May and Dax's Room: May (ATTN: Dax)

[tribal_may]

May slowly opened her eyes, wincing at the daylight for a moment before promptly re-closing them. She pulled the blanket a little tighter around herself, her head pounding, and swore under her breath. She did not remember getting into bed. She did not remember much of anything of the night before, actually, except for pieces of the hen party

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[tribal_may]

She forced her eyes to narrow in distress as he spoke, but this was hard considering how cute he looked all sleepy-eyed. Shaking her head as if to snap herself out of the attempted nice thoughts, she focused again on the fact that for some reason she had ended up in bed with Dax. Last night was a slight blur towards the end, but she clearly remembered going to bed alone. She wrapped the blanket tighter around herself before she spoke.

“Dax, what are you doing here? I mean.. what made you think you could just sneak into bed with me after.. after that you said yesterday? Don’t you even start to think I have forgiven you.”

The tone in her voice was not the most pleasant. It was at this moment, she got up off the bed to stand beside it, the blanket clinging to her body. She wanted an answer and she wanted it now. What the hell gave him the idea that he could just waltz in here and climb into bed with her? Her thoughts drifted back to what he had said and then to the letter. Sure, the letter was nice, but it was almost like he had written it because he knew he was going to screw up. Well, he could just eat his letter because she didn’t like the fact that he didn’t trust her when she hadn’t done a damn thing to make him not. Holding the blanket to her chest with one hand, she placed the other on her hip and tapped her foot impatiently waiting for an answer.

“Well, what do you have to say this time?”

[_dax]

Dax squeezed his eyes together, flopping onto his back and pressing his hands to his eyes, sighing inwardly, it was too early in the morning to deal with this, but he had made his bed, so to speak, and he would have to lie in it. He looked to her as she moved out of the bed, standing there looking so irritated first thing in the morning, and he slowly sat up and moved out of the bed. "It's my room too, May, or had you forgotten that? It's not as if there is somewhere else for me to sleep," he spoke quietly, and he knew he was full of it. He could have probably gone to the hospital and taken up one of their empty beds, or he could have found a couch somewhere, but the fact of the matter was, he hadn't wanted to.

"I'm sorry, you don't have to be so cross with me, it's not as if I put the moves on you," he padded over to the chair, picking up his pants and slipping them on. He moved to the dresser and pulled open a drawer, taking his clean shirt out and slipping into it, tucking it into his pants. Dax turned back to face her, an apologetic look on his face, "I really am sorry about yesterday, May, I don't know how I can make it up to you," he said sincerely as he walked towards her, standing near her and wanting so badly to touch her, to hold her, but restraining himself for fear of upsetting her even more.

[tribal_may]

"It's my room too, May, or had you forgotten that? It's not as if there is somewhere else for me to sleep," She knew he was lying. There was plenty of places that he could have chosen to sleep in but instead he chose to take his chances with her. Deep down she respected the fact that he wasn’t afraid of her and that was what she needed in a guy. Then again, she couldn’t just forgive him for what he said. He didn’t trust her and that cut deeper than anything else someone could do. Trust was the foundation of every relationship, romantic or not, and he proved to her that even if he did love her like he said, he didn’t trust her.

She couldn’t help but shake her head at his words, and the look on her face matched her sudden sad deposition. The more she thought about it, the more it hurt her. She trusted him, and yesterday before all this happened, she had been thinking that maybe she was growing to love him. How could she trust someone who didn’t trust her. “I don’t know what you can do either. That’s not something someone can just forgive, you know? I haven’t done anything to warrant the distrust you have shown me.”

Biting the right corner of her bottom lip, she closed her eyes to counteract the tears she knew where on their way. Her voice had begun to waver towards the end, emotions running high with her words. May raised her hand to rub her eyes, but it was just another attempt to stop the tears that had started to flow. “Damn it Dax. I let you in. I trusted you with the most vulnerable part of me and you just threw it back in my face beaten and bruised. Do you have any idea just how hard it is to admit to myself that I’m falling for you? …”

She paused for a moment, took a breath and turned her back to him. The thought of telling him to his face, of letting him see the sadness he created in her was unbearable. She tough, and she was cold hearted. No one got to her, no one could defrost the ice that Pride grew around her heart, but it had happened. Dax some how weaseled his way past all her barriers and had started to bring back the light to her life. “That I’m just as in love with you, as you claim to be with me in that letter..” That was it, she couldn’t speak anymore, instead she threw her face into her hands, the blanket dropped to the floor, and she couldn’t hold back the tears that begged to be released.

