(no subject)
so i set out to write some shit that's going on in my life, but now i feel more compeled to write about other issues...
Like how I was a driving force to unite the house outside of a television show or two we'd watch together. Now the house sits and plays card games and drinks, and while i think it's great that social interaction is taking place again... i find myself distant from it. I don't really want to just sit. All in all it's just a more encompacing form of interactive entertainment and no one's talking, no ones saying those conversations I thought would come back when the tv went off. And more then the conversations - i want to work on a budding realtionship, i want to continue to support musical ambition, i want to continue to create for myself. There's so much that should be done, and i have the manic energy to do it, so fuck... i'm gunna do it. Unfortunatly I seem to be alienating with exception to those who are alined with similar ambitions. I suppose my one hope is that more then those few will continue to want my company and seek it out. I know it's an unfair expectation, but I've heard the talk and seen the spark. I know it could be there; I guess I see my new role as trying to get that really happening. I don't see how I'm going to continue that driving force without just doing what I want and hoping others will want it for themselves and then we can work together again... and in that time of creation be bonding in our friendships again... this has brought me full circle to my orginal subject topic though.
Will that happen now? Or will my realtionship somehow, unfairly, hender that. Is Dash really angry that i'm not around because of Kirstin (and visa virsa) OR is it more like his words may lead one to believe: that he's mad AT Kirstin and I? Perhaps I should ignore it like I'm told by people, but I've never really wanted to play that kind of pacifict when it's something I care about... and I do care about friendship... But it's hard to not just walk away when I'm greated by everyone but him... hell thats what I do to people I'M mad at. I'm probably reading into it too much. At the very least, I expect to be told I am. In the end, should I really care and worry about it or should I continue making myself happy by concentrating on things that inspire and modivate me. Oh well, whatever, i'll let apathy manifest itself in this case... maybe it'll work itself out... if not:
"oh, well, good enough"
Like how I was a driving force to unite the house outside of a television show or two we'd watch together. Now the house sits and plays card games and drinks, and while i think it's great that social interaction is taking place again... i find myself distant from it. I don't really want to just sit. All in all it's just a more encompacing form of interactive entertainment and no one's talking, no ones saying those conversations I thought would come back when the tv went off. And more then the conversations - i want to work on a budding realtionship, i want to continue to support musical ambition, i want to continue to create for myself. There's so much that should be done, and i have the manic energy to do it, so fuck... i'm gunna do it. Unfortunatly I seem to be alienating with exception to those who are alined with similar ambitions. I suppose my one hope is that more then those few will continue to want my company and seek it out. I know it's an unfair expectation, but I've heard the talk and seen the spark. I know it could be there; I guess I see my new role as trying to get that really happening. I don't see how I'm going to continue that driving force without just doing what I want and hoping others will want it for themselves and then we can work together again... and in that time of creation be bonding in our friendships again... this has brought me full circle to my orginal subject topic though.
Will that happen now? Or will my realtionship somehow, unfairly, hender that. Is Dash really angry that i'm not around because of Kirstin (and visa virsa) OR is it more like his words may lead one to believe: that he's mad AT Kirstin and I? Perhaps I should ignore it like I'm told by people, but I've never really wanted to play that kind of pacifict when it's something I care about... and I do care about friendship... But it's hard to not just walk away when I'm greated by everyone but him... hell thats what I do to people I'M mad at. I'm probably reading into it too much. At the very least, I expect to be told I am. In the end, should I really care and worry about it or should I continue making myself happy by concentrating on things that inspire and modivate me. Oh well, whatever, i'll let apathy manifest itself in this case... maybe it'll work itself out... if not:
"oh, well, good enough"