Some Unprofessional Advice on How to Handle Rejection
I rarely give advice on this blog. But who cares what I rarely do, ‘cuz I’m doin' it. So buckle up!
I recently had a few friends tell me that they’re waiting on news about their next book contract. They’ve had one, two, or three books published, but now their publisher is deciding on the next book. Whatever the case, what’s most troubling is the fact that most of these writers are EXTREMELY talented people, but seem to have forgotten their worth. Their worth has become the next book. If the next book doesn’t sell, they are suddenly worth nothing. This bothers me. I’m sure it bothers you, too. Because as we all know, the economy is in the crapper, and really NONE of us can weigh our worth on material wealth. Are car salesmen suddenly nobodies because they aren’t selling cars? Are bakers worth less because they aren’t selling as many cookies? We were all somebody before we became the person we are now. Maybe you lost your job and have a tremendous amount of free-time to dwell on your loss. And maybe you didn’t get that first or second or third book contract. But we ALL need to remember that we can only control a small amount. And as long as we are doing our best work or doing something good for others, we are still doing something, right?
[Warning from the Legal Department: Trina Sotira is not a clinical psychologist, nor has she practiced social work. The following suggestions are totally unprofessional and might result in awkward hand-holding with strangers.]
I offer you the following things that might remind you of who you were before you told yourself who you WEREN’T:
1) You have nice hair. Even if age is changing the landscape of your head, you still have nice hair. Brush it while telling yourself, “I have nice hair.”
2) Admire your skin. Spread lotion on your skin while saying, “Wow, my skin is soft.” You might even turn to your neighbor, or ring their doorbell, and ask them to touch your arm and feel the buttery softness that you call your body. (See Warning from the Legal Department.)
3) Cook something. Even if you were never a good cook, it’s not too late to learn how to make a meal. Print something off the internet like this recipe for bacon loaf, and reward yourself by shouting, “This is the best meal in the world!” after you take a bite.
4) Go bowling. So you didn’t get the next book deal, or the first book deal, or that job at the mall, but maybe you have other talents that are waiting to explode. Try your hand at a bowling alley. I did this the other day and discovered that I’m, like, the worst bowler in the Midwest, but still, I tried and it felt good. The music was great and the shoes didn't smell as bad as I thought they would.
5) And last--if you are a writer--stop using the term “rejection letter.” Let’s try something lighter, like, “not-at-this-time letter.” In my career thus far, I have received over 100 not-at-this-time letters, but that doesn’t bother me. I’m not a reject. I haven’t been rejected. I’ve simply been told that it’s not the right time.
Ok. So don’t get overwhelmed or anything by the list of aforementioned jobs. You can do it. I know you can. And do let me know what your neighbor thinks of your skin.