.
2. We lean back on the bed.
3. His hand moves onto my leg.
4. Our faces get closer and closer on the bed..."coincidentally."
5. We start to kiss.
6. He moves his hand onto my zipper.
It's complete! Looks like he fully accomplished his goal. While I won't go into full detail about this event, mostly because it is a blur to me, there is something that I discovered. According to Nick, out of all the guys he's been with I gave him the best head! Knowing that I use my mouth well..I suppose...I felt proud and yet slutty at the same time. I kind of felt like my morals have turned decrepit since I didn't truly care about Nick, but I didn't really care as it was just an experiment for me. Luckily I didn't have sex with him. Afterwards, Nick drove me home and I never heard from him again. The next day I thought a lot about what happened. Getting a blowjob wasn't as good as I thought it would be. Especially since Nick kept stubbing his teeth against..oh well you get the picture.
A month passed and I was out of school and into the summer. It felt so good to be free and in the heat again. One day during that June my mom was driving me to the doctors for a routine checkup. When we drove back, we had quite an interesting conversation. "Hey Eric can I ask you something? I really don't care you can tell me." she stated. "Yeah what?" "Are you into guys?" she immediately replied. I didn't know how to respond to that. It's difficult when your parent asks you in the car when you have to suddenly answer. "Um well I guess i'm curious.." "Honey that's fine I was just wondering." I thought that I was softening the blow by saying I was just curious. Little did she know that I was thinking that I was full-on bisexual. Thankfully my mother was a very accepting woman of her sons though.
My family is just like the Gotti family. We're all Italian and aggressive when we need to be. At dinner my brother, mother and I all sit at the kitchen table for our traditional Sunday gravy. It starts off with the nice usual chat and then increases to a heated argument. Usually my brother provokes it all by commenting on how my mother doesn't do anything for the family. In reply, my mother always comments on how Richie, my brother, doesn't help pay the rent. I guess I could see both sides of the argument most of the time, but I don't butt in. It's great having family who will stick up for you and protect you when you need it, just like Victoria does for her boys. I guess you have to be here to witness the similarity.
In early July, I spoke to another boy I found from XY. Aren't these websites great? Absolutely not! They are treacherous and deceiving. If you think about it, aren't sites like MySpace, XY, and Facebook just an exposure for a person? It's a person's personal profile but it's also a gay guy's claim to fame. "How many friend requests do I have?? Oh he's hot! No new comments? Aww. I sent this hot guy a message and i'm waiting for him to respond so i'll just hit the refresh button 10,000 times in a minute!" It's sad how our gay community thinks that we can be total whores and flaunt ourselves on the internet when in actuality, our self-esteem is about as tiny as a grain of sand. Don't get me wrong, I am very confident about myself today. In fact, I know numerous amounts of people who are confident. It doesn't do any harm though to expose yourself, right? Wrong.
While I was talking to that boy, Mike, one night I was inredibly horny and scouting for people since Mike was at Hampton Beach for the weekend. I found a guy on XY who looked pretty hot, and hey he offered me a free blowjob so why not? I gave him my address and he picked me up. I was excited to see how cute this guy was. He pulled up in front of my house in this very old firebird. Keep in mind that it was nighttime and my vision is terrible as it is. I went inside to see something that only existed in my worst nightmares. I saw a very obese old man in the driver's seat when I closed the door. He drove off and I didn't know what to do so I just stayed calm. My whole body started to shake as he drove up behind the vocational school near my high school. I told him I wanted to go home. He complied and turned around. When he was about to go to my street, he took the other fork in the road and said "Whoops!" I was so petrified at this point. I was too scared to jump out of the car because he might run me over or shoot me. He drove off into this empty parking lot behind the Franklin elementary school behind my house. Tears were dripping down my face as I cried hysterically. He told me that if he jacks off while I watch then he'll take me home. I guess it was the only thing I could do that was the ultimate safety. He grabbed my head and forced it over his shoulder as the most disgusting site was happening right in front of my eyes. When he was finished, he finally dropped me off. I didn't say anything when I got out of the car. When I walked into my house, no one was home so I just went into my room and cried. The fear had overcome me so much that I just curled up into a ball and started to panic. I wanted to tell someone, but if my mom found out i've been meeting people on the internet she would be extremely upset. To this day I never really told anyone about this. After it happened though, i'd like to think that i've become so much stronger mentally.
Strength and courage are the one thing that i've built throughout the years. God forbid something like that ever happens again, my fist will be through their face. As for Mike? Well you'll just have to wait and see. This was my first step transitioning from a boy to a man and damn! It felt good.