(no subject)

Oct 21, 2006 07:20

I was on the phone with my mother yesterday morning, and one of us made a comment about this having been a really long year. I was reflecting on that today, and I think I just realized how long this year has really been - not only this year, but the past fourteen months. I've gained and lost more than I could ever detail in those fourteen months. It seems like I've been stuck on an emotional roller coaster that just wouldn't slow down until now. But, in the process, I've finally started to learn more about myself and what I want in life. I still work all the time, though the job is only a means to an end, and not the end itself. I work overnight at a convenience store, and while I know I'm overly qualified, overly educated and overly talented for such lowly work, most nights I don't really mind it. Last night, unfortunately, was not one of those nights. The one co-worker who made the job bearable probably quit, and now I'm back to being stuck with lazy, incompetent and downright bitchy people. The pay is decent for the work. The work is easy for those who don't make it hard. I love the hours. I've even started to enjoy interacting with some of the customers. It's the other employees who drive me insane - at least some of them. I came within a proverbial inch of walking out and quitting completely last night. Instead, I went outside and walked around in circles until I was calm and rational enough to come up with a logical argument that would convince me not to. I do need the money, especially if I'm ever going to reach the end I desire in life - whatever end that may be. Still, I couldn't quite decide, so I flipped a coin - heads I stay, tails I quit. It came up heads and I went back inside to continue a life of menial employment.

On the other side of the coin, is my love life. After dating about half a dozen different women this year, I finally found the right one. I found her in the most unexpected place, when I wasn't even looking for romance. It really must be true that you can't find love, if love is what you seek. Love always has to find you, when you're unprepared for it, thus unguarded against it. With that being said, I'm in love now, and I have a girlfriend who loves me back. Her name is Erin, and though she's been a good friend for about a year and a half, we never considered dating each other until recently, as she had a boyfriend. Our relationship has progressed very fast, but it feels right. We both think it's because we were already such good friends before, and therefore, didn't have to spend as much time on the "getting to know each other" stage. There's still a lot we don't know about each other, but part of what I love about being with her is discovering new quirks in her personality, thoughts on her mind, nuances of her body and facets of her heart and soul each and every day. I don't know what the future holds for she and I, but she makes me happy right now. For once, I'm actually optimistic about a relationship. I just need to get past the two month mark and everything will be ok...
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