Liver Three --
I think I've discovered the conclusion to my string of nostalgic entries. Or at least, I feel like something has been leading up to these realizations. Anyway, this entry is not a final conclusion, rather, I feel like a door has been unlocked. My explanation is roundabout, so bear with me.
Last night, I was falling asleep and my right foot was twitching and its tendons and ligaments were writhing aronud like worms. All that I am about to relate occurred to me somewhere between being awake and falling asleep, with my foot doing weird stuff the whole time.
So, why was my foot doing weird stuff, you might ask? I had been doing FSR -- the same therapy my mom developed for working on the injured feet of people with Parkinson's disease -- on my foot because I accidentally hurt it kicking a crosswalk button. Kicking the crosswalk button wasn't the accident -- I was doing it to show off to M. (note: boys never grow up) -- the accident was that I kicked it with the hard bony dorsum of my foot. This is not a part of your foot you want to be kicking hard things with, as I found out. Anyway, I've had a few injuries to this foot over the years, and I realized later that it was kind of tight and sore to begin with, but I'd just gotten used to it. This new injury got me massaging it and holding it enough that I realized that the soreness wasn't from the crosswalk button alone.
Anyway, after holding for foot for a while, muscles throughout my calf started going in to spasm, my knee started tingling, my hip rotated in its socket, and then my talus popped and rotated between my tibia and fibula. The spasms stopped, and thats when those tendons started writhing under my skin, trying to find their place among the new configuration of bones. There was pain shooting across the bottom of my foot from heel to toe... But the pain felt really good.
So I'm falling asleep, and my foot is still twiching, and my mind, as it switches over to subconsciousness, highlights a spot on my twiching foot that corresponds to the acupuncture point Liver 3 (Liv3).
Liv3 ?? I ask myself. that can't be right. Liv3 is for stress. One of the most commonly used points for stress, in fact. I don't get stressed though. Anyone who knows me, knows that I'm pretty much a happy-go-lucky, stress free kind of guy, right? To which my subconscious says, "Liv3".
... Let me explain something about Channel Theory. Meridians, or Channels, are subtle streams of enegery that travel in specific pathways throughout the body. It's really one giant loop, but portions of it are named according to which internal organ they influence most. They are paired off in sets of two, acccording to theories I won't get into. Suffice it to say, Liver and Gallbladder are paired (which should make sense to anyone who's studied anatomy). The organs themselves, apart from having their physiological functions, have emotional characteristics as well. The negative emotions associated with Liver are stress, anger, and so on. Gallbladder is characterized by bravery or courage, and as such, a weak Gallbladder will result in meekness or spinelessness....
Now I don't tend to think of myself as spineless any more than I think of myself as quick to stress or anger. So I ask again, "why Liv3?" and I get the answer, "Because you are wrong -- you are stressed, and you are quick to anger, and you are spineless."
Then I started to tie things together, and understand. I am still tying things together, and trying to understand, but I think I'm closer now. It all has to do with my fear of success, my constant feeling of edginess, my tendency towards excessive criticism, and my habit of half-jokingly agreeing with people even when I disgree with what they've said. I avoid confrontation with myself. Perhaps I'll get into all this more in a future entry, but I'm still trying to figure it out. Anyway it's going to stop.
One thing I'll admit to now: there are times when my friendliness and happy-go-lucky-ness is not genuine. Very not genuine. I've known this in the back of my mind for a while, but not consciously, as I know now. Now I understand why: I just didn't have the balls to provoke people/situations. Ultimately, I know I'm a kindhearted as a person -- but I often am angry and never show it.
So last night was weird. Today was interesting too. For one thing, I was limping. My foot didn't hurt, but it felt incredibly loose from ankle to toe. When walking, there was a sense that it wobbled in the air when I picked it up to make a step, and a sense when I stepped down that it was squishing out like a deflated ball.
I snapped at a classmate today. I felt bad afterwards, but it occurred to me that it was exactly the sort of situation where normally I'd have just been quite in spite of my unspoken anger. We were putting together an herbal formula in the herbs room. The herbs room is small, and it was crowded, and we had only a few minutes left to finish a long and complicated formula. Anyway, two girls were taking herb drawers out and putting them on the table that we were assembling the formula on, in order to measure out the herbs in the drawer. You're not supposed to do this: drawers invariably get put back in the wrong place, and moreover, table space is at a premium, and their drawers were really getting in the way. Completely uncharacteristically, I confronted them about it. "Why are these drawers out? Why is that necissary?" then I thought to myself "whoah! what'd I just say!?"
Anyway, I felt totally over it afterwards. Normally I'd have said nothing, and instead, would have stewed over it. I felt bad though, cause it wasn't really their fault -- that particular drawer was on top of the cabinet and they literally couldn't see into it without taking it down. I meant to apologize, but didn't get a chance. I will next I see them though.
Last part of my story: I decided to needle Liv3 on myself. after a few minutes it was throbbing (I needled both sides, but only the right side was painful/throbbing). The throbbing went away after ~10 minutes. Then after another ~5 minutes, I started feeling these waves of... something... washing through my whole body. It felt a little bit like a cool wind. Or perhaps it felt like brushing your hair would feel like if you had nerves in your hair. It wasn't only a sensation though. I felt afraid, and sad, and then relieved. And then another wave would come. Each time it only lasted 5-10 seconds, but it kept going for several minutes. I'd never felt anything like that before (and I've had a lot of acupuncture).
