Girly Girl's Ballet Class
Last May, I wrote about the day Girly Girl's Pre-Ballet teacher left the class to come out and tell me my daughter was refusing to obey ( Can I Be the Grandma Yet?).
Well, that particular saga continues. She battled her teacher through the end of the year, though she danced the recital beautifully (and perfectly -- except she can't skip).
The dance studio only allows parents to observe classes two or three times during the year, and last year, between one thing and another, we only got to observe the last one. Mars went (I had some conflict), and he came away very disappointed and annoyed (maybe even a little angry) at the way the teacher treated Girly Girl. When the other girls in the class weren't doing the positions correctly, the teacher would adjust them ("Straighten your back," "Turn your right foot out," etc.). She virtually ignored Girly Girl, except to yell at her when GG got bored and wandered away. But it was near the end of the year, so we let it go.
Fast forward to August when we realized the same teacher teaches Ballet I. We were discussing what to do (talk to the director, go to a different studio for a year or so, etc.) when GG's teacher called to discuss placement. She wanted GG to repeat Pre-Ballet because she didn't think she was ready for Ballet I. I pointed out her perfect performance in the recital, which the teacher acknowledged. But then she said she thinks GG is just immature, not ready to focus yet. And again, she recommended GG repeat Pre-ballet.
This is Girly-Girl's fourth year in dance. Her other teacher adored her, and never said anything about her behavior. She's been with the same group of girls all along. Though she is 1-2 years older, she's smaller than all the other girls, and of course, she's developmental delayed and slower to learn everything. But these girls are used to her; they know it's just the way she is. I didn't think it would help to put her in a brand new class, with all new peers. So the teacher (reluctantly) agreed to let Girly Girly try Ballet I for a month or so.
The new year began in September. Girly Girly is taking both ballet and tap dancing. I had to make her go to ballet every week, but she was excited to go to Tap. Then, before the month was out, the ballet teacher went on maternity leave, and we've had subs ever since. Frankly, we were relieved, and at some level, I sort of hoped the teacher would find she wanted to stay home with her new baby.
The sub was a young girl (maybe high school senior) who is in Ballet 5 or 6. She is beautiful and very sweet, and I suspect Girly Girl had a crush on her. At any rate, suddenly I wasn't having to fight my daughter to get her ready for ballet. She even let me put her hair in a bun without a battle. And the sub never said anything about bad behavior. Not a word.
A couple of times, a casual friend of mine subbed for the sub. I asked her how GG was doing, whether she stayed focused and did what the teacher asked. She said, "Oh, yeah! She does great." Then she leaned in and said more quietly, "Tell you the truth, she's a lot more focused than most of the other girls." So I relaxed. Maybe GG had just needed to grow up a little.
This week, the regular teacher was back from maternity leave. The moment I saw her, I was on guard, but Girly Girl said, "Mommy! She's back!" and gave her a warm hug. So I thought it might be OK.
45 minutes. That's how long it took for the teacher to come out to the lobby to tell me GG was "on the wall" because she wouldn't do anything the teacher told her to do. I told her to send GG out, and we almost just left. Instead, I talked to GG, told her she had to obey the teacher. She wanted to just go home, to quit the class (even if it meant also quitting Tap and The Nutcracker, though she loves them), but I told her we don't quit in the middle of the season. She had to stick it out until after Christmas, and then she could quit if she wanted. She's heard me tell Mad Scientist this, so she agreed. She went back to class, and the teacher said she was fine for the rest of the time.
But what do we do now? I think this teacher is well qualified; certainly she has the credentials. And maybe she's a great teacher to girls who are highly motivated and quick learners. But I think she's interpreted Girly Girl's slow learning as dis-interest (despite the fact that ... HELLO! ... GG has Down Syndrome, is mentally retarded, and learns more slowly than typical children).
GG is very sensitive to what the adults around her are feeling about her, and she's always been slow to exhibit a skill she isn't 100 percent sure of. I think she's picking up her teacher's annoyance, which makes her more timid about doing the activity, which makes her teacher more annoyed, etc.
I think if we told the teacher we suspect she's a large part of the problem, she'll just become more resentful. And GG will pick that up and become even more timid. So that seems like a lose-lose, with GG losing the most.
I expect the teacher, before classes end in December, to tell us she wants GG back in Pre-ballet -- which would mean two more years with this same teacher. Again, lose-lose. We love this studio, but we're thinking about taking her to a different studio, at least until she's past the classes this particular teacher teaches.
One thing we cannot do is nothing, I think. We have a call in to talk to the sub; we want to know if she saw this behavior and just didn't say anything, or if the behavior is "new." I expect she'll say Girly Girl did fine, then I guess we'll go from there. We'll probably try talking to the teacher and/or the studio manager before we pull her out.
But this breaks my heart. My daughter tries so hard, and everything she does is more difficult for her than other children. She has SO many weaknesses, and so few strengths, and what strengths she does have are things our society doesn't value very much (like an emotional sensitivity and a great love for other people). But she has always had dance: she's very flexible, and she expresses things in her dancing. In fact, she loves music too, but she's tone-deaf. Dancing is the way she expresses music.
