Untitled Ficlets (B): HP, Naruto, FMP!
Beware smut and crack. I need a new hobby. XD
Fandom: Naruto/Full Metal Panic
Prompt: Naruto & Kaname; 'on the beach'
For: lfp6
A/N: Short and random. I couldn't help taking a crack at the dub.
Rating: PG
"This isn't fair!" Naruto shouted. "You're way taller than me!"
"So? You're a ninja! Are you saying you can't beat just a plain ol' girl at beach volleyball?"
Naruto scowled, straightening up as he gathered the ball from the small hole it had rolled into. "I'll definitely win!" he shouted, straightening his forehead protector. "Believe it!"
Kaname simply rolled her eyes and got into her ready position as he served the ball.
Fandom: Harry Potter
Prompt: Harry/Luna; 'some kind of Luna Lovegood-style seduction'
For: photosinensis
A/N: Weird and random.
Rating: PG-13
"Luna, what are you doing?"
Luna ignored him for a while, still dancing around (seemingly aimlessly) and humming to herself. After a while, she spoke. "It's an African mating ritual, Harry," she explained, as if it were the msot obvious thing in the world.
Harry simply raised his eyebrows and leaned back in his recliner, watching her dance with mild interest. "Luna, don't you think--" He cut off, silenced by a glance.
When she climbed in his lap and started giving him a lap dance, however, he was certainly raising no objections.
Fandom: Harry Potter
Prompt: Hermione/Harry/Luna; 'in hiding and bored'
For: nymphe_
A/N: Suggestive. Implied threesome.
Rating: PG-13
"Knight to H4," Harry commanded in a bored voice. Hermione countered with an unexpected move. "Checkmate," she said. Harry would've been surprised, but he just couldn't work up the enthusiasm.
Meanwhile, Luna stood at the mouth of the cave, looking out. "He'll be back when he gets back, Luna," Harry said offhandedly. Luna shrugged.
"I'm bored," Hermione muttered. Harry looked at her, somewhat surprised. He hadn't ever heard Hermione utter those words, especially when there were books around to be read. "Me too," he answered.
Luna, having heard their brief exchange, came over and sat between them. "I know a game we can play," Luna said, smiling mischievously. Harry and Hermione exchanged glances. "Okay, Harry," she commanded softly, "You lay down...no, not like that..."
Several hours later, Harry lay there, both Hermione and Luna resting against his bare chest, wondering where on Earth Luna had learned that game.
Fandom: Harry Potter
Prompt: Fred/Hermione/George
For: greenhera
A/N: Suggestive. Implied threesome.
Rating: PG-13
"Stop it," Hermione rasped, tugging George's hand out from under her skirt. "We promised Fred that we wouldn't do anything without him."
Even as she said this, she could feel her knees beginning to give out on her. She sat down at the nearest available place--a windowsill. George pouted at her as he sat down next to her, resting his hand on her knee. Hermione scowled in defiance.
"Okay, but if he finds out, it's on your head."
Fandom: Harry Potter
Prompt: Snupin
For: jenz27
A/N: I suck at slash, especially where Snape is involved, so it's pure crack. Sexually suggestive.
Rating: PG-13
"I think you need to re-evaluate the situation," Severus snarled. "I am the one with the upper hand here."
Remus scoffed. "I could find someone else to make my Wolfsbane."
"In three days?"
Remus paused. Severus had him there. "Dammit, I'm tired of being on the bottom..." he muttered.
Fandom: Harry Potter
Prompt: Seamus/Ginny; 'something to do with dancing'
For: victoriana
A/N: It's not smut or crack. I'm so proud.
Rating: PG
"Ouch!" Ginny exclaimed. "That's my foot! Watch where you're shoving those things!"
"Hey, you were the one that asked me to help you practice dancing. I don't have to take this, I can leave anytime."
Ginny sighed loudly. "Fine, just try not to break my toes before the wedding, okay?"
Seamus rolled his eyes and tightened his grip around her waist, pressing his hand into the small of her back. Ginny, however, was not prepared for the sudden increase in pressure, and lost her balance, tumbling into his chest.
She didn't look up for a long while. She was mortified. Seamus, in the meantime, was trying to keep the corners of his mouth from turning upwards into a smirk. Ginny coughed and straightened herself as if nothing had happened.
"And here I thought Quidditch players were supposed to be graceful," Seamus said, earning him a smack over the head.
Fandom: Naruto
Prompt: Lee & Sasuke; 'kitty'
For: a_white_rain
A/N: Pure crack. Somewhat of an inside joke.
Rating: PG
Lee burst out of the dressing room, wearing a tight green leotard and stockings. He had a pair of kitten ears on his head, a fake tail attached to his waist, and a pair of slippers on that made his feet look like paws.
