I'd Rather Be Caught Dead Than Be Weak
Pairing: Jacoby/James
Summary: Coby's always had to handle things alone. But will he be able to get over the demons from his past and still get through the present by himself or will somebody be able to save him before it's too late?
Rating: PG-13 for now, may change later.
Disclaimer: NONE OF THIS HAPPENED. End of story.
Authors Note: This is my first fic here, so please be gentle =]
A/N 2: Tissue warning to those who get emotional easily. Also, I recommend blaring the saxophone solo on Jungleland by Bruce Springsteen when you get to a certain part . . . I can’t say too much now but you’ll know when ;D
A/N 3: FOR anabananaftw HEPPEH BIRFDAY!!!! <333
A/N 4: Points to anyone who catches all mah P-Roach references XD
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 8.5
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
James sighed heavily, running his fingers through his pink striped hair, tugging at it in frustration. “I knew I shouldn’t have let him leave without me, he said he had to go to his house to get clothes for work since he hasn’t gone in forever. I wanted to believe him but I just got a bad feeling about it and . . . God, I’m so stupid! I knew he would come here and I heard yelling from your apartment . . . I’m so sorry guys. Brian, do me a favor and stay here with Zack, I’ll go get Jacoby.”
Brian nodded an affirmative, “I never intended on leaving him, sir!”
“Are you alright though, Brian? Did he hurt you too much?” James asked, looking Brian up and down, trying to evaluate the damage.
“Nah, nothing too much. Just cracked my nose out of place,” Brian quickly popped it back to its natural spot, “I thought it might have been broken but if it was it’d be killing me now so I guess I’m thankful for that one.”
James gave him a weak smile, lost in his own head, wondering what the hell he’d do once he found Coby. The man was the human equivalent to a barrel of gunpowder sitting dangerously close to an open fire.
James walked over to Zack, gently grabbing his shoulders, “I’m sorry this happened Zack, I know you’re probably pissed at him but I’ll call you when I get him.”
“I don’t give a shit if you find him, let him fucking freeze to death out there in the rain,” Zack spat, glaring at the floor, “all he’s ever fucking done was hurt people and it’s about damn time he fucking left us all alone!”
“I know you don’t mean that, Zack. You’re just upset . . . I’ll give it a few days then but I promise I’ll find him.” James nodded to Zack before bolting out of the house as if his life depended on it.
Immediately he was drenched, carefully spiked hair falling in his face, clothes clinging to every muscle and refusing to let go, skin prickling into goosebumps as the chilling drops of rain pounded down. He clenched his fists, head darting left and right, looking for any sign of which way Coby would have ran. His heart pounded in his chest already and he hadn’t even started running, he had no idea what kind of mental condition Coby was in right now. Needless to say, he was worried out of his mind.
“God damnit, Jacoby, where are you?!” James growled under his breath, eyes latching onto a postbox to his right with a severe dent in the side. It looked as if Coby may have punched it. He was grasping at straws but he knew sticking around in one spot was wasting time. He darted off down the street to his right, looking around for any more signs of Coby.
He looked down every alleyway, into every window of every shop, not finding any sign of his presence at all. He continued to run down the street, looking around every corner until he spotted a figure leaning against a wall, doubled over, hands on their knees, chest contracting at a fast speed as if he’d been running for a while. His sight was limited due to the darkness brought by the storm and the water falling from the sky collecting in his eyes wasn’t helping either.
“Jacoby?! Is that you?!” James yelled, shaking the wet hair out of his face, running towards the figure.
“No, it ain’t! Fuck off!” the figure yelled, darting down the street again. It was Coby, James recognized the voice immediately. He took down the street faster than he think he’d ever ran before in his life. There was no way he was letting Coby get away from him. He knew what kind of self-destruction Coby was capable of and wouldn’t hesitate to do. He might not have understood exactly why Coby was in such a weak mental condition but he wasn’t about to risk anything; he’d die before he let Coby get hurt anymore than he already has been.
“Jacoby, come back!” James yelled, reaching out for the man running in front of him. James years on the squad were really paying off as he was gaining up on Coby.
“Hell no, I know what you’re trying to do! I figured it out, finally! You just want to fucking tear me apart like everyone else! I don’t need that bullshit!” Coby looked back briefly but slipped foreword on the wet cement, catching himself with his hand, no doubt scraping them but he couldn’t stop now. He had to get away as fast as he could. Why the hell was James chasing after him in the first place? Couldn’t he tell that he wanted to be alone? Nothing made sense anymore as Coby tried his hardest to duck out of sight into a nearby alleyway.
He quickly jumped behind a large garbage can, out of James’ sight though James still knew he was there. Coby looked to his right, hoping to find a fence so he could make a run for it but found nothing more than a brick wall that was way too high to scale. Trapped. Damn.
“That’s not it at all! You’re only saying that because you’re too afraid to face reality!” James yelled from the entrance, once again wiping the drops of rain from his eyes, and looking around the dark alleyway to see where Coby might be hiding.
“What the fuck are you going on about now?! I’m not afraid of anything, y’hear me?!” Coby screamed from his hidden place, hearing the splashes of slow footsteps coming towards him.
“Then why do you keep running away from what your heart is trying to tell you?! This isn’t the way to keep living your life, all this fighting, you can’t do this forever! You’re eventually going to realize that you can’t always play by your own rules, you can’t fight the entire world, especially by yourself! You need somebody to help you!” James was getting frustrated.
