Story Update
Memoirs of a Muggle-born Witch
Author: tribebohemian
Chapter 3
rated PG 13
Disclaimer: I don't own... I just like to play with them for free
...After countless attempts to apologize, I gave up. Severus and I weren't simply back to non speaking terms... he was down to looking at me with pure loathing. Never had he been so hateful and he knew all the right buttons to push. I didn't think I'd ever forgive him for his awful, unnecessary insults and actions. Such is the life of a teenager. Wizard or not. It was another two years before he and I shared a civil word...
chapter 3
In the meantime I still had Alice and Remus as my close confidantes, though I missed a certain someone's dark humor and brooding brow. Determined to show this unbalanced world that a muggle-born was just as talented, if not better, I did little else but study. I would settle for nothing less than an E in all my O.W.Ls (and damned if I didn't succeed).
The next year I found Severus's presence quite difficult to ignore (despite my solemn vow to do so) for we shared several N.E.W.T classes together. Still, despite how many times Slughorn partnered us, he maintained his icy silence, as did I. By November James seemed to realize that I didn't respond to his macho bravado like the other girls and went for another tactic. He attempted to be polite. Nothing much for the average Englishman but for James... it was a complete overhaul.
Admittedly, I was taken aback, which also gave me room to reconsider my opinion of him. Alice encouraged the match, but taking the fact that she'd fancied James since second year, her opinion was a bit biased. Remus, as James's dear mate wasn't any better. Looking for a true reflection of the boy, I allowed Mr. Potter to 'court' me. In the loosest sense of the word. I merely tolerated his presence and refrained from walking away when he approached. Oh the sarcasm... I dearly missed Severus.
I will say this much for James... he was certainly capable of being charming when he wanted to. With his whispering endearments and pleasant attention I felt like the prettiest rose in summer. Still, through out the entire year we did nothing more than study, go to Hogsmeade, walk, talk, laugh or spend casual time together. He reached for my hand on several occasions and even tried to put his arm around my shoulders a few times, but I always moved just out of range. I do believe he thought me a tease and was spurred on by it. That Summer holiday he wrote me twice a week. So did Sirius and Peter Pettigrew (the fourth Marauder), egging me on to give their mate a chance. Remus, thankfully, wrote once every fortnight and only to see how my holiday was faring. Between them and Alice, Mum suggested opening an Owlery. Good thing Pet had her own flat. I can just imagine the screeching.
Their tenacity paid off for I finally agreed to spend the last month of summer with Alice's family. She was now seeing Frank Longbottom, a Gryffindor and a good friend of James's. This meant I saw a great deal of Mr. Potter and his companions. We certainly had fun those last few weeks before school started... had a bit of adventure while we were at it. Quidditch games, fairs, concerts in Diagon Alley... I can honestly say that by September, the Marauders had won me over.
The start of Seventh year saw me in the company of James quite often. I relented to the hand holding and even allowed him a few breath taking kisses. Everyone would refer to us as an item but I never saw it that way. Sure I liked James but I hadn't consented to being his girlfriend. At least not yet. Though I'll admit I was smitten with Mr. Potter.
That December, seemingly for no reason at all, Severus acknowledged my presence once more with a courteous “Miss Evans”, in Arithmancy. I near fell off my stool the first time it happened. But I kept my cool and answered with my customary “Severus”. From there our relationship picked up without preamble or explanation. Our new found friendship would have given Sirius an excuse to execute Severus on a daily basis had I not threatened to hex his bollocks off. I was pleased to see that James seemed to have lost a taste for tormenting Severus sometime ago.
Alice and Frank were engaged that March and I couldn't be happier for my friend though my own goals were loftier than marriage. I hoped to get a job at the Ministry. Bring some reform to our world in the area of Muggle/Wizard relations. Especially now with word about some wizard gone dark, reeking havok and tormenting muggles as a matter of principle.
In May James asked me to bond with him... then proceeded to curse everything and everyone in his path as he stomped off. I hadn't wanted to hurt him but there was no way I was ready to accept his hand. It was far too soon. I was only seventeen. I wanted to accomplish a few things before I started a family. Not to mention that I had yet to fall in love. Didn't that matter at all? James was wonderful and funny and he made me feel all tingly inside and I fancied him rotten. But love...?
He was kind enough not to hold it against me, after his initial tantrums at least. Sirius advocated for his heartbreak and swore that he spent all his time in the dorms moping and drowning his sorrows in firewhiskey. Despite this storm cloud in what was once paradise, the weeks leading up to N.E.W.Ts were quiet and passed quickly.