"Lee!" Gai shouted. "You are the cutest kitten in the existence of kittens!"
"Gai-sensei! Do you really think so?" he asked, turning around to inspect his tail.
"Of course, my adorable student!"
You have got to be kidding me, Sasuke thought.
"I am a cuter kitten than even you, Sasuke-kun!" Lee shouted triumphantly, pumping his fist into the air. Sasuke's lip twitched involuntarily. What's wrong with me? he thought, trying to fight the urge that he felt washing over him.
He sat in silence for a moment, brooding. After a while, he sighed annoyedly and went into the dressing room. He came out, wearing his infamous Sasukitty outfit. Gai and Lee's jaws dropped.
No one ever questioned who the cutest kitten was, ever again.
Fandom: Harry Potter
Prompt: Pimp!Ron; 'nightclub' (Ron/Luna)
For: shantari
A/N: I meant for it to be cracky, but it turned out pretty serious. Hmn.
Rating: PG
Ron leaned back in his chair, propping his feet up in the table in front of him. Normally the manager got angry when people did that, but hey, he was Ron. No one was going to say anything.
"Tell us again how you stopped that Quaffle!" one of the girls on his arm squealed. He looked at her. It was Romilda Vane. He almost laughed at the irony.
He'd just begun to launch into his story when a familiar face approached. "Can I get you some more drinks?"
Ron nearly spit out the liquid in his mouth. Instead, he swallowed it, which had become rather difficult for some reason.
"Luna--what are you doing here?!"
"I work here," she responded coolly. "Ever since The Quibbler went under."
Luna's face was expressionless, but Ron could tell that she was really disappointed about it. Anyone who knew Luna could tell that. "Er...listen girls. Why don't you beat it for a bit?" Some of the girls hanging around looked offended, but they left nonetheless.
"You don't have to work here," Ron said, offering the seat next to him. She took it, holding her tray against her stomach. "I'm sure I could get you a job commentating for the Quidditch League," he said, the corners of his mouth twitching.
"No thank you," she responded, and moved to stand up. Ron grabbed her hand. Luna looked surprised, but she didn't object.
"Just...just let me help you, just this once, okay? I want to feel like I actually do something for my friends every now and then."
Luna paused for a moment, then smiled. "Of course, Ronald," she responded, kissing him on the cheek.
Fandom: Naruto/Full Metal Panic
Prompt: Naruto & Kaname; 'on the beach'
For: lfp6
A/N: Short and random. I couldn't help taking a crack at the dub.
Rating: PG
"This isn't fair!" Naruto shouted. "You're way taller than me!"
"So? You're a ninja! Are you saying you can't beat just a plain ol' girl at beach volleyball?"
Naruto scowled, straightening up as he gathered the ball from the small hole it had rolled into. "I'll definitely win!" he shouted, straightening his forehead protector. "Believe it!"
Kaname simply rolled her eyes and got into her ready position as he served the ball.
Fandom: Harry Potter
Prompt: Harry/Luna; 'some kind of Luna Lovegood-style seduction'
For: photosinensis
A/N: Weird and random.
Rating: PG-13
"Luna, what are you doing?"
Luna ignored him for a while, still dancing around (seemingly aimlessly) and humming to herself. After a while, she spoke. "It's an African mating ritual, Harry," she explained, as if it were the msot obvious thing in the world.
Harry simply raised his eyebrows and leaned back in his recliner, watching her dance with mild interest. "Luna, don't you think--" He cut off, silenced by a glance.
When she climbed in his lap and started giving him a lap dance, however, he was certainly raising no objections.
Fandom: Harry Potter
Prompt: Hermione/Harry/Luna; 'in hiding and bored'
For: nymphe_
A/N: Suggestive. Implied threesome.
Rating: PG-13
"Knight to H4," Harry commanded in a bored voice. Hermione countered with an unexpected move. "Checkmate," she said. Harry would've been surprised, but he just couldn't work up the enthusiasm.
Meanwhile, Luna stood at the mouth of the cave, looking out. "He'll be back when he gets back, Luna," Harry said offhandedly. Luna shrugged.
"I'm bored," Hermione muttered. Harry looked at her, somewhat surprised. He hadn't ever heard Hermione utter those words, especially when there were books around to be read. "Me too," he answered.
Luna, having heard their brief exchange, came over and sat between them. "I know a game we can play," Luna said, smiling mischievously. Harry and Hermione exchanged glances. "Okay, Harry," she commanded softly, "You lay down...no, not like that..."
Several hours later, Harry lay there, both Hermione and Luna resting against his bare chest, wondering where on Earth Luna had learned that game.
