sweat
swimming and swimming and swimming.
i went swimming this morning. it was really nice. all i had to do was get in the water (already happy there) and just start. it's funny because i always thought of swimming as relaxing and calm, but it's quite the opposite. it takes the energy out of you. it makes every muscle in your body hurt, arms, legs, back, sides. i only did 20 laps.
why do things that make us happy hurt us sometimes? why can't those things be calm and peacefull like they look in the magazines and movies?
the more i think about this the more i realize how true it is. from thought to life to love. it's like it all hurts us. when i sit in a sauna because it relaxes me, what i mean is that i get so hot that i can barely breathe. how much sense does that make? i don't know. but i think it says something about God and the world he put us in.
to me, this is God's way of making the things we love the most our own. there is so much going on around us that screams and begs our attention. computers, friends, family, clothes, money, education, beauty, etc. it's our job to really think about what is important, but even then we are still bombarded by everything else. how are we supposed to stay focused. i mean, i'll be the first to admit that everything i listed up there is important, but which ones really matter?
i think we have to pray. not like sunday morning when the pastor prays for everyone and we all go to sleep. like really saying, "hey, i'm confused and everything is out of whack and i'm not happy, help please." we have natural affection toward some inherent goods, like family and friends, but there are many more things in the world that are important. praying and thinking and discerning takes time and energy and time and more energy. it's exhausting. so really, the simple act of deciding what is important is so important in and of itself that we have to go through hell sometimes to get a handle on it.
so when we figure as much out as we can, now what? we have a few things that make us happy. how do we stay focused? it takes work. hard hard work. like sacrificing and hurting and laughing and smiling and crying and being made vulnerable and being torn to shreds and being held and being made whole again. it keeps these things out front where we can see them. it invests ourselves in these things. it makes these things almost essential to our existence.
i think God is that way. God is so important but sometimes he's so hard to get. so hard that many times i can't even feel him. i can't even see him. but i have to keep on looking, keep on being beaten for it and hurting for it and laughing with it and crying with it.
because that's where God meets me. when i try my hardest and i've had the hell beat out of me but i'm still going. God looks at me and picks me up and shows me something marvelous and i keep on going. getting closer and closer and falling and gettingup and getting closer and closer.
why? because when i am completely enveloped with the thing that matters most, regardless of how beaten or downtrodden i am, i am happy. the mere act of seeking God makes me happy. and it is because of God that everything else matters and why everything else matters enough to go through hell to be with and be at peace with.
so i guess i'll keep on swimming and swimming and swimming. maybe someone watching will see the peacefulness of the chase.
i went swimming this morning. it was really nice. all i had to do was get in the water (already happy there) and just start. it's funny because i always thought of swimming as relaxing and calm, but it's quite the opposite. it takes the energy out of you. it makes every muscle in your body hurt, arms, legs, back, sides. i only did 20 laps.
why do things that make us happy hurt us sometimes? why can't those things be calm and peacefull like they look in the magazines and movies?
the more i think about this the more i realize how true it is. from thought to life to love. it's like it all hurts us. when i sit in a sauna because it relaxes me, what i mean is that i get so hot that i can barely breathe. how much sense does that make? i don't know. but i think it says something about God and the world he put us in.
to me, this is God's way of making the things we love the most our own. there is so much going on around us that screams and begs our attention. computers, friends, family, clothes, money, education, beauty, etc. it's our job to really think about what is important, but even then we are still bombarded by everything else. how are we supposed to stay focused. i mean, i'll be the first to admit that everything i listed up there is important, but which ones really matter?
i think we have to pray. not like sunday morning when the pastor prays for everyone and we all go to sleep. like really saying, "hey, i'm confused and everything is out of whack and i'm not happy, help please." we have natural affection toward some inherent goods, like family and friends, but there are many more things in the world that are important. praying and thinking and discerning takes time and energy and time and more energy. it's exhausting. so really, the simple act of deciding what is important is so important in and of itself that we have to go through hell sometimes to get a handle on it.
so when we figure as much out as we can, now what? we have a few things that make us happy. how do we stay focused? it takes work. hard hard work. like sacrificing and hurting and laughing and smiling and crying and being made vulnerable and being torn to shreds and being held and being made whole again. it keeps these things out front where we can see them. it invests ourselves in these things. it makes these things almost essential to our existence.
i think God is that way. God is so important but sometimes he's so hard to get. so hard that many times i can't even feel him. i can't even see him. but i have to keep on looking, keep on being beaten for it and hurting for it and laughing with it and crying with it.
because that's where God meets me. when i try my hardest and i've had the hell beat out of me but i'm still going. God looks at me and picks me up and shows me something marvelous and i keep on going. getting closer and closer and falling and gettingup and getting closer and closer.
why? because when i am completely enveloped with the thing that matters most, regardless of how beaten or downtrodden i am, i am happy. the mere act of seeking God makes me happy. and it is because of God that everything else matters and why everything else matters enough to go through hell to be with and be at peace with.
so i guess i'll keep on swimming and swimming and swimming. maybe someone watching will see the peacefulness of the chase.