Graduation dawned clear with a picturesque sky. Some kids were getting straight on the train afterwards while others were staying in Hogsmeade for the numerous celebrations. I knew Severus would be leaving right away and searched in vain through the crowd to say my farewell. We hadn't had a chance to speak at all in the last couple weeks with all the testing going on. I just knew this would be my last chance to ever see him again. Just when I'd given up on spotting his lanky head of hair, he found me.
“There you are.” I smiled. “Thought you were leaving without saying goodbye.”
“No.” He gave a small shake of his head and studied the graduation cap in his hands. “I gather you'll be staying in Hogsmeade tonight with your friends.”
I nodded. “And you'll be leaving for London. When do your Mastery classes begin?”
“August... for those taking a break.”
“Which you're not.”
A small smirk. “No. I start next week. Just enough time to get organised.”
“Where will you be staying? Surely it's too far to commute from home.”
“A boarding house for apprentices.”
“Well then...” I paused somewhat at a loss. I wasn't sure of what I wanted to say to Severus. Though whatever it was, it would never be enough. “I hope all goes well for you. Maybe I'll run into you in London sometime.”
“Maybe.” There was an unusual warmth in those dark eyes of his that made my heart skip a beat. “I wish you the very best Miss Evans... Lily.” He finished softly.
The next moment I was debating giving him a hug and then he was leaning in to kiss me gently. The brush of his lips to mine was so soft I nearly missed it. There was no way, however, that I could miss the spike of my pulse at that minute contact. We shared a look that in my memory could have moved landscapes... and then he was gone.
Alice dragged me along to make our rounds at the various parties going on, finally settling at Hinkypunks. At the time it was the hot spot for the young wizarding crowd. James was oddly quiet and I worried that perhaps he was still upset with me. My fears proved unfounded when he asked if I wanted to go somewhere quiet to talk. 'Somewhere quiet' turned out to be a room upstairs that Sirius had apparently booked in the hopes of getting lucky.
“With whom?” I asked playfully. “I haven't seen him with anyone since Naomi Truett, unless you count Remus. My sympathies for the girl, whoever she may be.”
“Sirius not to your tastes?”
“Well,” I circled my surroundings aimlessly. “He's certainly handsome and gifted and all that but... he's lacking something fundemental.”
“Such as?” James watched my progress around the room with amusement.
“Oh I don't know... common sense perhaps.” We both laughed. “I'm kidding. I don't know what it is. Guess I can't put a name on it.”
Sitting himself in an easy chair James quirked an eyebrow at me. “Do I have this fundemental trait?”
“You know you do.” I countered quickly. “I already said it wasn't about you James. You're wonderful... I'm just not ready to be married.”
“I know, I know.” He gave a nod of concession.
“Who knows how I'll feel in a couple years.” I stopped circling the room as I was starting to get a bit light headed. "Or how you'll feel. Two years from now you may be thanking me for letting you make a lucky escape."
"I highly doubt that Lily."
I smiled awkwardly at his odd tone before sitting on the edge of the bed. "Well then I guess we'll just have to wait and see what..." My breath caught in my throat for no apparent reason and I had to shrug off a strange fluttery sensation in my stomach. "...what happens."
"You alright?"
"Yeah," I nodded though my skin had broken out in gooseflesh. "Just a tad dizzy."
He sat beside me on the bed and put a wrist to my forehead. "You're a bit warm." A strange pause. "Maybe you ought to lie back for a bit."
"It's nothing so serious, I'm sure." I answered weakly though by now my head was spinning and my heart rate had increased tenfold by his proximity. "Nothing a sobering charm won't cure." James now had an arm around my shoulders with his other hand tracing my thigh and I thought I might pass out from the heat. "I should..." warm breath on my neck made me gasp. "...go."
"It'll be alright." He whispered and then kissed my cheek tenderly. "I'll look after you." Another kiss to my ear. "I'd never let anything bad happen to you Lily."
Suddenly my brain caught up with my body's reactions and I pulled away sharply to look at him. "James?" His pupils had dilated so greatly that only a rim of his hazel irises were visible. His skin was flushed and glowing and I could practically hear his heart racing. It was obvious that whatever was running through my blood stream had tainted his as well. "What did you do?" I asked in a fearful whisper.
Enamoured eyes gazed back. "I'm not sure... I'm sorry." He apologized quietly before taking my mouth in a fierce kiss.
