Question: How do you make your ex want you back?
Answer:
Breaking up (and the consequential heartbreak) is something most of us know from personal experience. In addition to the emotional suffering experienced during heartbreak, new research now indicates that accompanying trauma can be downright dangerous to your health. So small wonder that our readers are wondering just how to convince ones lost love to give them a second chance!
Sad cat.
Scientific research has proven ludicrously effective in explaining the instinctual behaviour of microns and insects, with those findings being applied to larger societies of people with moderate success. But when it comes to explaining the behavioural instincts of tindividual human beings, science has pretty much drawn a blank. We, as individuals, differ as much in behaviour as we do in numbers and thus predicting the reasons for our actions are haphazard guesses at best.
So, to be able to give our readers at least some kind of advice, we'll have to abandon all scientific reason and try to find some single outstanding examples of distant couples reuniting. Bear in mind that the final result may vary, but on this issue we just try to play the hand we're dealt. Thankfully there is a plethora of documentaries on the subject in question, so we have plenty of sources to reference from. We'll only be focusing on a couple of these documentaries here though and trust that our loyal readers will be able to gather any further information on their own.
For optimal results it is vital that the ghetto blaster be positioned at maximum elevation.
The first experiment our readers can try out was conducted in the movie 'Say anything' from 1989m directed by Cameron Crowe. Here, John Cusack successfully regains the love of his ex-girlfriend by standing outside her house, holding a giant ghetto-blaster above his head playing 'In your eyes' by sexy Genesis drummer Peter Gabriel, full blast. Our staff dare not determine whether it's the choice of song that did the trick, or whether it's a crucial issue that Cusack played it from a cassette tape or not, but to obtain maximum results it's probably best to re-enact the original scenario down to the last detail as much as possible. Taking into consideration that not many people nowadays still own ghetto-blasters that play cassette tapes, you'd probably end up using a CD. If the experiment fails, you might want to try again with an actual cassette player and increase the volume by at least 10 decibel.
However, if your ex-spouse is a whore or a male hooker, you might be better suited referencing the documentary 'Pretty Woman'. Released in 1990, it records the highs and lows of the relationship between Richard Gere and Julia Roberts, where one party makes a living off prostitution but the other by just being Richard Gere. According to this documentary, a foolproof way of reconnecting with your estranged amoured one is to overcome your fear of heights, climb up the fire escape of their apartment and hand them a bouquet of roses. Although, compared to the playback of Peter Gabriel, this advice might be a little too specific, for the odds of ones former spouse having a career as a hooker are very slim.
Amour ditches his arrows of love and upgrades his image for the 21. century.
Now, even if the two aforementioned ides are pretty useful, they lack the consideration of modern times. Thus lets look at one of the latest documentaries on the subject of re-acquitted love, which issue is a major plot thread in the blockbuster 'Cloverfield' released earlier this year. It tells the story of a group of friends at a party that goes seriously haywire when a 30-story tall alien monster attacks New York city. Here we get to follow Michael Stahl-Davis as he attempts to find his ex-girlfriend in the midst of the alien-attack destruction. The main lesson derived from this film is that nothing expresses true love like spending an afternoon fleeing from giant alien monsters and their parasite vermin. Aaawww!
Of course, the actions noted above may not be without fault. For example, it's considered terribly rude (not to mention illegal in some states) to blast loud music in residential areas, so Peter Gabriel will just have to succumb to common courtesy. And while prostitution is still legal in some western nations and states, it isn't exactly a wholesome or commendable profession, not to mention that entering ones abode unannounced via the fire escape is considered nothing less that breaking and entering. Also, adding a giant monster attack on top of your already suffering broken heart can't do you any good, but then again disasters caused by what can only be described as a roaring bi-pedal skyscraper are very rare, so the timing of any and all actions of redemption and displays of affection would have to be timed to perfection between said monster attacks.
Despite the obvious flaws, there are at least several valid points to these theories. The documentaries are proof that they've all succeeded at least once so no reason to think they won't do so at least once again.
Won't know unless you try!
(Originally posted by the Q & A section of the UCI. Roughly translated to English by moi. ;) )