There's a lot more that's still on my mind, relating to this, and to the rest of those nostalgia entries. But I'm not sure how much of it I'll ever post about. I'm realizing there's a level at which understanding can no longer be put into words, and a level at which things become too personal to share. Maybe I'll try later...
Last night, I was falling asleep and my right foot was twitching and its tendons and ligaments were writhing aronud like worms. All that I am about to relate occurred to me somewhere between being awake and falling asleep, with my foot doing weird stuff the whole time.
So, why was my foot doing weird stuff, you might ask? I had been doing FSR -- the same therapy my mom developed for working on the injured feet of people with Parkinson's disease -- on my foot because I accidentally hurt it kicking a crosswalk button. Kicking the crosswalk button wasn't the accident -- I was doing it to show off to M. (note: boys never grow up) -- the accident was that I kicked it with the hard bony dorsum of my foot. This is not a part of your foot you want to be kicking hard things with, as I found out. Anyway, I've had a few injuries to this foot over the years, and I realized later that it was kind of tight and sore to begin with, but I'd just gotten used to it. This new injury got me massaging it and holding it enough that I realized that the soreness wasn't from the crosswalk button alone.
Anyway, after holding for foot for a while, muscles throughout my calf started going in to spasm, my knee started tingling, my hip rotated in its socket, and then my talus popped and rotated between my tibia and fibula. The spasms stopped, and thats when those tendons started writhing under my skin, trying to find their place among the new configuration of bones. There was pain shooting across the bottom of my foot from heel to toe... But the pain felt really good.
So I'm falling asleep, and my foot is still twiching, and my mind, as it switches over to subconsciousness, highlights a spot on my twiching foot that corresponds to the acupuncture point Liver 3 (Liv3).
Liv3 ?? I ask myself. that can't be right. Liv3 is for stress. One of the most commonly used points for stress, in fact. I don't get stressed though. Anyone who knows me, knows that I'm pretty much a happy-go-lucky, stress free kind of guy, right? To which my subconscious says, "Liv3".
... Let me explain something about Channel Theory. Meridians, or Channels, are subtle streams of enegery that travel in specific pathways throughout the body. It's really one giant loop, but portions of it are named according to which internal organ they influence most. They are paired off in sets of two, acccording to theories I won't get into. Suffice it to say, Liver and Gallbladder are paired (which should make sense to anyone who's studied anatomy). The organs themselves, apart from having their physiological functions, have emotional characteristics as well. The negative emotions associated with Liver are stress, anger, and so on. Gallbladder is characterized by bravery or courage, and as such, a weak Gallbladder will result in meekness or spinelessness....
Now I don't tend to think of myself as spineless any more than I think of myself as quick to stress or anger. So I ask again, "why Liv3?" and I get the answer, "Because you are wrong -- you are stressed, and you are quick to anger, and you are spineless."
Then I started to tie things together, and understand. I am still tying things together, and trying to understand, but I think I'm closer now. It all has to do with my fear of success, my constant feeling of edginess, my tendency towards excessive criticism, and my habit of half-jokingly agreeing with people even when I disgree with what they've said. I avoid confrontation with myself. Perhaps I'll get into all this more in a future entry, but I'm still trying to figure it out. Anyway it's going to stop.
One thing I'll admit to now: there are times when my friendliness and happy-go-lucky-ness is not genuine. Very not genuine. I've known this in the back of my mind for a while, but not consciously, as I know now. Now I understand why: I just didn't have the balls to provoke people/situations. Ultimately, I know I'm a kindhearted as a person -- but I often am angry and never show it.
So last night was weird. Today was interesting too. For one thing, I was limping. My foot didn't hurt, but it felt incredibly loose from ankle to toe. When walking, there was a sense that it wobbled in the air when I picked it up to make a step, and a sense when I stepped down that it was squishing out like a deflated ball.
I snapped at a classmate today. I felt bad afterwards, but it occurred to me that it was exactly the sort of situation where normally I'd have just been quite in spite of my unspoken anger. We were putting together an herbal formula in the herbs room. The herbs room is small, and it was crowded, and we had only a few minutes left to finish a long and complicated formula. Anyway, two girls were taking herb drawers out and putting them on the table that we were assembling the formula on, in order to measure out the herbs in the drawer. You're not supposed to do this: drawers invariably get put back in the wrong place, and moreover, table space is at a premium, and their drawers were really getting in the way. Completely uncharacteristically, I confronted them about it. "Why are these drawers out? Why is that necissary?" then I thought to myself "whoah! what'd I just say!?"
Anyway, I felt totally over it afterwards. Normally I'd have said nothing, and instead, would have stewed over it. I felt bad though, cause it wasn't really their fault -- that particular drawer was on top of the cabinet and they literally couldn't see into it without taking it down. I meant to apologize, but didn't get a chance. I will next I see them though.
Last part of my story: I decided to needle Liv3 on myself. after a few minutes it was throbbing (I needled both sides, but only the right side was painful/throbbing). The throbbing went away after ~10 minutes. Then after another ~5 minutes, I started feeling these waves of... something... washing through my whole body. It felt a little bit like a cool wind. Or perhaps it felt like brushing your hair would feel like if you had nerves in your hair. It wasn't only a sensation though. I felt afraid, and sad, and then relieved. And then another wave would come. Each time it only lasted 5-10 seconds, but it kept going for several minutes. I'd never felt anything like that before (and I've had a lot of acupuncture).
There's a lot more that's still on my mind, relating to this, and to the rest of those nostalgia entries. But I'm not sure how much of it I'll ever post about. I'm realizing there's a level at which understanding can no longer be put into words, and a level at which things become too personal to share. Maybe I'll try later...