Despite the many protesting thoughts running through my drug addled brain, I let James take me with passionate vigor. It wasn't as though I could help it. His very touch had my body humming and taunt as a bow string. Demanding and possessive as the drug forced him to be, he was as gentle as his arousal would allow. It was still painful when he deflowered me and I clung to him, whimpering even as I encouraged his actions.
"Oh Merlin!" His cries filled the room. "I'm sorry... so sorry...oh...oh Lily, don't hate me... yes... yes, yes yes... you feel so good... I'm sorry... oh Lily, love you... so much... so much... forgive me..."
When I came, I felt my body would shatter from the intensity. James wasn't any better as he shouted his victory to the wizards of old. I think we might have set the window dressings to smolder. Afterward we both seemed to black out... a side affect of the drug I'm sure... and didn't regain consciousness til morning. I was first to wake, enjoying a blissful moment of ignorance before memories of the night came crashing back. Beside me James slept on looking thoroughly debauched. Quickly I leaped out of bed and dressed, not caring if he woke in the midst of my flight. After haphardly throwing my clothes on, for a full minute I stood by his sleeping form with my wand pointed at his temple. My mind was in conflict, part of me wanting to hex him into another realm while the other (the part that still cared for him deeply) had already forgiven his transgressions, misguided as they were. In silent contemplation, I left.
Later on Alice would berate me for taking off without so much as a goodbye. She wondered where I had gone when I left the party... I didn't tell her. James owled me yet another apology a week after.
Dearest Lily
You no doubt want nothing more to do with me and I wouldn't blame you for throwing this into the fire without being opened. I don't deserve to be heard and I certainly don't deserve you. As a wife or a friend.
It was a low grade aphrodisiac... at least that's what the potions vendor who sold it to me said. I don't know what I was thinking. It could have been poison... I could have killed us both. As it is I feel my actions have already taken us to a place from which we'll never return.
I have no other explanation other than I love and wanted you. Pathetic really. I wasn't even certain I would use it. It was a sad last ditch effort to get you back. What I've done is unforgiveable. I've robbed you of something that no one has any right to take. Something that should have been given freely... and to someone far more worthy than myself.
I don't regret being with you Lily... only the circumstances. And the fact that I've lost a friendship with the dearest woman I'll ever know. I know I asked you to forgive me but I don't expect it. I'm not sure I can even forgive myself.
I love you Lily and I wish you well.
Humbly yours,
James
That was a dismal Summer.
Author: tribebohemian
Chapter 3
rated PG 13
Disclaimer: I don't own... I just like to play with them for free
...After countless attempts to apologize, I gave up. Severus and I weren't simply back to non speaking terms... he was down to looking at me with pure loathing. Never had he been so hateful and he knew all the right buttons to push. I didn't think I'd ever forgive him for his awful, unnecessary insults and actions. Such is the life of a teenager. Wizard or not. It was another two years before he and I shared a civil word...
chapter 3
In the meantime I still had Alice and Remus as my close confidantes, though I missed a certain someone's dark humor and brooding brow. Determined to show this unbalanced world that a muggle-born was just as talented, if not better, I did little else but study. I would settle for nothing less than an E in all my O.W.Ls (and damned if I didn't succeed).
The next year I found Severus's presence quite difficult to ignore (despite my solemn vow to do so) for we shared several N.E.W.T classes together. Still, despite how many times Slughorn partnered us, he maintained his icy silence, as did I. By November James seemed to realize that I didn't respond to his macho bravado like the other girls and went for another tactic. He attempted to be polite. Nothing much for the average Englishman but for James... it was a complete overhaul.
Admittedly, I was taken aback, which also gave me room to reconsider my opinion of him. Alice encouraged the match, but taking the fact that she'd fancied James since second year, her opinion was a bit biased. Remus, as James's dear mate wasn't any better. Looking for a true reflection of the boy, I allowed Mr. Potter to 'court' me. In the loosest sense of the word. I merely tolerated his presence and refrained from walking away when he approached. Oh the sarcasm... I dearly missed Severus.
I will say this much for James... he was certainly capable of being charming when he wanted to. With his whispering endearments and pleasant attention I felt like the prettiest rose in summer. Still, through out the entire year we did nothing more than study, go to Hogsmeade, walk, talk, laugh or spend casual time together. He reached for my hand on several occasions and even tried to put his arm around my shoulders a few times, but I always moved just out of range. I do believe he thought me a tease and was spurred on by it. That Summer holiday he wrote me twice a week. So did Sirius and Peter Pettigrew (the fourth Marauder), egging me on to give their mate a chance. Remus, thankfully, wrote once every fortnight and only to see how my holiday was faring. Between them and Alice, Mum suggested opening an Owlery. Good thing Pet had her own flat. I can just imagine the screeching.