Coby peered out from behind his spot, taking a deep breathe and hoping to God he wouldn’t get caught as he tried to bolt past James, but James was almost too fast, he caught hold of Coby around the middle but was easily knocked away. Coby tried to pick up speed but was off balance, stumbling again before he even reached the opening of the alleyway that lead to the street. Thunder crashed now and he tried to pick himself up but James caught his arm.
“I’m not running away and I don’t fucking need any help, especially not yours! Only the weak motherfuckers need help from someone else! I know what you’re trying to get at and you can’t run from what isn’t real, all that love bullshit that you and Zack are secretly trying to shove down my throat is all fake, a fabrication of the human mind! All anyone who ever believed in it did was get hurt and I’ll be damned before I let myself fall into that lie! Now get the fuck away from me!” Coby’s mind was filled to bursting point as he pushed James away but fell on his ass, James approaching quickly.
“Jacoby, please . . . I’m not going to hurt you.” James put his hands up, his eyes softening as he walked towards to man on the ground. Coby wasn’t making much sense but was making perfect sense all in the same time. James picked up on the thick underlying pain and fear now more than ever, it only making him more determined to prove Coby wrong. Another clap of thunder and a bolt of lightening illuminated both men’s faces, James’ somber and persistent, and Coby’s eyes harder than stone yet wide as if he were afraid, jumping up immediately and backing away.
“Bullshit, then why the hell would you be trying so hard to get me to open up?! I’m alone again, okay?! I got nothing left, hell, I didn’t have anything in the first place! Zack fucking hates me, I’m pretty sure he wants me dead, and I’m kinda starting to agree with him! I’m a waste of skin, a waste of space, I’m nothing alright?! Just let me fucking go!” Coby’s voice wavered severely as he tried to step backwards, closer to the opening of the alleyway as James followed him.
He was a persistent motherfucker, he’d give him that but there was no way in hell he was going to allow himself to be caught. He racked his brain for any possible way out and only came up with one, the one thing he knew how to do best. He reared back his fist, letting it go full force towards James face, but he caught it easily, a loud, wet slap of knuckles onto the palm of James hand, the officer quickly grabbing onto Coby’s wrist and pinning to the brick wall above his head. Coby was shocked, nobody had ever done THAT before. He looked from his captured arm to James face, growling in frustration.
“I’m not going to let you go no matter how hard you try to fight me!” James yelled over the rolling thunder and the pelting raindrops. Coby remembered he still had his left arm, trying to aim a solid hit to James’ gut but once again, the golden eyed man proved to be too fast for him, catching that wrist as well, pinning it up by the right one. Coby was defenseless.
“And why the hell not?!” Coby spat, breathing heavily, clenching his seized fists tightly, trying to thrash his way out of James’ grip.
“Because Jacoby,” James’ said in a whisper, eyes looking directly into Coby’s, his own breathing slowing to an almost normal pace, “. . . I love you.”
Coby froze in horror; there was no way in hell James had just said those three toxic words. His face turned a ghastly white, jaw dropped, and his breathing quickened again, barring his teeth, and shaking the wet hair from his face. He had no clue what the fuck was happening anymore. He wanted to pass out. This was all way too much for him.
“D- . . . Don’t fuck with me James, I-I’m serious, I- . . .” Coby tried to form a coherent sentence. Everything had been turned upside down in such a short period of time; he tried desperately to wrap his mind around what James had just said. There was no way . . . there was just no way he could have possibly meant it. Coby cast his eyes to the wet ground, biting his lip.
James let go of Coby’s now relaxed arms, he was sure he wasn’t going to hit him. He then grabbed hold of Coby’s face, forcing him to stare straight into those golden eyes, exposing his heart and soul to the world, making himself just as vulnerable as the man with the ocean blues, giving him one simple answer to all the questions thrashing around in his head.
“I mean it.”
James crashed their lips together fiercely as raindrops fell harder onto Coby’s face, making it impossible for James to tell if Coby was crying or not, but was pretty sure he got the point when Coby’s mouth accepted his desperately, all the fight in his tired body gone. He melted into James, his arms slipping from above his head to move around James back tightly, and clutching onto him like James was his last resort. A strangled moan emanated from the back of Coby’s throat, more desperate to feel somebody so close than anything else. James pulled away slowly as he felt Coby’s entire body shake, his head falling limply onto James’ shoulder, grip never loosening from around his torso. His life had always been like a sinking ship but it seemed he’d found his anchor in James. How the hell had he denied himself this for so long?
“C’mon . . . let’s get you back to my house so you can rest. You’re probably tired as hell.” James’ voice was soft and soothing as he ran his fingers gently through Coby’s drenched hair.
Coby only nodded into James’ shoulder, letting himself be led out of the alleyway and back to the parking area in front of Zack’s apartment, James’ car still running, only more proof of how hurried he was to get to the scene. He let himself collapse into the passenger seat as James drove off and away, towards his own house.
The ride there was a blur of passing street signs only lit up by the occasional lightening, and the neon colors of shop signs and streetlights. Everything felt like it was going in slow motion. There was no way this was reality . . . this was just some fucked up dream and he’d wake up alone in his bed, the occurrences in his head just another alcohol induced fantasy. His eyes slipped shut, reaching up to touch his now throbbing eyebrow. He’d completely forgotten it’d been split open but all the blood had been washed away in the rain.
