baaaaaaaaaaddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd
CANT ****ING TAKE THIS NE MORE, I REALLY CANT.
i feel like im about to explode, like i cant take things ne more.
i just triggered myself really really badly, i watched syilvia last night..infact i wrote this last night but then it didnt work so am trying to write this agen.
i wanna cut all i wanna do is cut and cut. and starve. i cant take it ne more. i feel so fat. i czn see it and it just makes me sick. i hate the sight of myself.
feel so alone, my parents dont understand, and my doctor seems to think im crazy.
i just wanna lose weight, am so fat and hate every bit of myselt, i just wanna be thin.
i want to be alone, in a way, part of me loves the darkness and the pain, and im scared, im scared of giving it all up, im scared of life without it, because i guess part of me has always been drawn to a sort of darker goth side of me i guess,
i feel so crap, i dnt wanna go ne where, i dnt wanna do nething, i guess i just wanna curl up and hide from everything.
i cant sorta leave the chair coz im rocking and im scared incase i go to far with tthe si,
im scared of the disociation, im scared of the dark, everytime i shut my eyes, i see little films going on and on all the time, im always in them, they're about death/ed/si things and its like a moving scene i can see it but i cant stop it.
i cant sleep, i cant do my art work, and its not like my course tutor is gonna believe that ive got insomnia.
i just dnt feel that i can cope, i think my work is crap i really do, i like doing my work but i think its crap the moment i see ne one elses work.
i hate myself so much, i dnt kno wat to do ne more, im scared. am sorry for writing this, taking up space on the board coz lets face it i am a waste of space, a time waster, thats not worth nething. . i feel like such an attention seeker, even tho all of this is the last thing i wld do for attention. i not that kinda person.
sometimes i feel im invisible. like i almost dont exist, or that im not living im just existing.
i guess my depression's getting worse, i cant control it, i cldnt see it coming,
im sorry i really am for repeating all this crap and just going on, am sorry for being me.
i try to be happy, i pretend just so that ppl dont ask me *how are you?* im tired of pretemding i really am, but i cant tell my friends at college not after last time, the doctor also seems to think im crazy.
cant see my therapist till tuesday and that seems so damn far away, dnt kno wat to do
*cries*
i feel like im about to explode, like i cant take things ne more.
i just triggered myself really really badly, i watched syilvia last night..infact i wrote this last night but then it didnt work so am trying to write this agen.
i wanna cut all i wanna do is cut and cut. and starve. i cant take it ne more. i feel so fat. i czn see it and it just makes me sick. i hate the sight of myself.
feel so alone, my parents dont understand, and my doctor seems to think im crazy.
i just wanna lose weight, am so fat and hate every bit of myselt, i just wanna be thin.
i want to be alone, in a way, part of me loves the darkness and the pain, and im scared, im scared of giving it all up, im scared of life without it, because i guess part of me has always been drawn to a sort of darker goth side of me i guess,
i feel so crap, i dnt wanna go ne where, i dnt wanna do nething, i guess i just wanna curl up and hide from everything.
i cant sorta leave the chair coz im rocking and im scared incase i go to far with tthe si,
im scared of the disociation, im scared of the dark, everytime i shut my eyes, i see little films going on and on all the time, im always in them, they're about death/ed/si things and its like a moving scene i can see it but i cant stop it.
i cant sleep, i cant do my art work, and its not like my course tutor is gonna believe that ive got insomnia.
i just dnt feel that i can cope, i think my work is crap i really do, i like doing my work but i think its crap the moment i see ne one elses work.
i hate myself so much, i dnt kno wat to do ne more, im scared. am sorry for writing this, taking up space on the board coz lets face it i am a waste of space, a time waster, thats not worth nething. . i feel like such an attention seeker, even tho all of this is the last thing i wld do for attention. i not that kinda person.
sometimes i feel im invisible. like i almost dont exist, or that im not living im just existing.
i guess my depression's getting worse, i cant control it, i cldnt see it coming,
im sorry i really am for repeating all this crap and just going on, am sorry for being me.
i try to be happy, i pretend just so that ppl dont ask me *how are you?* im tired of pretemding i really am, but i cant tell my friends at college not after last time, the doctor also seems to think im crazy.
cant see my therapist till tuesday and that seems so damn far away, dnt kno wat to do
*cries*