(no subject)
I had a dream last night.
I was staying somewhere coastal in Florida and everyone I knew was there, even some people from here.
..And then I just get a text from someone saying they're knocked up. Anyway.
Uhh.. yeah. I was in Florida with everyone I knew at some sort of resort and shit, and the waves were crazy and pounding up against the platform that held the pool, etc.
Now, usually in dreams where the waves are going apeshit I'm like, drowning, or avoiding being drowned, and it's a nightmare and I wake up in a cold sweat.
This time it was enjoyable. The biggest wave came over the side of the pool platform, by at least 40 feet... all of us were screaming in joy. I had my arms raised up in excitement, and as the wave crashed down on me, I struggled to keep my arms up.
I've been playing around with the idea of this meaning something in my head.
Now, of course it doesn't really need to mean anything, but the fact that it might gives meaning to the meaningless dream itself.
..Or something like that.
Maybe now I'm learning to take wave crashes in stride. Maybe instead of looking at it as drowning, I'm looking at it as another fact of life that can be enjoyable if I let myself.
Now, that's not suggesting I'm having the time of my life over here, what with Tomas blatantly lying to me, and putting our friendship on the line.
But maybe it's things like this that just emphasize that I'm alive, and I'm breathing, and it's all okay. Maybe everything is okay, or will be okay. Eventually the waves will recede, and then they'll come back. It's a cycle. There is no way around it. Some may try to build a wall the wave can't get over, but the wave will always break it down. And even if it didn't, they'd be missing something crucial to existence. You can't have calm without waves, you can't have waves without calm.
But in my case, this sea has been raging for some time. My coast is constantly pounded with hurricanes. They bend the palm trees back so far I think they will break. It goes away for a little bit, and the sky is blue but there are still massive puddles on the ground. And then another hurricane comes. It's really tough to manage sometimes, and I often consider the fact that I can't make it through another hurricane. Every time I rebuild, something else comes along to tear it down. It's so exhausting. What if I built a wall? No wall is high enough to keep out things that I can't control, I guess. It's disheartening. I'm exhausted. But I always remind myself...
The sea can't rage forever.
I was staying somewhere coastal in Florida and everyone I knew was there, even some people from here.
..And then I just get a text from someone saying they're knocked up. Anyway.
Uhh.. yeah. I was in Florida with everyone I knew at some sort of resort and shit, and the waves were crazy and pounding up against the platform that held the pool, etc.
Now, usually in dreams where the waves are going apeshit I'm like, drowning, or avoiding being drowned, and it's a nightmare and I wake up in a cold sweat.
This time it was enjoyable. The biggest wave came over the side of the pool platform, by at least 40 feet... all of us were screaming in joy. I had my arms raised up in excitement, and as the wave crashed down on me, I struggled to keep my arms up.
I've been playing around with the idea of this meaning something in my head.
Now, of course it doesn't really need to mean anything, but the fact that it might gives meaning to the meaningless dream itself.
..Or something like that.
Maybe now I'm learning to take wave crashes in stride. Maybe instead of looking at it as drowning, I'm looking at it as another fact of life that can be enjoyable if I let myself.
Now, that's not suggesting I'm having the time of my life over here, what with Tomas blatantly lying to me, and putting our friendship on the line.
But maybe it's things like this that just emphasize that I'm alive, and I'm breathing, and it's all okay. Maybe everything is okay, or will be okay. Eventually the waves will recede, and then they'll come back. It's a cycle. There is no way around it. Some may try to build a wall the wave can't get over, but the wave will always break it down. And even if it didn't, they'd be missing something crucial to existence. You can't have calm without waves, you can't have waves without calm.
But in my case, this sea has been raging for some time. My coast is constantly pounded with hurricanes. They bend the palm trees back so far I think they will break. It goes away for a little bit, and the sky is blue but there are still massive puddles on the ground. And then another hurricane comes. It's really tough to manage sometimes, and I often consider the fact that I can't make it through another hurricane. Every time I rebuild, something else comes along to tear it down. It's so exhausting. What if I built a wall? No wall is high enough to keep out things that I can't control, I guess. It's disheartening. I'm exhausted. But I always remind myself...
The sea can't rage forever.