Soon after, the car came to a halt, the engine dying down in James’ driveway. James got out to get Coby, helping the tired man up the steps to the front door. James quickly produced the key from his back pocket, unlocking and pushing open the door, letting them both in.
“You should probably get those clothes off. They’re soaking wet, you’re going to catch a cold if you stay in them. C’mon, I’ll get you something from my room,” James stated, taking Coby’s hand and leading them both downstairs to get a dry change of clothes.
“Hey . . . James?” Coby asked timidly, his voice nothing more than a squeak.
“Yeah?” James asked, pulling out two pairs of shorts for the both of them.
“Did you . . . mean what you said back there?” Coby bit his lip, preparing himself for James to tell him that no, he had lied.
“Well . . . yeah . . . I did,” James laughed nervously, scratching the back of his head, a small smile playing on his lips.
“But . . . how? After everything I’ve done, everything I’ve put you through, everything I’ve put everyone else that ever comes in contact with me, after how much of a monster you know I am . . . why did you not give up on me? How can you possibly say that you love me?” Coby’s voice was rising; he was getting himself worked up. It didn’t make sense how James could feel anything for a cold, heartless monster who only destroyed things.
James walked towards him, cupping his face, running his thumb over Coby’s cheek, “Well I’ve just always thought that the hardest ones to love are the ones that need it most . . . and you definitely need it. But . . . there’s just something about you that I know with a little help could turn into something so beautiful. I see something in you . . . and I like what I see.”
Coby’s face froze again, biting his lip hard, trying to fight back the tears that were welling in his eyes. “I fucking . . . God damnit, pull yourself together, Shaddix! Stop crying like a god damn pussy!” Coby chastised himself by slapping himself in the face, the sound of skin on skin making James wince and grab a hold of his hand so he couldn’t do it again.
“Hey, hey, why are you doing that?” James’ voice was worried as he brought Coby’s hand to his mouth, pressing his lips against the bruised knuckles.
Coby’s pupils were shaking, his breath quickening again, his mind reverting back to it’s five year old state, “Y-you get hit if you cry . . . crying is for the weak . . . HE hates it when you cry, he- . . . he says he’ll beat the shit out of you if you embarrass him like that ever!”
“Oh God, Jacoby, shhhh!” James pulled Coby’s shaking body close to his own as things started to make even more sickening sense when he remembered talking to Zack in his office, “ It’s okay, baby, it’s alright if you cry. He’s not going to hurt you, just let go, you’ll be fine.” James ran his hand up and down Coby’s back. Coby clung to James again, biting his lip. Both men stood there in eachothers arms for a while, a silent understanding between the two that this is was necessary at the moment.
Coby poked his head up from it’s place in James neck, looking at the others face, allowing his heart to tell him what to say for once.
“Hey James?” he asked again.
“What is it, baby?” James continued running his hand over the back of Coby’s damp t-shirt. James must really like calling him baby. Whatever. It was fine with him.
“I need you.”
James’ eyebrows knitted together, a confused smile forming on his lips, “But you’ve already got me. You’ve had me since the day I met you.”
“No I mean . . . I NEED you . . .” Coby’s sapphire blue eyes looked imploringly into James’ golden-green, James’ eyes widening when he got exactly what Coby meant.
“Oh . . . well uhh . . . alright,” James laughed, the sound once again music to Coby’s ears, “I can do that.”
Coby smiled slightly as James pecked his lips, pulling the damp shirt off of himself before helping Coby to remove his own, his hands travelling down Coby’s heavily tattooed arms.
“Sorry if I’m a little awkward . . . it’s been a while since I’ve done this,” James attached his lips to the side of Coby’s neck, earning himself tiny gasps, “how do . . . y’know . . . want to do this?”
Coby’s hands clutched at James’ back possessively, uttering only two words.
“Take me.”
James nodded, pulling the blankets of his bed back, picking Coby up effortlessly, and gently placed him on his bed. It was more comfortable than Coby had imagined. James crawled ontop of him slowly, his face right above Coby’s, capturing his lips as he worked to get his rain soaked jeans off, struggling as they refused to let go of his legs but eventually throwing them to the side, skilled hands working at Coby’s belt.
To say Coby was scared shitless was an understatement. His stomach was doing backflips. He’d never been bottom before in his life, and had never been with anybody face to face besides his first time with Zack. He always thought that was reserved for people who had feelings for eachother. His heart was pounding in his chest as James worked to get his pants off, Coby lifting his hips to aid him in the daunting task. Both men were left only in their boxers, James biting his lip and eyes slipping shut as their growing erections brushed together through the thin material. Coby slowly reached up to grab the back of James’ neck, bringing their lips together, feeling something more than he’d ever felt, not knowing the proper name for it but whatever it was only further fueling his need for the golden eyed man. His lips moved feverishly now, a strange heat taking over his entire body, pulling away to look James in the eye.
“James . . . please . . . I need you. Now.” Coby rushed to say, his chest tightening, James laughing again.