[_dax]

"Havent..." Dax looked at her with annoyance, "May, you've been sneaking in and out of this Mall all week, and whenever I'd ask you about it you'd act as if I was bad, or change the subject, and then yesterday you came home with Zapper blue in your pocket, and I know you had a reason for it, but you always have excuses," he told her, frowning a bit. He didn't mean to make it worse, but that was just not true. She started to cry, however, and then spoke again, and he couldn't keep up the frustrated anger he seemed to have, it was still a sore spot with him that she had played at all, but he knew he had to let it go. She'd explained it a bit to him, and it wasn't her fault, they'd both kept secrets from each other, he had yet to tell her all about Shae, he'd only told her that he'd been in love once before, that it had ended badly and he hadn't thought he could love again.

Shae had been his first love, and he'd thought she'd love him the same, she always acted like she did, even if she told him he was stupid and was always putting him down, he figured it was playful, and after every incident where she berated him and told him he was too stupid to live, she'd always turn and go back to loving, gentle touch, soft kisses Shae. He'd told her he was in love with her, and she had smiled and said, Thanks, and the next night she'd left the entire Tribe, telling Dax as she packed that he was too stupid to live, he'd never get anywhere in the world because he didn't have two brain cells to rub together, and that he just wasn't enough of a man for her, and she'd left for the Jackals.

May was different, she'd never told him he was stupid, in fact, she'd often told him he didn't give himself enough credit, and she'd been so nice to him, without the stinging anger that always came from Shae first. Yes, May had been bossy, yes, she'd pushed him around a bit and told him he was naive and that he'd have to learn to take care of himself or that he'd die out there, but she never did it in a mean way. Her kisses were sincere, and she'd given him so much more than Shae ever had. He had stopped comparing her to Shae long ago, and up until that point with the bandanna he'd almost stopped thinking about her completely. Now he was regressing and comparing them again and he knew it was wrong, it had to stop.

The look on her face when she turned back, the hurt in her eyes, he was broken and he embraced her quickly, holding her to him, "Shh shh, May please," he kissed the top of her head, "It's not a claim, it's my truth," and then he realized what she was saying. Was she in love with him too? That was what she'd just said wasn't it? "I'm sorry, I've been hurt in the past, you've been hurt in the past, I know it's unfair of me to expect to always be treated the same way by any girl, you're not just any girl, you're my May," he closed his mouth and frowned, she'd always said he talked too much. If he couldn't make this better, he didn't know what he was going to do, all he knew was that he needed May in his life, and he'd do anything to hang on.

[tribal_may]

Okay, so he was right, she had been sneaking in and out of the mall, but it was for good reasons! The more people who knew that she was spying for Salene in the wars, made more of a chance that she could get caught. Kids were crazy for this game, she could get hurt by them for being a traitor or even worse, they could hurt someone from the Mall. This wasn’t helping his case. When you apologize to someone you don’t point out their faults. It’s like digging your own grave. Is that what he wanted now? Did he want to be away from her? She knew of Shae, the girl who left him broken and bruised, but that was what made her trust him so much. He knew how she felt, and he understood where she came from. Sure, Pride didn’t tell her she was dumb, but he sure made her feel like it. He made her feel like he thought she as a child, and couldn’t take the truth. To hell with that, the truth was all that anyone had anymore.

Dax never made her feel like that. He made her feel more like an adult and like a woman than anyone she had ever known. The attention he gave her made her feel like she was wanted and maybe even needed. That was something she never had the chance to feel before. Even when she was a kid, before the virus, no one paid attention to May, it was always about her older sister Lisa.

She felt his arms wrap around the frame of her body, the kiss he planted on the top of her head sent warmth down her body. Just him being there, touching her, made everything seem better. She had finally done it, she broke down and told him how she felt, and it didn’t hurt as much as it did before. His May? She couldn’t help but smile at this words. Allowing herself to be held, her sobs quieted until they were nothing but the wet stains left on her cheeks.

“ I know Dax. I’m sorry… for everything. You’re my Dax, too. Just please.. please don’t hurt me like he did. Don’t leave me all alone again. I know I couldn’t take another cut like that again. Please, Dax… please..” She trailed off as her voice quivered again and sounded like she was on the verge of tears again.

[_dax]

"Shh May, you have nothing to be sorry for, it's my fault, I take all of the blame, I was a complete ass," he told her, hugging her tight, his hand coming up to pet her hair gently, sneaking around under her chin to lift her face up, looking into her eyes. It wasn't like her to be so..vulnerable, kind of weak, it was a new side of her he'd never seen. Even when she'd cried in front of him before, she was so tough about it, but he smiled, it was nice to be allowed to see parts of May that other people obviously didn't. "I'm not going to hurt you like he did, May, you're not Shae, and I'm not Pride," he kissed her lips gently, leaving it there in the lingering kiss before pulling back and hugging her again.

