Till Death Do Us Part
~ Previous Chapters ~
Just A Dream
There was no more laughter inside the house. The air was thick with fear and worry… like death is watching their every move. And maybe death wasn’t so far away.
Moonbin spent most of the time at the campus, and when he’s home he preferred to stay inside his bedroom to study. Some time he came to see his Dad but there was no more heart to heart talk or warm smile. His father tried hard to look okay and he tried harder to pretend that he’s okay. But people can’t pretend for so long.
He was just finished his last class when his mobile rang.
“Hi Daddy, I just finished my class. I’ll be home soon.”
“Bin, do you mind to drop by the pharmacy or supermarket?”
“Sure, what do you need?”
“… Diaper.”
Moonbin thought he heard wrong. “Huh? What?”
“Adult diaper. For your Dad. I don’t think I can carry him every time he wants to go to the bathroom anymore.”
“Oh.” He never realized how tiring it must be for Daddy who started to sleep downstairs with Dad. “Ok, I’ll buy it. See you Daddy, love you!”
“Love you too baby.”
He sighed, pharmacy might be the best place to go to find it but he wanted to buy some snacks too. Supermarket’s a better option and it’s closer to home. So he drove himself there and got to the section where there were rows and rows of baby diapers from all kinds of brands. But he couldn’t find what he was looking for.
An employee was passing and he asked her where to find adult diaper. She took him to the disposable underwear section. Huh, he wouldn’t have thought that it would be there. Apparently there were quite a few types on the bottom rows so he crouched down to look.
As he held two brands of adult diaper in his hands, his eyes were skimming over the description; trying to decide which one would be better for his Dad.
Then slowly… very slowly… the pictures on the diaper’s plastic wrapper started to change into something else.
It was the 3 years old him being carried on his Dad’s shoulder… he felt like he’s on top of the world, and his Dad was the anchor that wouldn’t let him fall.
The 5 year old Jung Moonbin was crying in at the pool. He was so scared of the water… Dad wanted to teach him how to swim when he was younger but Daddy didn’t let him. But Dad carried him to the deepest point and didn’t let go as he paddled his tiny feet following his Dad’s lead.
He was 8 years old and it was his first time to ride a bike… Daddy screamed and ran to him each time he fell off the bike to tend to his scrapes and bruises… but it was Dad who picked him up and told him to try once again, holding the tail of his bike so tight and didn’t let go until he got the hang on it.
It was a messy house. For the first time when he was 11 Daddy had to go out of town for a few days and left him home with Dad. Dad was a terrible cook but he tried anyway though he almost burn down the kitchen in the process. In the end he called Grandma to stay with them until Daddy was home. But he tasted the best omelet in his life though somewhat burnt at the sides.
His Dad was strong, his Dad was full of smiles. His Dad never gave up. But now he’s crouching down on a supermarket trying to decide what kind of diaper that’s suitable for him so he wouldn’t pee or dirty his own bed.
Realization hit him like a ton of bricks and he cried right there and then while holding a pack of adult diaper in each hand. He didn’t care of the concern look that people were giving him or the phone that kept ringing and starting to annoy other customers. His Dad is not strong anymore… he’s weak that he couldn’t even bring himself to the toilet anymore. And he’s dying. Truth hurts.
~ o ~ o ~
“I’m not wearing it!”
“Yunho, please… I don’t have the strength to carry you each time you need to-“ Daddy was on the verge of crying.
“I’m not a baby! You don’t have to help me, I can do it myself!”
“But you-“
“No, I-…” suddenly a light brown liquid was sipping through his pants and he stopped speaking. “I- I-“
Moonbin saw shame on his Dad’s face… he was just saying that he didn’t need the diaper yet he couldn’t control his bladder anymore. He peed before he reached the bathroom.
“I’m sorry…” he whispered to no one in particular.
Daddy smiled at him as if it was nothing, “That’s okay… Min, can you please clean it up? Come on honey, let’s get you to the bathroom.” He supported him and walked him slowly to the toilet, leaving trails of dirty liquids on the way. His Uncle was quick to get the cleaning supplies that Daddy put nearby.
But Moonbin stay rooted in his place. Standing and not moving.
Five minutes later his Daddy peeked out his face from the bathroom door, “Hey baby, can you get your Dad’s underwear and a diaper from his room, please? Thanks.”
He walked silently to get what he was asked.