“Alright,” he nodded as he reached over to remove something from his bedside drawer, placing them down by Coby’s side, removing both of their boxers, giving Coby enough time to fully take in the beauty of James’ body, his freckled face, every deliciously toned muscle, down to the impressive erection. He felt inadequate compared to James. He still had no idea how the hell James could love him . . . if it was even true.
James ripped open the condom, rolling it onto himself, and lathering it in lube before looking Coby in the eye, “This is going hurt a little bit, I’m sorry.”
His eyes looked apologetic as he slid an already lubricated finger into the blue eyed man, Coby wincing slightly at the unfamiliar intrusion. He waited a few seconds before slipping another one in, slowly and gently stretching them out, making sure he’d hurt Coby as little as possible.
“It’s alright,” Coby squeezed his eyes shut, not quite comfortable with this feeling but knowing it was necessary.
“You’re so beautiful,” James said as he removed his fingers, letting his eyes travel greedily up and down Coby’s body, lining himself up. Coby didn’t see how someone as gorgeous as James could call him beautiful. It was just unheard of.
“Are you sure you want me to do this?” James asked, his own heart now hammering against his ribcage.
“Just do it,” Coby instructed, his arms wrapping around James’ back, “Please. I can’t think of anybody else that I’d want to do this with but you.”
James’ smile grew ten times larger. He quickly nodded and pushed himself into Coby, his breath catching in his throat as his head fell, black hair tinged with pink falling into his face. He’d never felt anything this good before in his entire life.
On the other end, Coby felt like he was about to die. He was starting to remember why he’d always topped but a part of him didn’t care. It was James.
“Tell me when . . . to move again.” James tried to say. Surely it was taking all of his willpower plus more not to just slam into Coby repeatedly.
Coby nodded once he was ready, biting his lip.
“Are you sure? I don’t . . . want to hurt you.”
He gave another nod but Coby wanted James to hurt him. He wanted James to tear him apart and leave him broken and bleeding just like he himself had done to so many others with his fists as his weapons. He wanted to feel the pain he’d given to everyone around him lashed back sevenfold. He wanted James to finish the job his father had started yet abandoned so many painful years ago . . . but James didn’t hurt him; only moved in the most tender of ways, whispering reassurances into his ear. Coby’s chest tightened up again, his stomach continuing it’s backflips, and for the first time in years his ocean blue eyes flooded with tears. It was only in this very moment of vulnerability, this moment where the wall around his heart had been completely shattered, that he realized what these things all meant. He could no longer deny its existence.
This was love.
James saw the tears flowing freely from Coby’s eyes, his own suppressed tears spilling out, crooked tooth smile on complete display as he moved within Coby until the blue eyed man’s body jerked upwards, his nails digging into James’ back, mouth opened in a perfect O. So that was the infamous spot all his bottoms had talked about, but they were nowhere in his head right now. It was only he and James.
“James . . .fucking . . . please . . . do that again!” he begged. His pleading voice sounded alien to him but he didn’t give a shit. Everything was different in his life since he’d met James.
James nodded, finding the spot again effortlessly, but his right hand reaching down to stroke Coby’s erection, pressing his lips to Coby’s once again, the man on bottom accepting them hungrily, his tongue darting into the others mouth as James slowly kept moving inside of him, hitting that magic little button dead on every time.
Both were close to toppling over the edge, James’ movements becoming jerky, Coby’s vocalizations coming more frequently. Coby felt that familiar pooling in the pit of his stomach but this time it felt a little different from before. James pressed his forehead onto Coby’s, their eyes meeting until Coby’s squeezed shut, James hitting his spot one last time, his hand milking Coby for all that he was worth. His entire body was going into spasms; he was unable to control anything, incoherent moans spilling from his lips except one statement that he’d been dying to say for the longest time.
“Fucking hell, James I- . . . I- . . . I love you!”
That confession was enough to send James into orgasm as well, gasping sharply and thrusting repeatedly until he was completely spent, “God I love you too, Jacoby!”
James pulled out and collapsed next to Coby, a comfortable silence lingering in the room as James pulled off the condom, tying it in a knot, and throwing it into the trashcan by his bed. He let his head fall back into his pillows, looking over at Coby, whose eyes were still shut. He reached over and pulled him onto his chest, running his fingers once again through the now dry hair.
“You alright?” James whispered, pressing his lips to Coby’s forehead.
Coby opened his eyes slowly, a genuine smile radiating not only his face but the entire room, the tear tracks on his cheeks adding to the effect it all had on James’ heart.
“I’ve never been better,” Coby admitted, fresh tears rolling down his cheeks as he clung to James, nuzzling his nose in his neck, the soothing scent and warmth of eachothers skin making both their senses quite fuzzy.
“I’m glad,” James giggled, “Hey . . . you hear that?”
Coby ‘s sleepy face looked confused, tilting his head more to the side in question, giving a little whimper.
“I think the storm is over . . .” James stated. He was right; all they could hear now was the soft pattering of tiny raindrops on the roof and windows. The worst of the torrential downpour had past, and in the morning the sun would be brighter than ever.
“Yeah . . . I think it is,” Coby smiled, pressing his lips to James’ one final time for the night, “Thank you for getting me out of it.”
“Not a problem at all, baby” James said, knowing exactly what Coby meant, absent mindedly stroking his back as they drifted off into a sweet, calm slumber.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I AIN’T FINISHED YET, BITCHES!!!!! >=D
Don’t get your hope up, y’all can’t get rid of me this soon!!!!!
