innerglow
So lets see yesterday was cool. i got to hang out with joey and her friend celia and we went to the thrift store and we went to olive garden. had what i always get there :chicken alfredo. it was fantastic. stephanie called at dinner tried to act as happy as possible. then we all went to my house for some "fun n games". well rather it was more like me burning a couple cds for them. Then i went to jayson played some music went home. SLEEP.
this morning: i checked stephanie's email she sent me. TMed her and asked if she was going to stop in FTW on the way back.
then she CALLED ME!! she called me that was awesome. so we talked for like an hour, havent done that in awhile. she seemed normal towards me. it was awesome. then she had to leave and get off the fone. and i said i miss her alot.
And she the same and i said bye cause i figure thats what she wants to hear now. and she said "hey, and i was like yeah, and she says "I love you!" WOW! that really shocked me. since i figure we werent doing that anymore. and as much as i want to say im doing great and that im just fine without her.....its a facade.
i mean im doing better than i was. some of my fakeness has seeped inside of me to become real. but overall i still need her. and i still want her and i still love her with all my heart. but im not going to let this mornings encounters really change anything in me. everytime she acts normal towards me or acts like she loves me i get my hopes up but this time im not!!!! i have got to make sure about me first!!! then i can worry about her.
lane
this morning: i checked stephanie's email she sent me. TMed her and asked if she was going to stop in FTW on the way back.
then she CALLED ME!! she called me that was awesome. so we talked for like an hour, havent done that in awhile. she seemed normal towards me. it was awesome. then she had to leave and get off the fone. and i said i miss her alot.
And she the same and i said bye cause i figure thats what she wants to hear now. and she said "hey, and i was like yeah, and she says "I love you!" WOW! that really shocked me. since i figure we werent doing that anymore. and as much as i want to say im doing great and that im just fine without her.....its a facade.
i mean im doing better than i was. some of my fakeness has seeped inside of me to become real. but overall i still need her. and i still want her and i still love her with all my heart. but im not going to let this mornings encounters really change anything in me. everytime she acts normal towards me or acts like she loves me i get my hopes up but this time im not!!!! i have got to make sure about me first!!! then i can worry about her.
lane