Life, so they say, is but a game and we let it slip away
Where do i even start. How much crap can one individual deal with? How many times can one love and lose and still not learn his lesson? Why is it so difficult to live a life in at least semi-happiness? I have found that for me to want any more than to be utterly miserable is asking too much for some reason. I can't care about someone and have true intentions for it to work out well without it blowing up in my face. In no aspect of my life can I do enough good to mention and I loathe the feelings that run through my head sometimes. The anger, hatred, sadness, despair, loneliness, and most of all the feeling of being powerless.
"Empty again
Sunken down so far
So scared to fall
I might not get up again...
All of these things
I've held up in vain
No reason nor rhyme
Just the scars that remain
Of all of these things
I'm so much afraid
Scared out of my mind
By the demons I've made..."
-Jars of Clay Much Afraid
I'm ready to give it up, I'm ready to throw in the towel and call it a fight. Life wins, I can't do it any more I'm emotionally drained and this madness has to end somewhere. I can't go on living every day knowing that lurking around the corner is another one of lifes situations waiting to deal me a devastating blow; enough of one to make me wish I was dead but not enough to actually kill me.