hyper as fuxking...Im bouncin ofdf the walls again...
ya so im at richies.... not much differet from ne other time i post....lol...but iwanteed to say hello to neone who actually go n read these. but i dont know...i think i need to vent a little bit so....HERE WE Go!!!
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weeee!! ok so ya... thinks between me n phil have been rough.... but hey shit happens.... im human n humans make mistakes u live u learn...you get on with life... theres a been a lotg goin on in my lil head.... things that i expected...n definately things i did not.... ive met new friends....some ive known for a while... n others ive recently made....n thru wuts goin on now... im kinda able to weed out whos really gunna be my firend n help.... n whose gunna b the one to break my heart the most. my mind si constantly racing with thoughts of who my true friends are.... n i feel like the ones i want to be here for me.. the ones i love the most... r the ones i feel may not be what i expect of them.... its hurts me... just as im sure things ive done have hurt them. im sorry for all that ive done.... n im sorry that the way i am is a permenent thing... the one thing i cant change n most ppl want me to is how i deal with things, how i push ppl away when they get to close...most ppl that no understand... but they dont exactly know the full extent of my problem. its not me that really pushes... its the subconscience me that i can no longer control, ive recently found out i have D.I.D.( dissociative identity disorder) sarah jason rabbit danielle and phil are the only ones whove really seen me sturgle and fail, llosing my self into wut ever it is that takes over... there r many a times that i will loose like an hour or more a day... and recently int he past couple of weeks its happening more often than not.... ive had an episode just the other day... n i barely remember doin nething... i know i have a problem...n the ppl closest to me have seen...i do fight it... but i dont always win... i try but there r somethings in life one cannto control....n mine just happend to b whether or not i remember a certain period of time....i messed up this past weekend.... n i regret it more than most could possibly fathom. i hurt the one who is closer to me than ne one in the world... n in turn that hurts me.... but here r things about what i did that dont exactly add up... but hey no ones perfect at remembering ne thing...n it just worries me sometimes....neways.... thats the jist of whats going on inside this jumbled mnind of mine, but rite now i dont ahve the energy or the mind set to continue on witht this... more at antoher time... tootles for now...
PLUR
Stephanie
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weeee!! ok so ya... thinks between me n phil have been rough.... but hey shit happens.... im human n humans make mistakes u live u learn...you get on with life... theres a been a lotg goin on in my lil head.... things that i expected...n definately things i did not.... ive met new friends....some ive known for a while... n others ive recently made....n thru wuts goin on now... im kinda able to weed out whos really gunna be my firend n help.... n whose gunna b the one to break my heart the most. my mind si constantly racing with thoughts of who my true friends are.... n i feel like the ones i want to be here for me.. the ones i love the most... r the ones i feel may not be what i expect of them.... its hurts me... just as im sure things ive done have hurt them. im sorry for all that ive done.... n im sorry that the way i am is a permenent thing... the one thing i cant change n most ppl want me to is how i deal with things, how i push ppl away when they get to close...most ppl that no understand... but they dont exactly know the full extent of my problem. its not me that really pushes... its the subconscience me that i can no longer control, ive recently found out i have D.I.D.( dissociative identity disorder) sarah jason rabbit danielle and phil are the only ones whove really seen me sturgle and fail, llosing my self into wut ever it is that takes over... there r many a times that i will loose like an hour or more a day... and recently int he past couple of weeks its happening more often than not.... ive had an episode just the other day... n i barely remember doin nething... i know i have a problem...n the ppl closest to me have seen...i do fight it... but i dont always win... i try but there r somethings in life one cannto control....n mine just happend to b whether or not i remember a certain period of time....i messed up this past weekend.... n i regret it more than most could possibly fathom. i hurt the one who is closer to me than ne one in the world... n in turn that hurts me.... but here r things about what i did that dont exactly add up... but hey no ones perfect at remembering ne thing...n it just worries me sometimes....neways.... thats the jist of whats going on inside this jumbled mnind of mine, but rite now i dont ahve the energy or the mind set to continue on witht this... more at antoher time... tootles for now...
PLUR
Stephanie