In a Nut shell....my life at this point in time...
my life's calling has been declared...
i am not on this earth for the reasons i once believed. ive been living my life the worng way, following the wrong rules and religions... listening to the wrong ppl and i must have been following someone elses heart. i have been hurt far to many times in the past n yes ive done more than my fair share of hurting in the prosess. but ive recently come to realize that my life up until this point has not been wut its supposed to be. ive beena catholic all my life, raised in a home wwhere the rules are followed or broken n punishment ensues. abuse mentally physically emotionally... ive been taking it all for 18 years when i culd of been leading a life of happiness, peacefulness and serenity, like ive always wished for and desired. in the past couple of months these things have come to me... all these realizations and truths have ppped out of the wood works and made me aware of where my life should truely be going. im am truely sorry for al those who i have hurt n misled thru the past weeks, months, years or wutever... but until this point i wasnt aware of wut waz going on, let alone aware of myself.
several very important pplo in my life have recently decided that i was, well an un healthy person to b around. or something like that. the love of my life, the one i held closest to my heart, let me go... to many problems he couldnt fix, lies n decite, assumption... he thought i have been cheating on him.... my best friend, 'worried' because im trying new drugs. tasting the rainbow n getting an idea of the spectrum before me... getting my curiosity out of the way before it too ate, and a bigger problem occurs.... my family has denied me because they dont like the way im leading my life.... they dont seem to reaize that they r the ones who raised me n helped me lead the life i have today....they dont realize my problems of late are partially their problems as well. my poor little sisters hae to suffer becuase of wut my parents r doing to each other, me and the two littlest ones int he family they dont seem to be aware of hamring.... i pray that sammy n sarah can be strong the way i was, because i can no loonger shelter them from the life i am used to. i cannot protect them from the things i used to.
anyways enuff of that... crap has seriously hit the fan recently... with phil breaking up with me n my friends n family turning on me n wut not.... i am presently living in sunrise with Riven, Crimson, and Jailil DaMari.... three really awesome ppl who have been helping me n Paul out for the past week or so... God things are so fucked up n crazy rite now...
so many ppl hate me n judge me n think differently of me no , because i have some one in my life that ppl have judged as well n think bad things about teh whole situation.... the point being that yes, Paul n i are close... hes the best thing thats happened to me recently only because he n r so much alike.... we have pretty much the same past history, only very few things different. hes been my stability in the past few months when i needed it the most, hes saved me from others n mainly myself... hes been my savior to say the least.... im sorry to ne one that ivee been hanging with recently (Richie) tha has been in the dark about things n left to assume the worst... please, dont. if anything hate me n thank him. if not for him god only knows where i would b rite now... newyas i cannot keep rambling rite now... its time for me to go n talk to my new family of late... i will post soon in ergaurds to the first part of this post.... but for now i hope this helps...
PLUR
Love Always,
Stephie
i am not on this earth for the reasons i once believed. ive been living my life the worng way, following the wrong rules and religions... listening to the wrong ppl and i must have been following someone elses heart. i have been hurt far to many times in the past n yes ive done more than my fair share of hurting in the prosess. but ive recently come to realize that my life up until this point has not been wut its supposed to be. ive beena catholic all my life, raised in a home wwhere the rules are followed or broken n punishment ensues. abuse mentally physically emotionally... ive been taking it all for 18 years when i culd of been leading a life of happiness, peacefulness and serenity, like ive always wished for and desired. in the past couple of months these things have come to me... all these realizations and truths have ppped out of the wood works and made me aware of where my life should truely be going. im am truely sorry for al those who i have hurt n misled thru the past weeks, months, years or wutever... but until this point i wasnt aware of wut waz going on, let alone aware of myself.
several very important pplo in my life have recently decided that i was, well an un healthy person to b around. or something like that. the love of my life, the one i held closest to my heart, let me go... to many problems he couldnt fix, lies n decite, assumption... he thought i have been cheating on him.... my best friend, 'worried' because im trying new drugs. tasting the rainbow n getting an idea of the spectrum before me... getting my curiosity out of the way before it too ate, and a bigger problem occurs.... my family has denied me because they dont like the way im leading my life.... they dont seem to reaize that they r the ones who raised me n helped me lead the life i have today....they dont realize my problems of late are partially their problems as well. my poor little sisters hae to suffer becuase of wut my parents r doing to each other, me and the two littlest ones int he family they dont seem to be aware of hamring.... i pray that sammy n sarah can be strong the way i was, because i can no loonger shelter them from the life i am used to. i cannot protect them from the things i used to.
anyways enuff of that... crap has seriously hit the fan recently... with phil breaking up with me n my friends n family turning on me n wut not.... i am presently living in sunrise with Riven, Crimson, and Jailil DaMari.... three really awesome ppl who have been helping me n Paul out for the past week or so... God things are so fucked up n crazy rite now...
so many ppl hate me n judge me n think differently of me no , because i have some one in my life that ppl have judged as well n think bad things about teh whole situation.... the point being that yes, Paul n i are close... hes the best thing thats happened to me recently only because he n r so much alike.... we have pretty much the same past history, only very few things different. hes been my stability in the past few months when i needed it the most, hes saved me from others n mainly myself... hes been my savior to say the least.... im sorry to ne one that ivee been hanging with recently (Richie) tha has been in the dark about things n left to assume the worst... please, dont. if anything hate me n thank him. if not for him god only knows where i would b rite now... newyas i cannot keep rambling rite now... its time for me to go n talk to my new family of late... i will post soon in ergaurds to the first part of this post.... but for now i hope this helps...
PLUR
Love Always,
Stephie