May:On the Roof
[OOC:This is a moderator update on May to tie up her loose ends so her next owner doesn't have to jump in blindly and try to fix things. That's all.]
May had left the Mall, intent on going out into the City, but paused in the exit and went up to the roof instead, sitting on a crate and watching the City for a good long while. Hiding wasn't what she'd call it exactly, she just needed alone time, to mull over everything. She'd pulled her feet up onto the crate, pulling her knees to her chest and watching the world in her sightline, the wind whipping her hair, but none of it took her mind off of what had happened. Time passed, and she finally let go of her legs, watching as the sun set, so many thoughts, but she'd finally organized some of them. Playing the Game, for May, had been hell. It wasn't like other kids who'd enjoyed it, who had joined voluntarily and wanted to be there, craved more because they were competitive and needed more, for her it was her salvation, her torture, her life, and without it, she would have been left for dead.
Winning the Game had saved her life, she was sure of this now, the best one of her group, of any gamer, they'd promised to let her go home if she won the Game, and she had, and the Technos had kept their promise. Coming home, she'd thought, at the time, that it would be wonderful, that she'd come back and Pride would be so glad to see her, all of that talk of not loving her would have been a big misunderstanding, he would have realized while she was gone just how much he did love her, how much he had needed her. When she'd gotten to the Mall and he had been there, she'd been overjoyed, and she even remembered that he was by her side while nursing her back from her reality space sickness. In the end, it hadn't worked out at all like she'd envisioned, and she had almost wished for a while that she hadn't won the Game. It would have been better to have died, to have been executed, to never have come home again, than to come back and find Pride with Salene, of all people.
May had gotten over it, with time, and Salene, though firm and annoying with her high moral preaching, had turned out to be a really good friend, her best. She was right when she said they were like sisters, at times, with the fighting over boys and the life they lived, it was like being sisters. The benefits of that were not lost on May, it was nice to have a confidant, and that Salene didn't hold anything against her meant a lot to May.
Now here she was, sitting on the roof of that home, Pride was gone, off in the woods with his Eco's where he really belonged, and Salene and Ryan were back together, and May and Dax shared something of a life. Dax, the big lumbering oaf, he was smarter than he gave himself credit for, he'd shown her more tender love and care in a week than Pride had the entire length of their relationship. Until today, that was, and now she didn't know what to think. Words of love shouldn't be tossed around, boys were too quick to throw it at a girl, to get a reaction, because they knew girls liked to hear it, needed to hear it, and they always thought saying it could get them out of hot water, instantly fix things. May scoff laughed, wiping at the tear rolling down her face, it hurt to be lied to, but it hurt most of all to have the word LOVE thrown in her face in a last ditch effort to "fix" his mistakes.
May pushed her hands into the pockets of her jacket to warm them, frowning at the crinkle of paper, pulling it out and smacking her forehead when she remembered, the letter! She'd forgotten all about it after shoving it in her pocket, how could she have forgotten? She was afraid to read it, was it a break up letter? What could Dax have to say in a letter that he couldn't say to her face? The thought was disheartening, and she stared at it for a long time, unwilling to unfold it and read it. Chewing on her bottom lip, she finally gave in, opening it and looked at his neat, slanty print handwriting, touching it with her fingers. Writing, that was such a lost thing these days, even kids who kept diaries and journals seemed to use computer programs, more so now that they had power in the City again. May's eyes instinctively shot up, looking out across the way to the lights lighting up as the sun began to sink lower, naturally wondering how long this power and water thing was going to last. Shaking it off, May let her eyes return to the paper, and she slowly began to read his letter.
May,
When I'm with you, I feel like a different man. I feel as if I've changed, learning new things, new ways, new perspectives, every day, because of you, and I feel so safe when you are in my arms. I wish you were here with me now, your head against my chest, I long to hold you again. I know we were together only just this morning, but every minute that passes by without you is like an eternity. Am I a fool for you? Maybe so, but I don't care, I have to tell you how I feel, I have to let you know how you've captured my heart and how I'm happier because of it. I am foolishly writing you instead of having told you this. I don't know why, and tonight I'll be annoyed with myself for being a coward, and maybe you'll laugh in my face and lock me out of our room, but I will curl up at the door and sleep there, knowing I deserve it.