Ten minutes later they emerged from the bathroom and Moonbin saw how much weight that his Dad has lost. There was no trace of muscles and his hands had become bony. His skin was darker and there was no life in his eyes. His heart clenched at the pitiful sight of his Dad.
“Bin, can you help me hold your Dad.” Daddy had asked him.
He nodded and took his Dad’s other hand, but he avoided his gaze. His Uncle came running to his Daddy’s side, “Let me hold him Jae, you can go on and finish cooking for lunch, I don’t think I’m that capable enough to finish the cooking for you.”
Daddy laughed, all tiredness gone from his face. “Thanks, here… careful, hold on his arm... that’s the way... I’ll finish it soon so you can have your meals for your medicine darling.” Daddy kissed Dad before he turned to the kitchen.
Uncle Min took over from him once they were by the bed. He laid him down carefully and fixed his pillow for him.
“You need anything else, Bro?”
“No… thanks… just…” He looked at him and Moonbin didn’t have the heart to turn away. “I’m sorry… I really am.”
There were a hundred meanings behind those words. And Moonbin didn’t know if he could hold his tears any longer.
“S’okay Dad… don’t feel sorry. Errr, I need to start working on my assignment.” He wanted to run away from there as soon as possible.
Dad smiled weakly at him. The first that he saw that day. “Go on, I’ll be fine.”
Uncle Min smiled at him too, “I’ll be here until Jaejoong come with his food. You don’t have to worry.”
He nodded at them and walked out of the door. He practically ran to his room upstairs, ignoring his Daddy’s call who was bringing his Dad’s meal to his room. He closed the door and sat by the bed.
Fifteen minutes later his Daddy came in without knocking, but he didn’t feel like complaining. He sat next to him without saying a word. And when he spoke, he only said a few words. “It must be hard for you to see your Dad that way.”
And he broke down on his Daddy’s lap.
“That wasn’t him, Daddy… that wasn’t him! I felt like dreaming, it wasn’t him!! Tell me it’s all just a dream, tell me!!”
But they both knew it’s reality.
“I wish it was baby… I wish it was…”
He knew his Daddy’s right… it wasn’t a dream. It’s reality.
~ o ~ o ~
Next
Just A Dream
There was no more laughter inside the house. The air was thick with fear and worry… like death is watching their every move. And maybe death wasn’t so far away.
Moonbin spent most of the time at the campus, and when he’s home he preferred to stay inside his bedroom to study. Some time he came to see his Dad but there was no more heart to heart talk or warm smile. His father tried hard to look okay and he tried harder to pretend that he’s okay. But people can’t pretend for so long.
He was just finished his last class when his mobile rang.
“Hi Daddy, I just finished my class. I’ll be home soon.”
“Bin, do you mind to drop by the pharmacy or supermarket?”
“Sure, what do you need?”
“… Diaper.”
Moonbin thought he heard wrong. “Huh? What?”
“Adult diaper. For your Dad. I don’t think I can carry him every time he wants to go to the bathroom anymore.”
“Oh.” He never realized how tiring it must be for Daddy who started to sleep downstairs with Dad. “Ok, I’ll buy it. See you Daddy, love you!”
“Love you too baby.”
He sighed, pharmacy might be the best place to go to find it but he wanted to buy some snacks too. Supermarket’s a better option and it’s closer to home. So he drove himself there and got to the section where there were rows and rows of baby diapers from all kinds of brands. But he couldn’t find what he was looking for.
An employee was passing and he asked her where to find adult diaper. She took him to the disposable underwear section. Huh, he wouldn’t have thought that it would be there. Apparently there were quite a few types on the bottom rows so he crouched down to look.
As he held two brands of adult diaper in his hands, his eyes were skimming over the description; trying to decide which one would be better for his Dad.
Then slowly… very slowly… the pictures on the diaper’s plastic wrapper started to change into something else.
It was the 3 years old him being carried on his Dad’s shoulder… he felt like he’s on top of the world, and his Dad was the anchor that wouldn’t let him fall.
The 5 year old Jung Moonbin was crying in at the pool. He was so scared of the water… Dad wanted to teach him how to swim when he was younger but Daddy didn’t let him. But Dad carried him to the deepest point and didn’t let go as he paddled his tiny feet following his Dad’s lead.