Summary: Coby's always had to handle things alone. But will he be able to get over the demons from his past and still get through the present by himself or will somebody be able to save him before it's too late?
Rating: PG-13 for now, may change later.
Disclaimer: NONE OF THIS HAPPENED. End of story.
Authors Note: This is my first fic here, so please be gentle =]
A/N 2: Tissue warning to those who get emotional easily. Also, I recommend blaring the saxophone solo on Jungleland by Bruce Springsteen when you get to a certain part . . . I can’t say too much now but you’ll know when ;D
A/N 3: FOR anabananaftw HEPPEH BIRFDAY!!!! <333
A/N 4: Points to anyone who catches all mah P-Roach references XD
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 8.5
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 12
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 15
James sighed heavily, running his fingers through his pink striped hair, tugging at it in frustration. “I knew I shouldn’t have let him leave without me, he said he had to go to his house to get clothes for work since he hasn’t gone in forever. I wanted to believe him but I just got a bad feeling about it and . . . God, I’m so stupid! I knew he would come here and I heard yelling from your apartment . . . I’m so sorry guys. Brian, do me a favor and stay here with Zack, I’ll go get Jacoby.”
Brian nodded an affirmative, “I never intended on leaving him, sir!”
“Are you alright though, Brian? Did he hurt you too much?” James asked, looking Brian up and down, trying to evaluate the damage.
“Nah, nothing too much. Just cracked my nose out of place,” Brian quickly popped it back to its natural spot, “I thought it might have been broken but if it was it’d be killing me now so I guess I’m thankful for that one.”
James gave him a weak smile, lost in his own head, wondering what the hell he’d do once he found Coby. The man was the human equivalent to a barrel of gunpowder sitting dangerously close to an open fire.
James walked over to Zack, gently grabbing his shoulders, “I’m sorry this happened Zack, I know you’re probably pissed at him but I’ll call you when I get him.”
“I don’t give a shit if you find him, let him fucking freeze to death out there in the rain,” Zack spat, glaring at the floor, “all he’s ever fucking done was hurt people and it’s about damn time he fucking left us all alone!”
“I know you don’t mean that, Zack. You’re just upset . . . I’ll give it a few days then but I promise I’ll find him.” James nodded to Zack before bolting out of the house as if his life depended on it.
Immediately he was drenched, carefully spiked hair falling in his face, clothes clinging to every muscle and refusing to let go, skin prickling into goosebumps as the chilling drops of rain pounded down. He clenched his fists, head darting left and right, looking for any sign of which way Coby would have ran. His heart pounded in his chest already and he hadn’t even started running, he had no idea what kind of mental condition Coby was in right now. Needless to say, he was worried out of his mind.
“God damnit, Jacoby, where are you?!” James growled under his breath, eyes latching onto a postbox to his right with a severe dent in the side. It looked as if Coby may have punched it. He was grasping at straws but he knew sticking around in one spot was wasting time. He darted off down the street to his right, looking around for any more signs of Coby.
He looked down every alleyway, into every window of every shop, not finding any sign of his presence at all. He continued to run down the street, looking around every corner until he spotted a figure leaning against a wall, doubled over, hands on their knees, chest contracting at a fast speed as if he’d been running for a while. His sight was limited due to the darkness brought by the storm and the water falling from the sky collecting in his eyes wasn’t helping either.
“Jacoby?! Is that you?!” James yelled, shaking the wet hair out of his face, running towards the figure.
“No, it ain’t! Fuck off!” the figure yelled, darting down the street again. It was Coby, James recognized the voice immediately. He took down the street faster than he think he’d ever ran before in his life. There was no way he was letting Coby get away from him. He knew what kind of self-destruction Coby was capable of and wouldn’t hesitate to do. He might not have understood exactly why Coby was in such a weak mental condition but he wasn’t about to risk anything; he’d die before he let Coby get hurt anymore than he already has been.
“Jacoby, come back!” James yelled, reaching out for the man running in front of him. James years on the squad were really paying off as he was gaining up on Coby.
“Hell no, I know what you’re trying to do! I figured it out, finally! You just want to fucking tear me apart like everyone else! I don’t need that bullshit!” Coby looked back briefly but slipped foreword on the wet cement, catching himself with his hand, no doubt scraping them but he couldn’t stop now. He had to get away as fast as he could. Why the hell was James chasing after him in the first place? Couldn’t he tell that he wanted to be alone? Nothing made sense anymore as Coby tried his hardest to duck out of sight into a nearby alleyway.
He quickly jumped behind a large garbage can, out of James’ sight though James still knew he was there. Coby looked to his right, hoping to find a fence so he could make a run for it but found nothing more than a brick wall that was way too high to scale. Trapped. Damn.
“That’s not it at all! You’re only saying that because you’re too afraid to face reality!” James yelled from the entrance, once again wiping the drops of rain from his eyes, and looking around the dark alleyway to see where Coby might be hiding.
“What the fuck are you going on about now?! I’m not afraid of anything, y’hear me?!” Coby screamed from his hidden place, hearing the splashes of slow footsteps coming towards him.
“Then why do you keep running away from what your heart is trying to tell you?! This isn’t the way to keep living your life, all this fighting, you can’t do this forever! You’re eventually going to realize that you can’t always play by your own rules, you can’t fight the entire world, especially by yourself! You need somebody to help you!” James was getting frustrated.