I am in love with you May. I have been since the first day here in the Mall. I wish I had what I needed to tell you how I feel, from my lips to your ears. I want to hold you and whisper to you how much I love you, to make you promises I will keep, things that will make you smile and be at peace, comfortable and safe. Every moment we spend together I discover something new and intoxicating about you. You've brought light into a dark life, hope into one of despair, I have found something special where I thought I was lost forever, in my heart. I want to give you that and so much more in return, if only you will let me. Perhaps I sound corny, or cliché, when I tell you all of this, but I mean it, it is my honest truth. I don't want to lose you over this, to scare you with my words, I just want to tell you how I feel, and it's ok if you need time to find love for me in your heart. I will still be here, for as long as you let me stay.
Dax
May's face screwed up as the words hit her with an impact, it was as if he knew they would fight, that he had to write down what he felt before he went and screwed it all up. "You idiot," she spat out, a small soundless laugh escaping after it. She sniffled and wiped at the tears on her cheeks, her face screwing up, her eyes closing as the tears flowed, holding onto the letter, afraid the wind would carry it away. When she was able to, she folded the letter and put it back in her pocket, but not before reading and rereading it a few times. He was in love with her, she made him feel again, May didn't think she did anything special in particular in the way of their relationship, she was herself, and she kept his simple naive butt out of hot water, but only because she loved him too, she realized. Was she in love with Dax? Could she call this love? He talked too much, and this thought made her laugh to herself through the tears, it was like closure with Pride had finally happened, and she could feel herself opening up again, letting her vulnerability come back into play. She couldn't easily forgive and forget his accusations, but she understood them now, where he'd been coming from, and why.
May sighed, she wanted to pull the letter from her pocket once more and read it again, to draw the letters from the paper and wrap herself in them, to feel the love and warmth he'd felt when he'd poured it into the paper for her, the raw open emotion, exposing his vulnerable side to her, May closed her eyes. Everything was all messed up now, she understood more now why he'd said to her face what he had, she just wished now he hadn't gotten the chance. It was best if he didn't see her for the rest of the night, this much she was sure of, and for now she'd sit here, on the roof, hoping no one came up, and when it was sufficiently dark enough, sure that the babies were in bed and the party would be underway, she'd head back inside and find this Hen Party. Stiff drinks, stiff drinks, she repeated to herself, over and over, despite her high alcohol tolerance, it would really help relax her right now.
May had left the Mall, intent on going out into the City, but paused in the exit and went up to the roof instead, sitting on a crate and watching the City for a good long while. Hiding wasn't what she'd call it exactly, she just needed alone time, to mull over everything. She'd pulled her feet up onto the crate, pulling her knees to her chest and watching the world in her sightline, the wind whipping her hair, but none of it took her mind off of what had happened. Time passed, and she finally let go of her legs, watching as the sun set, so many thoughts, but she'd finally organized some of them. Playing the Game, for May, had been hell. It wasn't like other kids who'd enjoyed it, who had joined voluntarily and wanted to be there, craved more because they were competitive and needed more, for her it was her salvation, her torture, her life, and without it, she would have been left for dead.
Winning the Game had saved her life, she was sure of this now, the best one of her group, of any gamer, they'd promised to let her go home if she won the Game, and she had, and the Technos had kept their promise. Coming home, she'd thought, at the time, that it would be wonderful, that she'd come back and Pride would be so glad to see her, all of that talk of not loving her would have been a big misunderstanding, he would have realized while she was gone just how much he did love her, how much he had needed her. When she'd gotten to the Mall and he had been there, she'd been overjoyed, and she even remembered that he was by her side while nursing her back from her reality space sickness. In the end, it hadn't worked out at all like she'd envisioned, and she had almost wished for a while that she hadn't won the Game. It would have been better to have died, to have been executed, to never have come home again, than to come back and find Pride with Salene, of all people.
May had gotten over it, with time, and Salene, though firm and annoying with her high moral preaching, had turned out to be a really good friend, her best. She was right when she said they were like sisters, at times, with the fighting over boys and the life they lived, it was like being sisters. The benefits of that were not lost on May, it was nice to have a confidant, and that Salene didn't hold anything against her meant a lot to May.