He was 8 years old and it was his first time to ride a bike… Daddy screamed and ran to him each time he fell off the bike to tend to his scrapes and bruises… but it was Dad who picked him up and told him to try once again, holding the tail of his bike so tight and didn’t let go until he got the hang on it.
It was a messy house. For the first time when he was 11 Daddy had to go out of town for a few days and left him home with Dad. Dad was a terrible cook but he tried anyway though he almost burn down the kitchen in the process. In the end he called Grandma to stay with them until Daddy was home. But he tasted the best omelet in his life though somewhat burnt at the sides.
His Dad was strong, his Dad was full of smiles. His Dad never gave up. But now he’s crouching down on a supermarket trying to decide what kind of diaper that’s suitable for him so he wouldn’t pee or dirty his own bed.
Realization hit him like a ton of bricks and he cried right there and then while holding a pack of adult diaper in each hand. He didn’t care of the concern look that people were giving him or the phone that kept ringing and starting to annoy other customers. His Dad is not strong anymore… he’s weak that he couldn’t even bring himself to the toilet anymore. And he’s dying. Truth hurts.
~ o ~ o ~
“I’m not wearing it!”
“Yunho, please… I don’t have the strength to carry you each time you need to-“ Daddy was on the verge of crying.
“I’m not a baby! You don’t have to help me, I can do it myself!”
“But you-“
“No, I-…” suddenly a light brown liquid was sipping through his pants and he stopped speaking. “I- I-“
Moonbin saw shame on his Dad’s face… he was just saying that he didn’t need the diaper yet he couldn’t control his bladder anymore. He peed before he reached the bathroom.
“I’m sorry…” he whispered to no one in particular.
Daddy smiled at him as if it was nothing, “That’s okay… Min, can you please clean it up? Come on honey, let’s get you to the bathroom.” He supported him and walked him slowly to the toilet, leaving trails of dirty liquids on the way. His Uncle was quick to get the cleaning supplies that Daddy put nearby.
But Moonbin stay rooted in his place. Standing and not moving.
Five minutes later his Daddy peeked out his face from the bathroom door, “Hey baby, can you get your Dad’s underwear and a diaper from his room, please? Thanks.”
He walked silently to get what he was asked.
Ten minutes later they emerged from the bathroom and Moonbin saw how much weight that his Dad has lost. There was no trace of muscles and his hands had become bony. His skin was darker and there was no life in his eyes. His heart clenched at the pitiful sight of his Dad.
“Bin, can you help me hold your Dad.” Daddy had asked him.
He nodded and took his Dad’s other hand, but he avoided his gaze. His Uncle came running to his Daddy’s side, “Let me hold him Jae, you can go on and finish cooking for lunch, I don’t think I’m that capable enough to finish the cooking for you.”
Daddy laughed, all tiredness gone from his face. “Thanks, here… careful, hold on his arm... that’s the way... I’ll finish it soon so you can have your meals for your medicine darling.” Daddy kissed Dad before he turned to the kitchen.
Uncle Min took over from him once they were by the bed. He laid him down carefully and fixed his pillow for him.
“You need anything else, Bro?”
“No… thanks… just…” He looked at him and Moonbin didn’t have the heart to turn away. “I’m sorry… I really am.”
There were a hundred meanings behind those words. And Moonbin didn’t know if he could hold his tears any longer.
“S’okay Dad… don’t feel sorry. Errr, I need to start working on my assignment.” He wanted to run away from there as soon as possible.
Dad smiled weakly at him. The first that he saw that day. “Go on, I’ll be fine.”
Uncle Min smiled at him too, “I’ll be here until Jaejoong come with his food. You don’t have to worry.”
He nodded at them and walked out of the door. He practically ran to his room upstairs, ignoring his Daddy’s call who was bringing his Dad’s meal to his room. He closed the door and sat by the bed.
Fifteen minutes later his Daddy came in without knocking, but he didn’t feel like complaining. He sat next to him without saying a word. And when he spoke, he only said a few words. “It must be hard for you to see your Dad that way.”
And he broke down on his Daddy’s lap.
“That wasn’t him, Daddy… that wasn’t him! I felt like dreaming, it wasn’t him!! Tell me it’s all just a dream, tell me!!”
But they both knew it’s reality.
“I wish it was baby… I wish it was…”
He knew his Daddy’s right… it wasn’t a dream. It’s reality.
~ o ~ o ~
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