英語で
So I just tried tracing back my Livejournal posts to the very first one I ever wrote, and now I'm left feeling... I don't even know.
It's interesting to watch my posts transition from being childish, to very childish, to slowing, to ceasing, and now finally reviving again.
It's not that I haven't been blogging - I have a personal Blogger account that I update with more personal things - but I guess I lost interest in posting trivial things for a silent audience. It's hard to record your thoughts in a public journal, because there needs to be a perpetual filter for what you write. People inevitably judge you, and what you choose to reveal about yourself through your writing will lead them to see you as a certain type of person.
Sorry if I'm being vague and cryptic here.
Anyway, another thing I realized after skimming over my old posts is that I miss all my old LJ friends.
Ikku, Mariko, Shii, Meiko, Luca, Pinku, even people whose names I can't even remember anymore, and I feel terrible for it.
People probably don't read this journal anymore, and I don't blame them for it - there's nothing to read if there aren't any updates. That sounds obvious, but it's the truth.
If I had the chance to reconnect with the people I used to talk to all the time, if I had the chance to tell them all the things that have happened in the past two years of my absence...
It'd be really hard, right? Aha.
It'd be like starting from square one: two people who've met in a previous life, meeting again for the first time. They're both completely different people, and the memories and experiences that they shared in their previous lives don't really help further their new friendship.
So if I were to start talking to any of the people who used to care about this journal
who used to comment and laugh along and encourage me
It'd be like meeting for the first time.
And then how long would that last? It'd be impossible for anyone to say, I guess.
But despite the initial awkwardness that we'd encounter,
despite the realization that we've both changed completely,
I'd still take a chance and start anew with any one of you.
... I'm just rambling here. LOL.
It's interesting to watch my posts transition from being childish, to very childish, to slowing, to ceasing, and now finally reviving again.
It's not that I haven't been blogging - I have a personal Blogger account that I update with more personal things - but I guess I lost interest in posting trivial things for a silent audience. It's hard to record your thoughts in a public journal, because there needs to be a perpetual filter for what you write. People inevitably judge you, and what you choose to reveal about yourself through your writing will lead them to see you as a certain type of person.
Sorry if I'm being vague and cryptic here.
Anyway, another thing I realized after skimming over my old posts is that I miss all my old LJ friends.
Ikku, Mariko, Shii, Meiko, Luca, Pinku, even people whose names I can't even remember anymore, and I feel terrible for it.
People probably don't read this journal anymore, and I don't blame them for it - there's nothing to read if there aren't any updates. That sounds obvious, but it's the truth.
If I had the chance to reconnect with the people I used to talk to all the time, if I had the chance to tell them all the things that have happened in the past two years of my absence...
It'd be really hard, right? Aha.
It'd be like starting from square one: two people who've met in a previous life, meeting again for the first time. They're both completely different people, and the memories and experiences that they shared in their previous lives don't really help further their new friendship.
So if I were to start talking to any of the people who used to care about this journal
who used to comment and laugh along and encourage me
It'd be like meeting for the first time.
And then how long would that last? It'd be impossible for anyone to say, I guess.
But despite the initial awkwardness that we'd encounter,
despite the realization that we've both changed completely,
I'd still take a chance and start anew with any one of you.
... I'm just rambling here. LOL.