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I dunno what's been up with me lately...I've just been so down lately, I mean, Prakash came to visit and that was so awesome ^_^ I had a great week with him here, I'm sad that he had to go, but, I know he'll be back soon and we can cuddle in bed again(and no, there was no funny business, I'm a married dragon, I'm loyal to my bear)
But I mean...it started with Alex, he called one night and his voice was shaky on the phone, he came over and we went to Walmart, he'd been to Melissa's and Alison's BF(or Ex BF) had made a comment about how he'd slept with Melissa a few times the last month(Alison is Melissa's 13 year old daughter, Mel's like, 32 or so, her bf was 17) and so, he went off the handle, cause he's not dating her, but she's not allowed to be with anyone else, he's started developing feelings for her, so, he lost his mind and I stuck around him for like, 3 days, cause he was gonna punish'm the old fashioned way, to death.
So, that crisis averted, I'm relaxed faintly...then, like, a day or so later, Conway shoots himself. He's in the hospital, apparently stable, but when he's awake, he's pulling out IV's and tubes and doesn't want to live, see, his gf, Amanda the whore, dumped him, and told him they'd never get back together, and he didn't take it well, but, had the presence of mind to put on his leather jacket to lessen the impact of the shotgun to his stomach, he's lost his spleen and something else, doomed to forever have a colostomy bag.
I haven't had like, any time to myself, at all. I get up in the morning, it's because my phone is ringing, Coy, or Alex, or Darrell and Cindy wanna do go something and wanna drag me off, and, being the good friend I am, I say sure, cause, I hate to let someone down, to tell someone no, it's the hardest word in the english langauge to say, and as such, my internet life has suffered, RP buddies are tired of waiting around for me, they get new buds and I come back to see'm off with other people and it just...upsets me...so I don't want to be online anymore -_-
My bear is just getting into SL now, and I'm absolutely mortified he'll lose interest in me, like Jayce did, and dump me, for that fucking game -_- I don't think he would, but then again, I didn't think Jayce would either. I didn't think Jayce was capable of alot of the shit he did to me, but, that's just life, heh.
Some days, I just...lay in bed, I mean, I wake up...around what...9 am...I don't get out of bed till 2-3 pm, unless the phone rings sooner then that, one day, I'm just going to cut my phone off, and leave it off, all day, tell my GM to tell everyone she doesn't know where I went, and I be just down in the yard, or something, away from everything, I mean...I'm a strong guy, not physically, but, emotionally, willpower wise, but, I can't carry everyone, I can hold'm up and get'm a few steps, but then it's up to them, my will power barely sustains me, I can't hold up two, let alone three or more people, it's just not in me.
I put on this guise I'm strong, that I can handle anything, nothing bothers me...but it's the opposite, I see a ex-friend...I see a ex-pet...ex-mate...ex...anything and it just -kills- me inside, I see Hikage post somewhere in a FA thing, Or I log into furcadia and Corlan is on, or I see Mathais post in some other guys LJ some guy I know is a complete worthless whore...and it just sickens me. People don't care...no one gives a fucking damn about anything beyond the edge of their nose, if they can use you for something, money, transportation, hell, a quick lay, they'll do it, then throw you aside and be done with you, it's just how people are.
I dunno, I'm just talking out my ass -_- I'm just so tired of the internet right now, people need to get aids and spread it, all around and just die, that would fucking make my day.
I'm so tired of being here. -_-
If it wasn't for my few close friends and family, my cub, hatchie and pup, my bear...even my sweet UK foxy, I just...I don't think I could make it, it'd probably be me everyone was talking about in the hospital, rather then Conway.
I say I'm strong, and I am, I'm strong because I'm needed to be strong...my family needs me to be strong...my friends need me to hold them up, I don't have the time to break down and get help for myself, there's no time for it, I'm everyone elses's rock. I just hope I don't chip away, so many people would be lost without me.
But I mean...it started with Alex, he called one night and his voice was shaky on the phone, he came over and we went to Walmart, he'd been to Melissa's and Alison's BF(or Ex BF) had made a comment about how he'd slept with Melissa a few times the last month(Alison is Melissa's 13 year old daughter, Mel's like, 32 or so, her bf was 17) and so, he went off the handle, cause he's not dating her, but she's not allowed to be with anyone else, he's started developing feelings for her, so, he lost his mind and I stuck around him for like, 3 days, cause he was gonna punish'm the old fashioned way, to death.
So, that crisis averted, I'm relaxed faintly...then, like, a day or so later, Conway shoots himself. He's in the hospital, apparently stable, but when he's awake, he's pulling out IV's and tubes and doesn't want to live, see, his gf, Amanda the whore, dumped him, and told him they'd never get back together, and he didn't take it well, but, had the presence of mind to put on his leather jacket to lessen the impact of the shotgun to his stomach, he's lost his spleen and something else, doomed to forever have a colostomy bag.
I haven't had like, any time to myself, at all. I get up in the morning, it's because my phone is ringing, Coy, or Alex, or Darrell and Cindy wanna do go something and wanna drag me off, and, being the good friend I am, I say sure, cause, I hate to let someone down, to tell someone no, it's the hardest word in the english langauge to say, and as such, my internet life has suffered, RP buddies are tired of waiting around for me, they get new buds and I come back to see'm off with other people and it just...upsets me...so I don't want to be online anymore -_-
My bear is just getting into SL now, and I'm absolutely mortified he'll lose interest in me, like Jayce did, and dump me, for that fucking game -_- I don't think he would, but then again, I didn't think Jayce would either. I didn't think Jayce was capable of alot of the shit he did to me, but, that's just life, heh.
Some days, I just...lay in bed, I mean, I wake up...around what...9 am...I don't get out of bed till 2-3 pm, unless the phone rings sooner then that, one day, I'm just going to cut my phone off, and leave it off, all day, tell my GM to tell everyone she doesn't know where I went, and I be just down in the yard, or something, away from everything, I mean...I'm a strong guy, not physically, but, emotionally, willpower wise, but, I can't carry everyone, I can hold'm up and get'm a few steps, but then it's up to them, my will power barely sustains me, I can't hold up two, let alone three or more people, it's just not in me.
I put on this guise I'm strong, that I can handle anything, nothing bothers me...but it's the opposite, I see a ex-friend...I see a ex-pet...ex-mate...ex...anything and it just -kills- me inside, I see Hikage post somewhere in a FA thing, Or I log into furcadia and Corlan is on, or I see Mathais post in some other guys LJ some guy I know is a complete worthless whore...and it just sickens me. People don't care...no one gives a fucking damn about anything beyond the edge of their nose, if they can use you for something, money, transportation, hell, a quick lay, they'll do it, then throw you aside and be done with you, it's just how people are.
I dunno, I'm just talking out my ass -_- I'm just so tired of the internet right now, people need to get aids and spread it, all around and just die, that would fucking make my day.
I'm so tired of being here. -_-
If it wasn't for my few close friends and family, my cub, hatchie and pup, my bear...even my sweet UK foxy, I just...I don't think I could make it, it'd probably be me everyone was talking about in the hospital, rather then Conway.
I say I'm strong, and I am, I'm strong because I'm needed to be strong...my family needs me to be strong...my friends need me to hold them up, I don't have the time to break down and get help for myself, there's no time for it, I'm everyone elses's rock. I just hope I don't chip away, so many people would be lost without me.