(no subject)
you know I always thoughts I was good enough to produce a smile on someone elses face.
I guess I am not worthy of this anymore, I feel like I am worthless. I got very few things in my life right now, which none of them I want. A place to stay, which I don't want to be an I was stuck at for months, I even held jordan hostage. Now I have now here to go, even if I did I wouldn't know what to do with myself. A job, a job I could careless about I never liked my current job, I loved money and the goals I was working towards. I understand the value of a dollar, I understand working to survive. I've yet to find any goals, im completely lost in what do to in this world. More or less, I dont know if I wanna shit or get off the pot. This is the first time in my life I've never known what I 100% truely want to do. Reno has never been in discontent with so many things either.
Alot of weight was lifted off my shoulders with a 5 mins from your time and a simple e-mail. I'm over joyed to hear you are well and you are doing good for yourself. I just hope that doing good doesnt make me more non exisitant. My worries have been lifted simpily because sometimes I dont even need to be blunt, yet someone out there knows, someone understand exactly what I am saying. Thank you, for clearing that up. I'm counting the days from my selfish attempt to depart. It's sure been rough since that cold hard day. I've never got the chance to thank you for what you did to me that day. Between making contact with loved ones and myself. The contact was a touch, a touch to the heart in more ways then one. Negitive or positive, depending on the mind state. Just because it's negitive doesnt mean I hate you or anything that would be directly connected to yourself. I have nothing but love and always will. deep down inside look at all that love and understand my fear and concern that goes out. I know some of my actions might have been out of line although I needed to know. Once again alot of weight was also lifted when the silence was broken with a simple picture comment post accepence. It definately brought light to this spartically eciplised world I now live in.
I am listening to you for myself and your person. I do respect your wishes but sometimes its very very hard. espieacly when I didn't know the state of mind. I promise you that I am not living my life by a bottle because I could'nt let myself down like that. I have no desire to put myself in a hole and drown my problems in alcohol. Come out, Come out, where ever you are? You can't hide for ever and sometimes you have to face reality. So me with booze, I definately loose. If that is uplifting for yourself, I mean that with all my heart. I know better, although that day I was looking for courage when I had none. the day turned to night and a few days followed I can see light but it's off in the distance, I try so hard but sometimes I look south to the darkness. please understand..
a very wishy washy post, my text has multible feelings
I guess I am not worthy of this anymore, I feel like I am worthless. I got very few things in my life right now, which none of them I want. A place to stay, which I don't want to be an I was stuck at for months, I even held jordan hostage. Now I have now here to go, even if I did I wouldn't know what to do with myself. A job, a job I could careless about I never liked my current job, I loved money and the goals I was working towards. I understand the value of a dollar, I understand working to survive. I've yet to find any goals, im completely lost in what do to in this world. More or less, I dont know if I wanna shit or get off the pot. This is the first time in my life I've never known what I 100% truely want to do. Reno has never been in discontent with so many things either.
Alot of weight was lifted off my shoulders with a 5 mins from your time and a simple e-mail. I'm over joyed to hear you are well and you are doing good for yourself. I just hope that doing good doesnt make me more non exisitant. My worries have been lifted simpily because sometimes I dont even need to be blunt, yet someone out there knows, someone understand exactly what I am saying. Thank you, for clearing that up. I'm counting the days from my selfish attempt to depart. It's sure been rough since that cold hard day. I've never got the chance to thank you for what you did to me that day. Between making contact with loved ones and myself. The contact was a touch, a touch to the heart in more ways then one. Negitive or positive, depending on the mind state. Just because it's negitive doesnt mean I hate you or anything that would be directly connected to yourself. I have nothing but love and always will. deep down inside look at all that love and understand my fear and concern that goes out. I know some of my actions might have been out of line although I needed to know. Once again alot of weight was also lifted when the silence was broken with a simple picture comment post accepence. It definately brought light to this spartically eciplised world I now live in.
I am listening to you for myself and your person. I do respect your wishes but sometimes its very very hard. espieacly when I didn't know the state of mind. I promise you that I am not living my life by a bottle because I could'nt let myself down like that. I have no desire to put myself in a hole and drown my problems in alcohol. Come out, Come out, where ever you are? You can't hide for ever and sometimes you have to face reality. So me with booze, I definately loose. If that is uplifting for yourself, I mean that with all my heart. I know better, although that day I was looking for courage when I had none. the day turned to night and a few days followed I can see light but it's off in the distance, I try so hard but sometimes I look south to the darkness. please understand..
a very wishy washy post, my text has multible feelings