Now here she was, sitting on the roof of that home, Pride was gone, off in the woods with his Eco's where he really belonged, and Salene and Ryan were back together, and May and Dax shared something of a life. Dax, the big lumbering oaf, he was smarter than he gave himself credit for, he'd shown her more tender love and care in a week than Pride had the entire length of their relationship. Until today, that was, and now she didn't know what to think. Words of love shouldn't be tossed around, boys were too quick to throw it at a girl, to get a reaction, because they knew girls liked to hear it, needed to hear it, and they always thought saying it could get them out of hot water, instantly fix things. May scoff laughed, wiping at the tear rolling down her face, it hurt to be lied to, but it hurt most of all to have the word LOVE thrown in her face in a last ditch effort to "fix" his mistakes.
May pushed her hands into the pockets of her jacket to warm them, frowning at the crinkle of paper, pulling it out and smacking her forehead when she remembered, the letter! She'd forgotten all about it after shoving it in her pocket, how could she have forgotten? She was afraid to read it, was it a break up letter? What could Dax have to say in a letter that he couldn't say to her face? The thought was disheartening, and she stared at it for a long time, unwilling to unfold it and read it. Chewing on her bottom lip, she finally gave in, opening it and looked at his neat, slanty print handwriting, touching it with her fingers. Writing, that was such a lost thing these days, even kids who kept diaries and journals seemed to use computer programs, more so now that they had power in the City again. May's eyes instinctively shot up, looking out across the way to the lights lighting up as the sun began to sink lower, naturally wondering how long this power and water thing was going to last. Shaking it off, May let her eyes return to the paper, and she slowly began to read his letter.
May,
When I'm with you, I feel like a different man. I feel as if I've changed, learning new things, new ways, new perspectives, every day, because of you, and I feel so safe when you are in my arms. I wish you were here with me now, your head against my chest, I long to hold you again. I know we were together only just this morning, but every minute that passes by without you is like an eternity. Am I a fool for you? Maybe so, but I don't care, I have to tell you how I feel, I have to let you know how you've captured my heart and how I'm happier because of it. I am foolishly writing you instead of having told you this. I don't know why, and tonight I'll be annoyed with myself for being a coward, and maybe you'll laugh in my face and lock me out of our room, but I will curl up at the door and sleep there, knowing I deserve it.
I am in love with you May. I have been since the first day here in the Mall. I wish I had what I needed to tell you how I feel, from my lips to your ears. I want to hold you and whisper to you how much I love you, to make you promises I will keep, things that will make you smile and be at peace, comfortable and safe. Every moment we spend together I discover something new and intoxicating about you. You've brought light into a dark life, hope into one of despair, I have found something special where I thought I was lost forever, in my heart. I want to give you that and so much more in return, if only you will let me. Perhaps I sound corny, or cliché, when I tell you all of this, but I mean it, it is my honest truth. I don't want to lose you over this, to scare you with my words, I just want to tell you how I feel, and it's ok if you need time to find love for me in your heart. I will still be here, for as long as you let me stay.
Dax
May's face screwed up as the words hit her with an impact, it was as if he knew they would fight, that he had to write down what he felt before he went and screwed it all up. "You idiot," she spat out, a small soundless laugh escaping after it. She sniffled and wiped at the tears on her cheeks, her face screwing up, her eyes closing as the tears flowed, holding onto the letter, afraid the wind would carry it away. When she was able to, she folded the letter and put it back in her pocket, but not before reading and rereading it a few times. He was in love with her, she made him feel again, May didn't think she did anything special in particular in the way of their relationship, she was herself, and she kept his simple naive butt out of hot water, but only because she loved him too, she realized. Was she in love with Dax? Could she call this love? He talked too much, and this thought made her laugh to herself through the tears, it was like closure with Pride had finally happened, and she could feel herself opening up again, letting her vulnerability come back into play. She couldn't easily forgive and forget his accusations, but she understood them now, where he'd been coming from, and why.
May sighed, she wanted to pull the letter from her pocket once more and read it again, to draw the letters from the paper and wrap herself in them, to feel the love and warmth he'd felt when he'd poured it into the paper for her, the raw open emotion, exposing his vulnerable side to her, May closed her eyes. Everything was all messed up now, she understood more now why he'd said to her face what he had, she just wished now he hadn't gotten the chance. It was best if he didn't see her for the rest of the night, this much she was sure of, and for now she'd sit here, on the roof, hoping no one came up, and when it was sufficiently dark enough, sure that the babies were in bed and the party would be underway, she'd head back inside and find this Hen Party. Stiff drinks, stiff drinks, she repeated to herself, over and over, despite her high alcohol tolerance, it would really help relax her right now.