[ call me 00? ] and it only hurts when I breathe

[triedinception]

This had to end.

Eames had made his living ever since high school by walking the streets, canting his hips and smiling prettily at older men, boys; anyone who could pay them for his time. As he got older he got wiser, choice to walk around places where there were businessmen and women away from their partners, who would see him or have an itch to

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[littlspecificty]

Arthur had experienced the difficult life of living on the streets at one point in his life and that time was more than enough to keep him working to never end up like that again. He had even very nearly drunken himself to death at one point with alcohol he had managed to steal only to have been saved in time and wake up in a hospital bed, not knowing how the hell he had gotten there.

When a hit woman named Sylvia had offered him a means to travel, get out of the dead-end life he had found himself in, as well as find a way to give his anger and outlet and make more money than he could possibly imagine... He had to take the chance. He couldn't see any other alternative if he wanted to survive, wanted better for himself while he could still obtain it

[triedinception]

He was early. He didn't know why, it wasn't as if he was eager to do this. He actually didn't want to, but if he wanted to keep working, if he didn't want to break his own heart or Arthur's any more than he already had to, he needed to do this. He had no choice.

Still, he let Arthur pull him in, his fingers twitching and wanting to curl into that touch. The kiss made something in his chest tighten, something that only got tighter at the sound of the lock.

"I have something to tell you," he said quickly, drawing his hand away. He hesitated there, trying to find the best words to tell Arthur, fingers picking at a thread on his jacket.

"I can't - you can't hire me again," he finally rushed out.

[littlspecificty]

Arthur, as far as he knew, thought Eames had been enjoying their time together. So, to not only have Eames pull away from him (when the young man had always seemed to crave his touch) but then say that...

He couldn't help looking a little hurt but, more than that, very confused, "Excuse me? Wh--what are you saying, Eames?" Why would you say that?

[triedinception]

Eames had learned very early on that he hated certain expressions on Arthur's face. He had a way of looking disappointed, or sad, or hurt and confused, that made Eames want to be better. Or, in this case, take back what he'd said and insist on forgetting about it.

But he couldn't.

He looked away, off towards the other room, pulling hard on that thread in his jacket.

"I'm asking you not to hire me again," Eames repeated, feeling his cheeks get warm. "Meaning you wouldn't see me anymore."

[littlspecificty]

Arthur felt his stomach drop, face and tone becoming a little more distressed as it sunk in that he was losing Eames.

"Why?"

And then, starting to feel slightly desperate, stepping closer to Eames, "Did I do something wrong?" I thought you were happy. I thought I made you happy...

That was when it crossed his mind, not exactly for the first time, but clearly enough to where he finally voiced it out loud, eyes lowering some, "Is there... someone else you prefer more?"

[triedinception]

Eames could feel his eyes start to sting. He wasn't going to cry, damn it. Arthur was just a john. Just a john. (Even Eames knew he was lying to himself.)

"You haven't done anything wrong!" His voice cracked on the last part, Eames feeling oddly hurt by the accusation (it wasn't one but it felt that way) that he could ever want anyone else. He wasn't even supposed to want Arthur. He wrapped his arms around himself, cheeks flushing warm with anger now. "And I don't want anyone else - I don't want anyone! I can't be with you because -"

Because he cared about him so much he didn't want to be with anyone else. The stupidest reason, if they were in a relationship. Which they weren't, Eames made his living having sex with people.

"Arthur, you're too good for me," he finally says. "You're kind and caring and - it makes it hard for me to be with other people. And I make my living with other people. I can't keep doing this."

[littlspecificty]

Arthur swallowed hard, blinking back the stinging in his own eyes, stepping closer to the other to set a gentle hand on the nearest arm, trying to be comforting.

It was now or never, Arthur told himself before finally getting out: "Then don't."

So simply stated and yet it seemed to take everything Arthur had to say it, his chest tight, throat making it hard for him to swallow because how easy it could be for Eames to refuse and walk out of that door forever...

It terrified Arthur that he very well could do that if he chose to. Especially because he didn't want the younger man to leave. That was the last thing he wanted.

[triedinception]

"Don't what? Don't be a whore? It's kind of the only skill I have," Eames breathed out harshly. "I wasn't able to find a job before - I was homeless. And that's where I'll be if I just stop," he bites out.

His first "john" had ironically been an apartment manager who was letting him squat for sex. Eventually Eames had picked up clients and enough cash to move across town into a small, rundown but his apartment.

It wasn't refusal though. Not entirely, and he took some sort of sick comfort in that hand on his arm.

[littlspecificty]

Somehow managing to keep his voice steady as he moves closer, feeling like he might have a chance since the other hadn't pulled away from his touch, "I won't let that happen to you."

And he meant it; he would take care of Eames. If the other would let him.

[triedinception]

"What are you saying," Eames demanded harshly, feeling his expression close off; how he got when he wasn't sure what to do.

[littlspecificty]

Arthur was thinking this might not be such a good idea but anything worth having was worth the effort, right? He believed Eames was worth every effort. He knew that even before knowing how the other would react to what he was going to say.

"I want you to be with me. And you wouldn't have to keep doing this job. You wouldn't have to... leave." You wouldn't have to leave me.

[triedinception]

"What, you'd just magically take care of me? Just like that?" Eames' expression didn't get warm; if anything he seemed more closed off. "And what, I just give up everything and let you take over? No guarantee you won't get tired three months from now and toss me out with nothing? Fairy tales don't happen to people like me, Arthur."

[littlspecificty]

Quietly, as he took a step back, no longer touching Eames, "Who's to say you wouldn't get tired of me first?"

But Arthur's expression was earnest in the suggestion all the same. He wanted to give Eames that chance because he genuinely wanted better for the younger man. Even if he didn't stay with him in the end...

[triedinception]

Unexpectedly honest, finally looking at Arthur, "No one could get tired of you, Arthur. You're smart and funny, and stable, and take care of yourself. And you care. Maybe a little too much," Eames whispered, rubbing at his arm where it was slightly sore from his last dose (hours ago, not wanting to do this coked up to Arthur).

"I'm not any of that. I'm just a rent boy and I'd just be a waste in your home."

[littlspecificty]

Arthur couldn't help the sadness that entered his face at that because he hated that Eames really did see himself like that (he had suspected but that didn't mean he had wanted that kind of thing confirmed).

Shaking his head, voice soft but utterly sincere, almost raw, "You're not a waste in any sense of the word, Eames."

"You are so much smarter than you give yourself credit for, you're beautiful in more ways than one, kinder than your life would warrant, and, " he laughs a little helplessly, eyes shining, "I think your smile is one of the most gorgeous things I've ever seen and your voice is something I would want to hear every day from now on."

Blinking furiously, shaking his head again, "You're not just a "rent boy" to me, Eames. You've never been "just that" to me."

[triedinception]

Eames... well, Eames doesn't know what to do. He wants to argue that he's not smart enough, not pretty enough for anything classy, not kind His smile is full of crooked teeth and his voice is just a voice.

But it's Arthur saying that, saying he's more, and he feels his body start to tremble. Like it does when Arthur wraps their hands together as they're having sex.

He scrubs his hands over his face, and then leaves them there, pressed to his eyes. Eventually, he speaks.

"...Just - just promise me you'll give me time to find another place. If you get tired of me. Don't toss me out on my arse."