Their tenacity paid off for I finally agreed to spend the last month of summer with Alice's family. She was now seeing Frank Longbottom, a Gryffindor and a good friend of James's. This meant I saw a great deal of Mr. Potter and his companions. We certainly had fun those last few weeks before school started... had a bit of adventure while we were at it. Quidditch games, fairs, concerts in Diagon Alley... I can honestly say that by September, the Marauders had won me over.
The start of Seventh year saw me in the company of James quite often. I relented to the hand holding and even allowed him a few breath taking kisses. Everyone would refer to us as an item but I never saw it that way. Sure I liked James but I hadn't consented to being his girlfriend. At least not yet. Though I'll admit I was smitten with Mr. Potter.
That December, seemingly for no reason at all, Severus acknowledged my presence once more with a courteous “Miss Evans”, in Arithmancy. I near fell off my stool the first time it happened. But I kept my cool and answered with my customary “Severus”. From there our relationship picked up without preamble or explanation. Our new found friendship would have given Sirius an excuse to execute Severus on a daily basis had I not threatened to hex his bollocks off. I was pleased to see that James seemed to have lost a taste for tormenting Severus sometime ago.
Alice and Frank were engaged that March and I couldn't be happier for my friend though my own goals were loftier than marriage. I hoped to get a job at the Ministry. Bring some reform to our world in the area of Muggle/Wizard relations. Especially now with word about some wizard gone dark, reeking havok and tormenting muggles as a matter of principle.
In May James asked me to bond with him... then proceeded to curse everything and everyone in his path as he stomped off. I hadn't wanted to hurt him but there was no way I was ready to accept his hand. It was far too soon. I was only seventeen. I wanted to accomplish a few things before I started a family. Not to mention that I had yet to fall in love. Didn't that matter at all? James was wonderful and funny and he made me feel all tingly inside and I fancied him rotten. But love...?
He was kind enough not to hold it against me, after his initial tantrums at least. Sirius advocated for his heartbreak and swore that he spent all his time in the dorms moping and drowning his sorrows in firewhiskey. Despite this storm cloud in what was once paradise, the weeks leading up to N.E.W.Ts were quiet and passed quickly.
Graduation dawned clear with a picturesque sky. Some kids were getting straight on the train afterwards while others were staying in Hogsmeade for the numerous celebrations. I knew Severus would be leaving right away and searched in vain through the crowd to say my farewell. We hadn't had a chance to speak at all in the last couple weeks with all the testing going on. I just knew this would be my last chance to ever see him again. Just when I'd given up on spotting his lanky head of hair, he found me.
“There you are.” I smiled. “Thought you were leaving without saying goodbye.”
“No.” He gave a small shake of his head and studied the graduation cap in his hands. “I gather you'll be staying in Hogsmeade tonight with your friends.”
I nodded. “And you'll be leaving for London. When do your Mastery classes begin?”
“August... for those taking a break.”
“Which you're not.”
A small smirk. “No. I start next week. Just enough time to get organised.”
“Where will you be staying? Surely it's too far to commute from home.”
“A boarding house for apprentices.”
“Well then...” I paused somewhat at a loss. I wasn't sure of what I wanted to say to Severus. Though whatever it was, it would never be enough. “I hope all goes well for you. Maybe I'll run into you in London sometime.”
“Maybe.” There was an unusual warmth in those dark eyes of his that made my heart skip a beat. “I wish you the very best Miss Evans... Lily.” He finished softly.
The next moment I was debating giving him a hug and then he was leaning in to kiss me gently. The brush of his lips to mine was so soft I nearly missed it. There was no way, however, that I could miss the spike of my pulse at that minute contact. We shared a look that in my memory could have moved landscapes... and then he was gone.
Alice dragged me along to make our rounds at the various parties going on, finally settling at Hinkypunks. At the time it was the hot spot for the young wizarding crowd. James was oddly quiet and I worried that perhaps he was still upset with me. My fears proved unfounded when he asked if I wanted to go somewhere quiet to talk. 'Somewhere quiet' turned out to be a room upstairs that Sirius had apparently booked in the hopes of getting lucky.
“With whom?” I asked playfully. “I haven't seen him with anyone since Naomi Truett, unless you count Remus. My sympathies for the girl, whoever she may be.”
“Sirius not to your tastes?”
“Well,” I circled my surroundings aimlessly. “He's certainly handsome and gifted and all that but... he's lacking something fundemental.”