I really don't want her to lose this.
Well, that particular saga continues. She battled her teacher through the end of the year, though she danced the recital beautifully (and perfectly -- except she can't skip).
The dance studio only allows parents to observe classes two or three times during the year, and last year, between one thing and another, we only got to observe the last one. Mars went (I had some conflict), and he came away very disappointed and annoyed (maybe even a little angry) at the way the teacher treated Girly Girl. When the other girls in the class weren't doing the positions correctly, the teacher would adjust them ("Straighten your back," "Turn your right foot out," etc.). She virtually ignored Girly Girl, except to yell at her when GG got bored and wandered away. But it was near the end of the year, so we let it go.
Fast forward to August when we realized the same teacher teaches Ballet I. We were discussing what to do (talk to the director, go to a different studio for a year or so, etc.) when GG's teacher called to discuss placement. She wanted GG to repeat Pre-Ballet because she didn't think she was ready for Ballet I. I pointed out her perfect performance in the recital, which the teacher acknowledged. But then she said she thinks GG is just immature, not ready to focus yet. And again, she recommended GG repeat Pre-ballet.
This is Girly-Girl's fourth year in dance. Her other teacher adored her, and never said anything about her behavior. She's been with the same group of girls all along. Though she is 1-2 years older, she's smaller than all the other girls, and of course, she's developmental delayed and slower to learn everything. But these girls are used to her; they know it's just the way she is. I didn't think it would help to put her in a brand new class, with all new peers. So the teacher (reluctantly) agreed to let Girly Girly try Ballet I for a month or so.
The new year began in September. Girly Girly is taking both ballet and tap dancing. I had to make her go to ballet every week, but she was excited to go to Tap. Then, before the month was out, the ballet teacher went on maternity leave, and we've had subs ever since. Frankly, we were relieved, and at some level, I sort of hoped the teacher would find she wanted to stay home with her new baby.
The sub was a young girl (maybe high school senior) who is in Ballet 5 or 6. She is beautiful and very sweet, and I suspect Girly Girl had a crush on her. At any rate, suddenly I wasn't having to fight my daughter to get her ready for ballet. She even let me put her hair in a bun without a battle. And the sub never said anything about bad behavior. Not a word.
A couple of times, a casual friend of mine subbed for the sub. I asked her how GG was doing, whether she stayed focused and did what the teacher asked. She said, "Oh, yeah! She does great." Then she leaned in and said more quietly, "Tell you the truth, she's a lot more focused than most of the other girls." So I relaxed. Maybe GG had just needed to grow up a little.
This week, the regular teacher was back from maternity leave. The moment I saw her, I was on guard, but Girly Girl said, "Mommy! She's back!" and gave her a warm hug. So I thought it might be OK.
45 minutes. That's how long it took for the teacher to come out to the lobby to tell me GG was "on the wall" because she wouldn't do anything the teacher told her to do. I told her to send GG out, and we almost just left. Instead, I talked to GG, told her she had to obey the teacher. She wanted to just go home, to quit the class (even if it meant also quitting Tap and The Nutcracker, though she loves them), but I told her we don't quit in the middle of the season. She had to stick it out until after Christmas, and then she could quit if she wanted. She's heard me tell Mad Scientist this, so she agreed. She went back to class, and the teacher said she was fine for the rest of the time.
But what do we do now? I think this teacher is well qualified; certainly she has the credentials. And maybe she's a great teacher to girls who are highly motivated and quick learners. But I think she's interpreted Girly Girl's slow learning as dis-interest (despite the fact that ... HELLO! ... GG has Down Syndrome, is mentally retarded, and learns more slowly than typical children).
GG is very sensitive to what the adults around her are feeling about her, and she's always been slow to exhibit a skill she isn't 100 percent sure of. I think she's picking up her teacher's annoyance, which makes her more timid about doing the activity, which makes her teacher more annoyed, etc.
I think if we told the teacher we suspect she's a large part of the problem, she'll just become more resentful. And GG will pick that up and become even more timid. So that seems like a lose-lose, with GG losing the most.
I expect the teacher, before classes end in December, to tell us she wants GG back in Pre-ballet -- which would mean two more years with this same teacher. Again, lose-lose. We love this studio, but we're thinking about taking her to a different studio, at least until she's past the classes this particular teacher teaches.
One thing we cannot do is nothing, I think. We have a call in to talk to the sub; we want to know if she saw this behavior and just didn't say anything, or if the behavior is "new." I expect she'll say Girly Girl did fine, then I guess we'll go from there. We'll probably try talking to the teacher and/or the studio manager before we pull her out.
But this breaks my heart. My daughter tries so hard, and everything she does is more difficult for her than other children. She has SO many weaknesses, and so few strengths, and what strengths she does have are things our society doesn't value very much (like an emotional sensitivity and a great love for other people). But she has always had dance: she's very flexible, and she expresses things in her dancing. In fact, she loves music too, but she's tone-deaf. Dancing is the way she expresses music.
I really don't want her to lose this.