Coby peered out from behind his spot, taking a deep breathe and hoping to God he wouldn’t get caught as he tried to bolt past James, but James was almost too fast, he caught hold of Coby around the middle but was easily knocked away. Coby tried to pick up speed but was off balance, stumbling again before he even reached the opening of the alleyway that lead to the street. Thunder crashed now and he tried to pick himself up but James caught his arm.
“I’m not running away and I don’t fucking need any help, especially not yours! Only the weak motherfuckers need help from someone else! I know what you’re trying to get at and you can’t run from what isn’t real, all that love bullshit that you and Zack are secretly trying to shove down my throat is all fake, a fabrication of the human mind! All anyone who ever believed in it did was get hurt and I’ll be damned before I let myself fall into that lie! Now get the fuck away from me!” Coby’s mind was filled to bursting point as he pushed James away but fell on his ass, James approaching quickly.
“Jacoby, please . . . I’m not going to hurt you.” James put his hands up, his eyes softening as he walked towards to man on the ground. Coby wasn’t making much sense but was making perfect sense all in the same time. James picked up on the thick underlying pain and fear now more than ever, it only making him more determined to prove Coby wrong. Another clap of thunder and a bolt of lightening illuminated both men’s faces, James’ somber and persistent, and Coby’s eyes harder than stone yet wide as if he were afraid, jumping up immediately and backing away.
“Bullshit, then why the hell would you be trying so hard to get me to open up?! I’m alone again, okay?! I got nothing left, hell, I didn’t have anything in the first place! Zack fucking hates me, I’m pretty sure he wants me dead, and I’m kinda starting to agree with him! I’m a waste of skin, a waste of space, I’m nothing alright?! Just let me fucking go!” Coby’s voice wavered severely as he tried to step backwards, closer to the opening of the alleyway as James followed him.
He was a persistent motherfucker, he’d give him that but there was no way in hell he was going to allow himself to be caught. He racked his brain for any possible way out and only came up with one, the one thing he knew how to do best. He reared back his fist, letting it go full force towards James face, but he caught it easily, a loud, wet slap of knuckles onto the palm of James hand, the officer quickly grabbing onto Coby’s wrist and pinning to the brick wall above his head. Coby was shocked, nobody had ever done THAT before. He looked from his captured arm to James face, growling in frustration.
“I’m not going to let you go no matter how hard you try to fight me!” James yelled over the rolling thunder and the pelting raindrops. Coby remembered he still had his left arm, trying to aim a solid hit to James’ gut but once again, the golden eyed man proved to be too fast for him, catching that wrist as well, pinning it up by the right one. Coby was defenseless.
“And why the hell not?!” Coby spat, breathing heavily, clenching his seized fists tightly, trying to thrash his way out of James’ grip.
“Because Jacoby,” James’ said in a whisper, eyes looking directly into Coby’s, his own breathing slowing to an almost normal pace, “. . . I love you.”
Coby froze in horror; there was no way in hell James had just said those three toxic words. His face turned a ghastly white, jaw dropped, and his breathing quickened again, barring his teeth, and shaking the wet hair from his face. He had no clue what the fuck was happening anymore. He wanted to pass out. This was all way too much for him.
“D- . . . Don’t fuck with me James, I-I’m serious, I- . . .” Coby tried to form a coherent sentence. Everything had been turned upside down in such a short period of time; he tried desperately to wrap his mind around what James had just said. There was no way . . . there was just no way he could have possibly meant it. Coby cast his eyes to the wet ground, biting his lip.
James let go of Coby’s now relaxed arms, he was sure he wasn’t going to hit him. He then grabbed hold of Coby’s face, forcing him to stare straight into those golden eyes, exposing his heart and soul to the world, making himself just as vulnerable as the man with the ocean blues, giving him one simple answer to all the questions thrashing around in his head.
“I mean it.”
James crashed their lips together fiercely as raindrops fell harder onto Coby’s face, making it impossible for James to tell if Coby was crying or not, but was pretty sure he got the point when Coby’s mouth accepted his desperately, all the fight in his tired body gone. He melted into James, his arms slipping from above his head to move around James back tightly, and clutching onto him like James was his last resort. A strangled moan emanated from the back of Coby’s throat, more desperate to feel somebody so close than anything else. James pulled away slowly as he felt Coby’s entire body shake, his head falling limply onto James’ shoulder, grip never loosening from around his torso. His life had always been like a sinking ship but it seemed he’d found his anchor in James. How the hell had he denied himself this for so long?
“C’mon . . . let’s get you back to my house so you can rest. You’re probably tired as hell.” James’ voice was soft and soothing as he ran his fingers gently through Coby’s drenched hair.
Coby only nodded into James’ shoulder, letting himself be led out of the alleyway and back to the parking area in front of Zack’s apartment, James’ car still running, only more proof of how hurried he was to get to the scene. He let himself collapse into the passenger seat as James drove off and away, towards his own house.
The ride there was a blur of passing street signs only lit up by the occasional lightening, and the neon colors of shop signs and streetlights. Everything felt like it was going in slow motion. There was no way this was reality . . . this was just some fucked up dream and he’d wake up alone in his bed, the occurrences in his head just another alcohol induced fantasy. His eyes slipped shut, reaching up to touch his now throbbing eyebrow. He’d completely forgotten it’d been split open but all the blood had been washed away in the rain.
