Anticipation

[trick]

love and hate
are two sides
the same emotion,
they say,
clicking their teeth with
knowledge from
a hallmark card.

my heartbeat
in my stomach
heat rising
through my cheeks
and the beat of hands
that don't know
where to go.
my eyes memorizing
the impossible,
counting seconds,
the inches and days.
knowing that when
there is only afterwards,
time will feel as though
it never passed.

convention falls
shorter than my breath;
they never told me
desire and fear
were also sharing
the same bed.