Dax didn't know Pride, he'd never met the guy, but after what he'd done to Salene, the state she'd been in, and how he'd heard at that party from May's mouth how he'd only told her he loved her so he could get in her pants. Dax wanted to pound the creep, and if he ever showed his face here at the Mall, Dax had taken a vow to do just that. That wasn't the point right now, however, and he rubbed her back gently, just glad to be allowed to hold her, still kind of in shock over the fact that she'd said she loved him too. He wanted to ask her, to make her say it again, repeat it, but he couldn't even bring himself to say it again for fear that it was the wrong thing to say.

"I think it's breakfast, are you hungry?" everything he said now felt hollow and stupid, he was afraid of making the same mistake again, of saying the wrong things, he was doubting himself. He took a deep quiet breath and reminded himself that he loved May, and if he'd heard right, she loved him too, he just had to continue to be confident in that. Now if only she'd tell him what was going on, though he was afraid to press the issue. "Are you," he began, unsure, closing his eyes and finding his nerve, "Will you be going out into the city again today? How is your shoulder, by the way?"

[tribal_may]

“I know you’re not Pride. I never thought you could be, but people hurt people.. it’s just what they do.” She smiled on the inside when he kissed her; she didn’t want him to let go because he made her feel safe, even when he said stupid things. In her heart, she knew she loved him, even longed to say it again, but she was being too mushy as it was. Her eyes narrowed for a moment. She told him that she loved him, but he hadn’t said it back. Yeah, the kiss and the holding kinda implied it, but he hadn’t said it.

Her stomach rumbled in response to his question as a smile appeared on her lips. “Well, I guess that answers that question!” She knew he hadn’t meant to ruin the moment, but he was a guy, and guys were lead by two things, one was their stomach and the other was something a bit lower. His next question didn’t anger her as much as it would have before. She knew that she would have to let him in on at least some of the details at some point in time if he was ever going to trust her. If he was sneaking around, she would have felt the same way as he did.

“I’m not sure yet… I mean, I haven’t really thought about what I was going to do today. But if I decide too. I’ll try to warn you ahead of time. Okay?” Her tone was a little sharp towards the end, but she didn’t like feeling like she needed a babysitter. She winced slightly when he brought up her shoulder. Yeah, it still hurt. She got pushed into a metal barrel for pete's sake. “It’s okay… nothing that I haven’t had to deal with before.” She moved from his arms and towards the dresser. Going to breakfast in the same clothes she slept in, also being the same clothes she wore to the party last night would look bad, so she collected a new shirt and pants to replace the old ones. “Look, Dax. Just don’t push the issue. Yeah, I said I love you, but that doesn’t mean I’m ready to spill all the beans to you. A Girl has to have a couple secrets.” She paused knowing her words would most likely hurt him. Maybe she was being too harsh. “ How about this? When I feel like it’s okay.. I’ll tell you about what I’m doing.. but until then.. just drop it? Yeah, I like a good argument as much as the next person and I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to fight like we did yesterday again.” She was changing her clothes as she spoke, and when finished she turned to face him again.

[_dax]

Dax walked to the small table in the room, picking up his wallet and chains and attaching them to his pants before taking a seat in the chair and slipping his boots on. He didn't suspect that he needed a jacket, he couldn't remember what his chore today was, but he knew Salene had put up a new rota yesterday so perhaps he'd be surprised to find himself off duty. Of course that didn't mean she wouldn't want to head out into the city at some point, but with the prospect of the wedding today Dax could almost certainly count that out. It would be almost like a free day, maybe if May stuck around they could hang out and spend time together, something that had been lacking greatly in their relationship lately. He stood up and pulled his comb from his back pocket, combing his hair into his regular style.

He listened quietly as she told him to drop it, he did understand, he knew better than anyone about keeping secrets, even from those that you loved, but he was trying to turn a new page, be a new person and not hide, and something about May needing to hide things from him rubbed him the wrong way, but he couldn't argue with that. Well, he could, but he didn't want to. It was too early after waking up and he was too hungry to think rationally enough to not snap at the wrong things.

"Sure thing," he agreed simply, and he meant it, he'd drop it, for now. Walking to the coat rack he paused, his hand hovering over his own jacket, eying the jacket she'd come home with yesterday, and once more regretting everything, his words, his actions, the entire scene played again before his eyes. He picked up his jacket and slipped it on, just in case Salene decided to take a sudden trip into town, he'd at least have it nearby in the Cafe or something. He remembered one last item, walking near her by the dresser as she turned, pressing against her as he reached around her and picked up the necklace, putting it around his neck with ease. He ran his hand down her cheek, however, in one smooth motion, she was so beautiful, and his heart skipped, did that ever end? This feeling of complete...happiness, even when angry or angsty?