“Such as?” James watched my progress around the room with amusement.
“Oh I don't know... common sense perhaps.” We both laughed. “I'm kidding. I don't know what it is. Guess I can't put a name on it.”
Sitting himself in an easy chair James quirked an eyebrow at me. “Do I have this fundemental trait?”
“You know you do.” I countered quickly. “I already said it wasn't about you James. You're wonderful... I'm just not ready to be married.”
“I know, I know.” He gave a nod of concession.
“Who knows how I'll feel in a couple years.” I stopped circling the room as I was starting to get a bit light headed. "Or how you'll feel. Two years from now you may be thanking me for letting you make a lucky escape."
"I highly doubt that Lily."
I smiled awkwardly at his odd tone before sitting on the edge of the bed. "Well then I guess we'll just have to wait and see what..." My breath caught in my throat for no apparent reason and I had to shrug off a strange fluttery sensation in my stomach. "...what happens."
"You alright?"
"Yeah," I nodded though my skin had broken out in gooseflesh. "Just a tad dizzy."
He sat beside me on the bed and put a wrist to my forehead. "You're a bit warm." A strange pause. "Maybe you ought to lie back for a bit."
"It's nothing so serious, I'm sure." I answered weakly though by now my head was spinning and my heart rate had increased tenfold by his proximity. "Nothing a sobering charm won't cure." James now had an arm around my shoulders with his other hand tracing my thigh and I thought I might pass out from the heat. "I should..." warm breath on my neck made me gasp. "...go."
"It'll be alright." He whispered and then kissed my cheek tenderly. "I'll look after you." Another kiss to my ear. "I'd never let anything bad happen to you Lily."
Suddenly my brain caught up with my body's reactions and I pulled away sharply to look at him. "James?" His pupils had dilated so greatly that only a rim of his hazel irises were visible. His skin was flushed and glowing and I could practically hear his heart racing. It was obvious that whatever was running through my blood stream had tainted his as well. "What did you do?" I asked in a fearful whisper.
Enamoured eyes gazed back. "I'm not sure... I'm sorry." He apologized quietly before taking my mouth in a fierce kiss.
Despite the many protesting thoughts running through my drug addled brain, I let James take me with passionate vigor. It wasn't as though I could help it. His very touch had my body humming and taunt as a bow string. Demanding and possessive as the drug forced him to be, he was as gentle as his arousal would allow. It was still painful when he deflowered me and I clung to him, whimpering even as I encouraged his actions.
"Oh Merlin!" His cries filled the room. "I'm sorry... so sorry...oh...oh Lily, don't hate me... yes... yes, yes yes... you feel so good... I'm sorry... oh Lily, love you... so much... so much... forgive me..."
When I came, I felt my body would shatter from the intensity. James wasn't any better as he shouted his victory to the wizards of old. I think we might have set the window dressings to smolder. Afterward we both seemed to black out... a side affect of the drug I'm sure... and didn't regain consciousness til morning. I was first to wake, enjoying a blissful moment of ignorance before memories of the night came crashing back. Beside me James slept on looking thoroughly debauched. Quickly I leaped out of bed and dressed, not caring if he woke in the midst of my flight. After haphardly throwing my clothes on, for a full minute I stood by his sleeping form with my wand pointed at his temple. My mind was in conflict, part of me wanting to hex him into another realm while the other (the part that still cared for him deeply) had already forgiven his transgressions, misguided as they were. In silent contemplation, I left.
Later on Alice would berate me for taking off without so much as a goodbye. She wondered where I had gone when I left the party... I didn't tell her. James owled me yet another apology a week after.
Dearest Lily
You no doubt want nothing more to do with me and I wouldn't blame you for throwing this into the fire without being opened. I don't deserve to be heard and I certainly don't deserve you. As a wife or a friend.
It was a low grade aphrodisiac... at least that's what the potions vendor who sold it to me said. I don't know what I was thinking. It could have been poison... I could have killed us both. As it is I feel my actions have already taken us to a place from which we'll never return.
I have no other explanation other than I love and wanted you. Pathetic really. I wasn't even certain I would use it. It was a sad last ditch effort to get you back. What I've done is unforgiveable. I've robbed you of something that no one has any right to take. Something that should have been given freely... and to someone far more worthy than myself.
I don't regret being with you Lily... only the circumstances. And the fact that I've lost a friendship with the dearest woman I'll ever know. I know I asked you to forgive me but I don't expect it. I'm not sure I can even forgive myself.
I love you Lily and I wish you well.
Humbly yours,
James
That was a dismal Summer.