Fandom: Harry Potter
Prompt: Fred/Hermione/George
For: greenhera
A/N: Suggestive. Implied threesome.
Rating: PG-13
"Stop it," Hermione rasped, tugging George's hand out from under her skirt. "We promised Fred that we wouldn't do anything without him."
Even as she said this, she could feel her knees beginning to give out on her. She sat down at the nearest available place--a windowsill. George pouted at her as he sat down next to her, resting his hand on her knee. Hermione scowled in defiance.
"Okay, but if he finds out, it's on your head."
Fandom: Harry Potter
Prompt: Snupin
For: jenz27
A/N: I suck at slash, especially where Snape is involved, so it's pure crack. Sexually suggestive.
Rating: PG-13
"I think you need to re-evaluate the situation," Severus snarled. "I am the one with the upper hand here."
Remus scoffed. "I could find someone else to make my Wolfsbane."
"In three days?"
Remus paused. Severus had him there. "Dammit, I'm tired of being on the bottom..." he muttered.
Fandom: Harry Potter
Prompt: Seamus/Ginny; 'something to do with dancing'
For: victoriana
A/N: It's not smut or crack. I'm so proud.
Rating: PG
"Ouch!" Ginny exclaimed. "That's my foot! Watch where you're shoving those things!"
"Hey, you were the one that asked me to help you practice dancing. I don't have to take this, I can leave anytime."
Ginny sighed loudly. "Fine, just try not to break my toes before the wedding, okay?"
Seamus rolled his eyes and tightened his grip around her waist, pressing his hand into the small of her back. Ginny, however, was not prepared for the sudden increase in pressure, and lost her balance, tumbling into his chest.
She didn't look up for a long while. She was mortified. Seamus, in the meantime, was trying to keep the corners of his mouth from turning upwards into a smirk. Ginny coughed and straightened herself as if nothing had happened.
"And here I thought Quidditch players were supposed to be graceful," Seamus said, earning him a smack over the head.
Fandom: Naruto
Prompt: Lee & Sasuke; 'kitty'
For: a_white_rain
A/N: Pure crack. Somewhat of an inside joke.
Rating: PG
Lee burst out of the dressing room, wearing a tight green leotard and stockings. He had a pair of kitten ears on his head, a fake tail attached to his waist, and a pair of slippers on that made his feet look like paws.
"Lee!" Gai shouted. "You are the cutest kitten in the existence of kittens!"
"Gai-sensei! Do you really think so?" he asked, turning around to inspect his tail.
"Of course, my adorable student!"
You have got to be kidding me, Sasuke thought.
"I am a cuter kitten than even you, Sasuke-kun!" Lee shouted triumphantly, pumping his fist into the air. Sasuke's lip twitched involuntarily. What's wrong with me? he thought, trying to fight the urge that he felt washing over him.
He sat in silence for a moment, brooding. After a while, he sighed annoyedly and went into the dressing room. He came out, wearing his infamous Sasukitty outfit. Gai and Lee's jaws dropped.
No one ever questioned who the cutest kitten was, ever again.
Fandom: Harry Potter
Prompt: Pimp!Ron; 'nightclub' (Ron/Luna)
For: shantari
A/N: I meant for it to be cracky, but it turned out pretty serious. Hmn.
Rating: PG
Ron leaned back in his chair, propping his feet up in the table in front of him. Normally the manager got angry when people did that, but hey, he was Ron. No one was going to say anything.
"Tell us again how you stopped that Quaffle!" one of the girls on his arm squealed. He looked at her. It was Romilda Vane. He almost laughed at the irony.
He'd just begun to launch into his story when a familiar face approached. "Can I get you some more drinks?"
Ron nearly spit out the liquid in his mouth. Instead, he swallowed it, which had become rather difficult for some reason.
"Luna--what are you doing here?!"
"I work here," she responded coolly. "Ever since The Quibbler went under."
Luna's face was expressionless, but Ron could tell that she was really disappointed about it. Anyone who knew Luna could tell that. "Er...listen girls. Why don't you beat it for a bit?" Some of the girls hanging around looked offended, but they left nonetheless.
"You don't have to work here," Ron said, offering the seat next to him. She took it, holding her tray against her stomach. "I'm sure I could get you a job commentating for the Quidditch League," he said, the corners of his mouth twitching.
"No thank you," she responded, and moved to stand up. Ron grabbed her hand. Luna looked surprised, but she didn't object.
"Just...just let me help you, just this once, okay? I want to feel like I actually do something for my friends every now and then."
Luna paused for a moment, then smiled. "Of course, Ronald," she responded, kissing him on the cheek.