Soon after, the car came to a halt, the engine dying down in James’ driveway. James got out to get Coby, helping the tired man up the steps to the front door. James quickly produced the key from his back pocket, unlocking and pushing open the door, letting them both in.
“You should probably get those clothes off. They’re soaking wet, you’re going to catch a cold if you stay in them. C’mon, I’ll get you something from my room,” James stated, taking Coby’s hand and leading them both downstairs to get a dry change of clothes.
“Hey . . . James?” Coby asked timidly, his voice nothing more than a squeak.
“Yeah?” James asked, pulling out two pairs of shorts for the both of them.
“Did you . . . mean what you said back there?” Coby bit his lip, preparing himself for James to tell him that no, he had lied.
“Well . . . yeah . . . I did,” James laughed nervously, scratching the back of his head, a small smile playing on his lips.
“But . . . how? After everything I’ve done, everything I’ve put you through, everything I’ve put everyone else that ever comes in contact with me, after how much of a monster you know I am . . . why did you not give up on me? How can you possibly say that you love me?” Coby’s voice was rising; he was getting himself worked up. It didn’t make sense how James could feel anything for a cold, heartless monster who only destroyed things.
James walked towards him, cupping his face, running his thumb over Coby’s cheek, “Well I’ve just always thought that the hardest ones to love are the ones that need it most . . . and you definitely need it. But . . . there’s just something about you that I know with a little help could turn into something so beautiful. I see something in you . . . and I like what I see.”
Coby’s face froze again, biting his lip hard, trying to fight back the tears that were welling in his eyes. “I fucking . . . God damnit, pull yourself together, Shaddix! Stop crying like a god damn pussy!” Coby chastised himself by slapping himself in the face, the sound of skin on skin making James wince and grab a hold of his hand so he couldn’t do it again.
“Hey, hey, why are you doing that?” James’ voice was worried as he brought Coby’s hand to his mouth, pressing his lips against the bruised knuckles.
Coby’s pupils were shaking, his breath quickening again, his mind reverting back to it’s five year old state, “Y-you get hit if you cry . . . crying is for the weak . . . HE hates it when you cry, he- . . . he says he’ll beat the shit out of you if you embarrass him like that ever!”
“Oh God, Jacoby, shhhh!” James pulled Coby’s shaking body close to his own as things started to make even more sickening sense when he remembered talking to Zack in his office, “ It’s okay, baby, it’s alright if you cry. He’s not going to hurt you, just let go, you’ll be fine.” James ran his hand up and down Coby’s back. Coby clung to James again, biting his lip. Both men stood there in eachothers arms for a while, a silent understanding between the two that this is was necessary at the moment.
Coby poked his head up from it’s place in James neck, looking at the others face, allowing his heart to tell him what to say for once.
“Hey James?” he asked again.
“What is it, baby?” James continued running his hand over the back of Coby’s damp t-shirt. James must really like calling him baby. Whatever. It was fine with him.
“I need you.”
James’ eyebrows knitted together, a confused smile forming on his lips, “But you’ve already got me. You’ve had me since the day I met you.”
“No I mean . . . I NEED you . . .” Coby’s sapphire blue eyes looked imploringly into James’ golden-green, James’ eyes widening when he got exactly what Coby meant.
“Oh . . . well uhh . . . alright,” James laughed, the sound once again music to Coby’s ears, “I can do that.”
Coby smiled slightly as James pecked his lips, pulling the damp shirt off of himself before helping Coby to remove his own, his hands travelling down Coby’s heavily tattooed arms.
“Sorry if I’m a little awkward . . . it’s been a while since I’ve done this,” James attached his lips to the side of Coby’s neck, earning himself tiny gasps, “how do . . . y’know . . . want to do this?”
Coby’s hands clutched at James’ back possessively, uttering only two words.
“Take me.”
James nodded, pulling the blankets of his bed back, picking Coby up effortlessly, and gently placed him on his bed. It was more comfortable than Coby had imagined. James crawled ontop of him slowly, his face right above Coby’s, capturing his lips as he worked to get his rain soaked jeans off, struggling as they refused to let go of his legs but eventually throwing them to the side, skilled hands working at Coby’s belt.
To say Coby was scared shitless was an understatement. His stomach was doing backflips. He’d never been bottom before in his life, and had never been with anybody face to face besides his first time with Zack. He always thought that was reserved for people who had feelings for eachother. His heart was pounding in his chest as James worked to get his pants off, Coby lifting his hips to aid him in the daunting task. Both men were left only in their boxers, James biting his lip and eyes slipping shut as their growing erections brushed together through the thin material. Coby slowly reached up to grab the back of James’ neck, bringing their lips together, feeling something more than he’d ever felt, not knowing the proper name for it but whatever it was only further fueling his need for the golden eyed man. His lips moved feverishly now, a strange heat taking over his entire body, pulling away to look James in the eye.
“James . . . please . . . I need you. Now.” Coby rushed to say, his chest tightening, James laughing again.
“Alright,” he nodded as he reached over to remove something from his bedside drawer, placing them down by Coby’s side, removing both of their boxers, giving Coby enough time to fully take in the beauty of James’ body, his freckled face, every deliciously toned muscle, down to the impressive erection. He felt inadequate compared to James. He still had no idea how the hell James could love him . . . if it was even true.
