(no subject)
i really miss some old aspects of my life...
here i am trying to distance myself further, and further from my old self, but who ever said who i used to be was a bad person. UGH! why cant i ever be happy with my decisions? why must i pick them apart until it seems the decisions ive made are the wrong ones. oh, how bad do i wish, i could be happy with what ive got, but itll never be enough, because ill always be thinging of what life would be like, if i wouldnt have decided to live this way. Basicly, i miss a lot of my old characteristics, and i miss a lot of my old friendships, or rather just any relationship i had with anyone. I miss not having any enemies. I miss the Tyler who used to turn the lights down low, then burn some incense, turn on some music that would fit my mood, and read, or just seriously consider life. I miss the Tyler who could keep promises. i miss the Tyler who cared about school, and cared about passing or failing. ugh! why cant i stay consistent in what i want?! why must i always long for a different me, why cant i be content with the way i am, why do i long for change in myself, but for the rest of the world to stay the same as it was? i want so bad to be the perfect person. do you know how much the weight of knowing the reason you miss someone is you fault hurts? Its painful. i want to go back so bad, and tell them i care, and i will always care, even in this present future. i wish you wouldnt have changed, and i wish i would change so we could all be happy again...i love you all, so much.