After-Action Report: Ween 2012
Before it becomes Thanksgiving, let's cover Halloween already.
So every Halloween, downtown Santa Cruz does this thing where they shut down the streets to traffic and everyone comes out and gets drunk and removes their clothes gets drunk and puts on sluttier clothes puts on a costume. The city now tries to contain this with chain-link barricades, generator-powered floodlights, police party vans, and omnipresent patrols collected from every conceivable law enforcement subdivision in the county in order to cut down on the gang stabbings of previous years. (Get it? Cut? I slay me. Get it? Slay me?!?!) Worst costume idea: dressing as a literal pig cop (yes, someone did).
This year I crammed amongst the inebriated, stab-happy masses in my fox face I never followed up on from the convention in January I also never followed up on, disguised as Inari, the gender-ambiguous, whip-wielding fox-god patron of prostitutes, so you can now claim your questionable internet time is a religious function.) Japanese god of business acumen. But everyone just thought I was from that Zelda game I never played or that Naruto thing I never watched.
Most popular costumes this year: Mitt Romney's binders of women, dead guy, unspecified last-minute cloak guy, sexy female Mario Bros, and just plain lingerie.
Here's my haul:
Oxygen Cultist and The Sneaker Knight display their powers of anachronistic paradox. Together, they fight and/or cause crime.
The Great Morgani, one of downtown's regulars, heads out in his Wednesday attire only to discover it is Halloween.
PLAGIARIST.
Are you a good witch, or a bad witch? Or does bipartisan categorism undercut the philosophical complexity of contemporary social issues?
Anything you do as a family is worth doing. If you're a dead family.
Kirk tends his illegitimate alien offspring. You knew that was going to catch up with him someday.
Assassin's Creed and The Heavy from Team Fortress 2 wearing what would seem to be a mask of his own face. The wrist daggers flick out on homemade sliders, which is a nice touch.
Rear view. You can bettern tell the outfit was cut and sewn by hand, as I assume was the gun. Except for being cut or sewn because- shut up.
Deadmau5 and Zoidberg, a winning crossover.
Weight loss surgery: before and after.
Partially obstructed Harley Quinn, whom I ran into several times but could never get a good shot of. More importanly: what is happening right now to cause the facial expression of the woman behind her?
One of the only things I like about this city is the prevalence of old mansions, presumably haunted by maddened spirits bent on violence and shrieking their thoughtless rage into the night, or by downtown residents. Really two of the same thing. This one sits right across from my window. Not pictured: the used car lot directly below that subtracts from the effect a bit.
Then night fell and an orcish metal band destroyed everything. The end.
She's a little out of your league, guy.
Police consult with the KGB to keep order. The cop out of frame totally shot me the evil eye as I took this.
♪"I've experiments to run, there's still research to be done on the people who are still alive."♪
Suspiciously furry couple.
Bane's really a fun guy when you get to know him. What is Batman's problem anyway? God.
Cesar Romero Joker is still the scariest Joker.
Mystique deftly morphs her hands to confound nearsighted sign language interpreters.
Army men pose next to two very realistic navy statues.
Tentacle-mask syringe guy, whom I couldn't get a good shot of.
Trust me; I'm a doctor.
Undoubtably the creepiest costume of the night.
Does Barack Obama run off with the babies of upper-class couples at night? And why is the mainstream media too afraid to report on this story? Stay tuned for more fair and balanced coverage.
Now, exciting pictures of my local grocery store. Here is a jackalope, to promote their new line of free-range, only slightly GMO jackalope patties.
Organic jackalope eyes, no growth hormones.
Lights on. Take that, middle guy who's suspiciously similar to Greed heads in the Binding of Isaac; I hate you.
And that was the last time I saw Mr. Middle alive again. At least drunks showed the restraint to hop the fence to pick just one.
BFFs.
So every Halloween, downtown Santa Cruz does this thing where they shut down the streets to traffic and everyone comes out and gets drunk and removes their clothes gets drunk and puts on sluttier clothes puts on a costume. The city now tries to contain this with chain-link barricades, generator-powered floodlights, police party vans, and omnipresent patrols collected from every conceivable law enforcement subdivision in the county in order to cut down on the gang stabbings of previous years. (Get it? Cut? I slay me. Get it? Slay me?!?!) Worst costume idea: dressing as a literal pig cop (yes, someone did).
This year I crammed amongst the inebriated, stab-happy masses in my fox face I never followed up on from the convention in January I also never followed up on, disguised as Inari, the gender-ambiguous, whip-wielding fox-god patron of prostitutes, so you can now claim your questionable internet time is a religious function.) Japanese god of business acumen. But everyone just thought I was from that Zelda game I never played or that Naruto thing I never watched.
Most popular costumes this year: Mitt Romney's binders of women, dead guy, unspecified last-minute cloak guy, sexy female Mario Bros, and just plain lingerie.
Here's my haul:
Oxygen Cultist and The Sneaker Knight display their powers of anachronistic paradox. Together, they fight and/or cause crime.
The Great Morgani, one of downtown's regulars, heads out in his Wednesday attire only to discover it is Halloween.
PLAGIARIST.
Are you a good witch, or a bad witch? Or does bipartisan categorism undercut the philosophical complexity of contemporary social issues?
Anything you do as a family is worth doing. If you're a dead family.
Kirk tends his illegitimate alien offspring. You knew that was going to catch up with him someday.
Assassin's Creed and The Heavy from Team Fortress 2 wearing what would seem to be a mask of his own face. The wrist daggers flick out on homemade sliders, which is a nice touch.
Rear view. You can bettern tell the outfit was cut and sewn by hand, as I assume was the gun. Except for being cut or sewn because- shut up.
Deadmau5 and Zoidberg, a winning crossover.
Weight loss surgery: before and after.
Partially obstructed Harley Quinn, whom I ran into several times but could never get a good shot of. More importanly: what is happening right now to cause the facial expression of the woman behind her?
One of the only things I like about this city is the prevalence of old mansions, presumably haunted by maddened spirits bent on violence and shrieking their thoughtless rage into the night, or by downtown residents. Really two of the same thing. This one sits right across from my window. Not pictured: the used car lot directly below that subtracts from the effect a bit.
Then night fell and an orcish metal band destroyed everything. The end.
She's a little out of your league, guy.
Police consult with the KGB to keep order. The cop out of frame totally shot me the evil eye as I took this.
♪"I've experiments to run, there's still research to be done on the people who are still alive."♪
Suspiciously furry couple.
Bane's really a fun guy when you get to know him. What is Batman's problem anyway? God.
Cesar Romero Joker is still the scariest Joker.
Mystique deftly morphs her hands to confound nearsighted sign language interpreters.
Army men pose next to two very realistic navy statues.
Tentacle-mask syringe guy, whom I couldn't get a good shot of.
Trust me; I'm a doctor.
Undoubtably the creepiest costume of the night.
Does Barack Obama run off with the babies of upper-class couples at night? And why is the mainstream media too afraid to report on this story? Stay tuned for more fair and balanced coverage.
Now, exciting pictures of my local grocery store. Here is a jackalope, to promote their new line of free-range, only slightly GMO jackalope patties.
Organic jackalope eyes, no growth hormones.
Lights on. Take that, middle guy who's suspiciously similar to Greed heads in the Binding of Isaac; I hate you.
And that was the last time I saw Mr. Middle alive again. At least drunks showed the restraint to hop the fence to pick just one.
BFFs.