James ripped open the condom, rolling it onto himself, and lathering it in lube before looking Coby in the eye, “This is going hurt a little bit, I’m sorry.”
His eyes looked apologetic as he slid an already lubricated finger into the blue eyed man, Coby wincing slightly at the unfamiliar intrusion. He waited a few seconds before slipping another one in, slowly and gently stretching them out, making sure he’d hurt Coby as little as possible.
“It’s alright,” Coby squeezed his eyes shut, not quite comfortable with this feeling but knowing it was necessary.
“You’re so beautiful,” James said as he removed his fingers, letting his eyes travel greedily up and down Coby’s body, lining himself up. Coby didn’t see how someone as gorgeous as James could call him beautiful. It was just unheard of.
“Are you sure you want me to do this?” James asked, his own heart now hammering against his ribcage.
“Just do it,” Coby instructed, his arms wrapping around James’ back, “Please. I can’t think of anybody else that I’d want to do this with but you.”
James’ smile grew ten times larger. He quickly nodded and pushed himself into Coby, his breath catching in his throat as his head fell, black hair tinged with pink falling into his face. He’d never felt anything this good before in his entire life.
On the other end, Coby felt like he was about to die. He was starting to remember why he’d always topped but a part of him didn’t care. It was James.
“Tell me when . . . to move again.” James tried to say. Surely it was taking all of his willpower plus more not to just slam into Coby repeatedly.
Coby nodded once he was ready, biting his lip.
“Are you sure? I don’t . . . want to hurt you.”
He gave another nod but Coby wanted James to hurt him. He wanted James to tear him apart and leave him broken and bleeding just like he himself had done to so many others with his fists as his weapons. He wanted to feel the pain he’d given to everyone around him lashed back sevenfold. He wanted James to finish the job his father had started yet abandoned so many painful years ago . . . but James didn’t hurt him; only moved in the most tender of ways, whispering reassurances into his ear. Coby’s chest tightened up again, his stomach continuing it’s backflips, and for the first time in years his ocean blue eyes flooded with tears. It was only in this very moment of vulnerability, this moment where the wall around his heart had been completely shattered, that he realized what these things all meant. He could no longer deny its existence.
This was love.
James saw the tears flowing freely from Coby’s eyes, his own suppressed tears spilling out, crooked tooth smile on complete display as he moved within Coby until the blue eyed man’s body jerked upwards, his nails digging into James’ back, mouth opened in a perfect O. So that was the infamous spot all his bottoms had talked about, but they were nowhere in his head right now. It was only he and James.
“James . . .fucking . . . please . . . do that again!” he begged. His pleading voice sounded alien to him but he didn’t give a shit. Everything was different in his life since he’d met James.
James nodded, finding the spot again effortlessly, but his right hand reaching down to stroke Coby’s erection, pressing his lips to Coby’s once again, the man on bottom accepting them hungrily, his tongue darting into the others mouth as James slowly kept moving inside of him, hitting that magic little button dead on every time.
Both were close to toppling over the edge, James’ movements becoming jerky, Coby’s vocalizations coming more frequently. Coby felt that familiar pooling in the pit of his stomach but this time it felt a little different from before. James pressed his forehead onto Coby’s, their eyes meeting until Coby’s squeezed shut, James hitting his spot one last time, his hand milking Coby for all that he was worth. His entire body was going into spasms; he was unable to control anything, incoherent moans spilling from his lips except one statement that he’d been dying to say for the longest time.
“Fucking hell, James I- . . . I- . . . I love you!”
That confession was enough to send James into orgasm as well, gasping sharply and thrusting repeatedly until he was completely spent, “God I love you too, Jacoby!”
James pulled out and collapsed next to Coby, a comfortable silence lingering in the room as James pulled off the condom, tying it in a knot, and throwing it into the trashcan by his bed. He let his head fall back into his pillows, looking over at Coby, whose eyes were still shut. He reached over and pulled him onto his chest, running his fingers once again through the now dry hair.
“You alright?” James whispered, pressing his lips to Coby’s forehead.
Coby opened his eyes slowly, a genuine smile radiating not only his face but the entire room, the tear tracks on his cheeks adding to the effect it all had on James’ heart.
“I’ve never been better,” Coby admitted, fresh tears rolling down his cheeks as he clung to James, nuzzling his nose in his neck, the soothing scent and warmth of eachothers skin making both their senses quite fuzzy.
“I’m glad,” James giggled, “Hey . . . you hear that?”
Coby ‘s sleepy face looked confused, tilting his head more to the side in question, giving a little whimper.
“I think the storm is over . . .” James stated. He was right; all they could hear now was the soft pattering of tiny raindrops on the roof and windows. The worst of the torrential downpour had past, and in the morning the sun would be brighter than ever.
“Yeah . . . I think it is,” Coby smiled, pressing his lips to James’ one final time for the night, “Thank you for getting me out of it.”
“Not a problem at all, baby” James said, knowing exactly what Coby meant, absent mindedly stroking his back as they drifted off into a sweet, calm slumber.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I AIN’T FINISHED YET, BITCHES!!!!! >=D
Don’t get your hope up, y’all can’t get rid of me this soon!!!!!