3AM
The world has turned upside-down.
Our house has turned upside-down.
I can't sleep.
Too many to-do things on my mind that I either can't get to or don't have the willpower to take care of once I'm off work.
I managed to dick myself over by not keeping track of time right after getting hired, and so I missed the deadline for signing up for work's health insurance, because 1)the outsource company that manages it never sent me an email, and 2)I was too caught up in training for a new job and then stressing over interviewing for another and then stressing over world-wide shut-down that I completely forgot to follow up with the company in time regarding not receiving the email. I still have insurance through the Marketplace (Affordable Care Act, read: Obamacare, thank fuck it still exists), but I could probably be saving myself around $200/mo if I were on work's insurance. Also, my marketplace insurance subsidy was calculated based on last years' income, and this year will be more, which means I'll probably have to pay back a good amount of the monthly subsidy if I don't go ahead now and notify them of the pay change and start paying more per month now for my premiums. At least I already know what my $1200 IRS stipend will be going towards, and it ain't a spa day.
I found out that I'm one of the lucky ones that managed to land a (hopefully) long-term contract right before everything went tits up. The Dallas-Fort Worth area has around 35 folks that are employee-contractors like me that are benched with nothing to do, and are gradually starting to be laid off. Without incoming contracts for temp staff, there's no work for them and not enough income flow to warrant paying them to sit on their thumbs.
I moved my home office from the kitchen into my bedroom. We were too much in each others' ways between the roommates, animals, schedules, etc. It doesn't bother me, and in general I'm able to distinguish between work and home. My biggest problem is that despite now working this contract for almost 2 months, I'm still very much in training mode in about 1/4 of my job requirements. Whenever I'm in training mode, my brain just doesn't want to shut off. If there's something I don't understand or a procedure that I'm not 100% perfectly clear on, my brain wants to turn it over and over again trying to figure it out.
FYI - That part of your brain that does that - that goes over and over something that you're just not quite getting - that's the same part of the brain that creates PTSD. It's all the same mechanism. When you face something you don't understand, it's a minor "trauma" for your mind that has to be solved. Something like learning a new job is in fact putting your mind through a miniature trauma event that you should persevere through and come out understanding on the other side. Having your world upended because of a virus is no different than a new job, but on a more stressful level. Being a soldier in a war is what you could consider level 3 of that process. Some people can manage the stress and understanding and come out calm and better understanding of what's going on or what just happened on the other side, and others reach PTSD level and can never quite wrap their minds around it and keep going over and over and over it. That's what shell shock is. That's what so many people are experiencing right now.
So, that's my update. I'm drinking Monster at 3AM 4AM, because I got tired of thinking about the things I could be doing and decided fuck it I'm just going to get up and start doing them.
I have Friday off as a furlough day through the contracting client. The good news is that the day counts as a "bench" day for me at work, and I'm guaranteed 37.5 hours each week through my employer. 32 of those are working, billable hours (my contractual limit with this client), and 5.5 will be non-working, non-billable back to my primary company. It's not my usual full 40 hours, so my check will still be slightly less, but it's not completely unpaid time off like so many others are facing in the world. The 37.5 hours minimum was the default for this job when I took it, well before the virus stuff hit. As I mentioned above, I'm lucky I landed this contract when I did and have any work at all.
Our house has turned upside-down.
I can't sleep.
Too many to-do things on my mind that I either can't get to or don't have the willpower to take care of once I'm off work.
I managed to dick myself over by not keeping track of time right after getting hired, and so I missed the deadline for signing up for work's health insurance, because 1)the outsource company that manages it never sent me an email, and 2)I was too caught up in training for a new job and then stressing over interviewing for another and then stressing over world-wide shut-down that I completely forgot to follow up with the company in time regarding not receiving the email. I still have insurance through the Marketplace (Affordable Care Act, read: Obamacare, thank fuck it still exists), but I could probably be saving myself around $200/mo if I were on work's insurance. Also, my marketplace insurance subsidy was calculated based on last years' income, and this year will be more, which means I'll probably have to pay back a good amount of the monthly subsidy if I don't go ahead now and notify them of the pay change and start paying more per month now for my premiums. At least I already know what my $1200 IRS stipend will be going towards, and it ain't a spa day.
I found out that I'm one of the lucky ones that managed to land a (hopefully) long-term contract right before everything went tits up. The Dallas-Fort Worth area has around 35 folks that are employee-contractors like me that are benched with nothing to do, and are gradually starting to be laid off. Without incoming contracts for temp staff, there's no work for them and not enough income flow to warrant paying them to sit on their thumbs.
I moved my home office from the kitchen into my bedroom. We were too much in each others' ways between the roommates, animals, schedules, etc. It doesn't bother me, and in general I'm able to distinguish between work and home. My biggest problem is that despite now working this contract for almost 2 months, I'm still very much in training mode in about 1/4 of my job requirements. Whenever I'm in training mode, my brain just doesn't want to shut off. If there's something I don't understand or a procedure that I'm not 100% perfectly clear on, my brain wants to turn it over and over again trying to figure it out.
FYI - That part of your brain that does that - that goes over and over something that you're just not quite getting - that's the same part of the brain that creates PTSD. It's all the same mechanism. When you face something you don't understand, it's a minor "trauma" for your mind that has to be solved. Something like learning a new job is in fact putting your mind through a miniature trauma event that you should persevere through and come out understanding on the other side. Having your world upended because of a virus is no different than a new job, but on a more stressful level. Being a soldier in a war is what you could consider level 3 of that process. Some people can manage the stress and understanding and come out calm and better understanding of what's going on or what just happened on the other side, and others reach PTSD level and can never quite wrap their minds around it and keep going over and over and over it. That's what shell shock is. That's what so many people are experiencing right now.
So, that's my update. I'm drinking Monster at 3AM 4AM, because I got tired of thinking about the things I could be doing and decided fuck it I'm just going to get up and start doing them.
I have Friday off as a furlough day through the contracting client. The good news is that the day counts as a "bench" day for me at work, and I'm guaranteed 37.5 hours each week through my employer. 32 of those are working, billable hours (my contractual limit with this client), and 5.5 will be non-working, non-billable back to my primary company. It's not my usual full 40 hours, so my check will still be slightly less, but it's not completely unpaid time off like so many others are facing in the world. The 37.5 hours minimum was the default for this job when I took it, well before the virus stuff hit. As I mentioned above, I'm lucky I landed this contract when I did and have any work at all.