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i cant help how i feel. i cant help how u do not feel. it tears away at my very being. it kills me inside and outside. im slowly withering away. i feel i cant be happy. not even when i try my best. should i be angry? i fear my being has corrupted u slightly. changed u, not for the best. i fear all those i touch or come into contact with become more like they werent to begin with. y is this? y is it i cant find myself happy for others or even myself? my chest hurts constantly. im weak in my body and mind. everyday more and more of what i found happy is leaving me. im a mess. a wreck. a pile of nothing at this point. all i do is sit here at my computer, losing myself, withering myself away. i feel no need to eat. i feel no need to even exist. how can some1 mean that much to me? that i dont even want to go on without her. that i need her like i need food, air, water. im sick. but idk y. its only when i think of the things i do that i become queezy. i feel no need to go on. i cant change her mind. but i still persist. she doesnt care for me like she once did. she doesnt love me like she once did. she doesnt need me like she once did. if i can say this and mean it, y do i not accept it. part of her wants to be with me, this is certain. she doesnt want this part of her to arise, so she doesnt let it. it stays buried, dormant, withering away and eventually dissappearing. i cant go to school without thinking of her, i cant sit here without thinking of her, i cant sleep without thinking of her. if even i feel this way, y doesnt she? i suffer so much at her expense, but i dont want it to burden her. i make up things so it doesnt seem like this is her fault. if i cant get her out of my mind for 2 years, how can that change now. if i found a different girl in my life, how can i keep her from resurfacing in my mind. i cant. it just happens. i want the best for her. always. things have happened. idk wat i can do anymore. idk wat to think anymore. i kno for a fact wat i want and need. but she cant give me that. my peace of mind will not exist. if i suffer so much, y do i exist. i question this every day. my happiness was with her, without that, what is there for me? what can there be? my feelings affect her, not as a similar understanding, but as sympathy. because i feel this way and she doesnt, she feels sorry, feels bad for me. y cant she just feel the same........