All the Feels
Today, a list of the crazy emotions in my head, by what induced them (BEWARE SPOILERS.):
Avatar: The Last Airbender
I'm catching up on this to be a proper nerd, and I'm two episodes from the end of Season 2. So I'm...
- joyous that Appa's back
- worried as hell that Suki's dead
- guilty because accidental spoilers on tvtropes have already informed me that Suki's alive
- worried anyway, just because
- a little bit scared of Azula
- irritated at the Will They Or Won't They of Aang and Katara. We know they Will, so the tension-building just...isn't.
- also irritated because Katara's sort of a Mary Sue.
- a little bit worried for Toph, but not really because come on, she's Toph. I'd say I want to grow up to be her, but I'm too old already. :(
- worried that Zuko's going to make a bad, Fire Nation-helping decision. Worried because of course it may lead to the end of the world, and also because I know he's a good person deep down and he'll feel horribly guilty and blah blah blah.
- Is Jet dead or not?! I hope he's not...he's too cool to die...please...but the bad guys destroyed the place and I just don't know! 8(
Doctor Who, Supernatural, How I Met Your Mother, Castle, and Captain Vorpatril's Alliance (by Lois McMaster Bujold) and Cold Days (by Jim Butcher)
WHY IS EVERYTHING I WANT TO WATCH OR READ NOT COMING OUT/RETURNING UNTIL THE FALL? *has hysterical fit of impatience*
Supernatural
Season 7 ended. I caught up on this over the winter, so this is the first time I've had to wait for more than a month for an episode. And the FINALE was so...so...Aaurrgghhh with the angst and the Destiel and the sweet hamburger-giving and the Magnificent Bastard Crowley and the crashing Impala with awesome music and the pajamas/trench coat combo and the exploding Leviathan and the stuck in Purgatory and Sammy alone and the image of Cas, naked, on the Impala, covered in bees and honey that will not ever leave my head I think (okay, so that one I don't mind so much.) I'd totally gotten over it all, too, until I read blackbirdrose's newest cartoon - Castoon - on DeviantArt and ALL THE WAFFY CASTIEL COMFORTING A PIG and I can probably list every instance of Destiel (or even just moments in which Cas is adorable, which is really all the moments in which Cas appears) in that finale but I won't though I suppose anyone reading this has already realized that I'm completely insane. That fact, and the overwhelmingness of it all, was emphasized by my repeated use of "and" to make that huge rambling sentence. This is what English 3 Honors does to your brain. First you ramble hysterically, then you analyze your own syntax. WHY.
Which brings us to our next emotion-inducer, School
- mostly just a bit of worry about Finals. I was much more freaked about AP Testing, actually.
- far more nervousness about upcoming Piano Recital. I've been working on the same piece since January because school in fact has not given me as much time to practice as I would have liked and my piece is all memorized, but it still needs to be better and I didn't practice last night or tonight because I went to my school choirs' Variety Show, which brings me to my last and final (Redundancy Department of Redundancy, at you service) cause of ALL THE FEELS...
Graduation
No, not me. Just like HALF OF ALL OF MY FRIENDS are LEAVING and what am I going to DO and with whom will I plot world domination and then turn on each other and play rack-etball (loooooong story, and for the record it's not actually me) and steal candy and hit with newspapers and induce paranoia and have long conversations about how we spy and operate on each other at night and look, I'm using the "indicate overwhelmingness through excessive use of 'and'" technique again. So that's me being sad and nostalgic and anxious and missing people in advance. D:
Just to really dig it in, they're all going to school in CA and this should make me happy - and it does, because visiting will be way easier - but it also alarms me a bit because I really, really, really want to leave California (oh no, creepy internet stalkers will be able to deduce my location!) when I go to college. I want to go have adventures in a strange land, even if that land is just Boston. But the common occurrence is that you apply, and maybe even get into, bunches of Ivy Leagues and whatnots, then the UC system offers scholarships and even free rides so you just stay right here. On one hand, I seriously do want to leave, and if I can get a scholarship, I'm certain my family can handle the college costs of the East Coast, but a free ride is pretty damn tempting. Will I stick to my ideals? Or will I be swayed by free education? Why am I even worrying about this, because I haven't even applied, much less been accepted. Am I too cocky? What if I don't get in anywhere I want? What if I don't get in anywhere at all? What if I never get published because instead of writing brilliant original things - instead of even writing pretty decent (if I say so myself) fanfiction, I spend my time ranting about my sources of anxiety on LiveJournal and watching A:TOS? I'll be a failure at life and I won't be able to pay my medical bills (let's not even get started on those anxieties, which relate generally to either independence or death. Hey, New Hampshire!)
I'm starting to get off track now, so I think I should stop. Look, you can tell how much I'm freaking out about various things by how organized the sections are! It all got steadily worse! . . . Great.
I think I'm going to take a hot shower and go to sleep now. I think that will be for the best. Calm is good. The posting of fanfiction splurts will resume, not that it's been exactly regular. I think I've posted two, thought I've written more. I'll try to be more productive this summer, I swear! (Oh look, more anxiety. Guys, being a teenager sucks. I'm going to go take advantage of my first-world, relatively upper class living conditions and make hot water pound on my back.)
Avatar: The Last Airbender
I'm catching up on this to be a proper nerd, and I'm two episodes from the end of Season 2. So I'm...
- joyous that Appa's back
- worried as hell that Suki's dead
- guilty because accidental spoilers on tvtropes have already informed me that Suki's alive
- worried anyway, just because
- a little bit scared of Azula
- irritated at the Will They Or Won't They of Aang and Katara. We know they Will, so the tension-building just...isn't.
- also irritated because Katara's sort of a Mary Sue.
- a little bit worried for Toph, but not really because come on, she's Toph. I'd say I want to grow up to be her, but I'm too old already. :(
- worried that Zuko's going to make a bad, Fire Nation-helping decision. Worried because of course it may lead to the end of the world, and also because I know he's a good person deep down and he'll feel horribly guilty and blah blah blah.
- Is Jet dead or not?! I hope he's not...he's too cool to die...please...but the bad guys destroyed the place and I just don't know! 8(
Doctor Who, Supernatural, How I Met Your Mother, Castle, and Captain Vorpatril's Alliance (by Lois McMaster Bujold) and Cold Days (by Jim Butcher)
WHY IS EVERYTHING I WANT TO WATCH OR READ NOT COMING OUT/RETURNING UNTIL THE FALL? *has hysterical fit of impatience*
Supernatural
Season 7 ended. I caught up on this over the winter, so this is the first time I've had to wait for more than a month for an episode. And the FINALE was so...so...Aaurrgghhh with the angst and the Destiel and the sweet hamburger-giving and the Magnificent Bastard Crowley and the crashing Impala with awesome music and the pajamas/trench coat combo and the exploding Leviathan and the stuck in Purgatory and Sammy alone and the image of Cas, naked, on the Impala, covered in bees and honey that will not ever leave my head I think (okay, so that one I don't mind so much.) I'd totally gotten over it all, too, until I read blackbirdrose's newest cartoon - Castoon - on DeviantArt and ALL THE WAFFY CASTIEL COMFORTING A PIG and I can probably list every instance of Destiel (or even just moments in which Cas is adorable, which is really all the moments in which Cas appears) in that finale but I won't though I suppose anyone reading this has already realized that I'm completely insane. That fact, and the overwhelmingness of it all, was emphasized by my repeated use of "and" to make that huge rambling sentence. This is what English 3 Honors does to your brain. First you ramble hysterically, then you analyze your own syntax. WHY.
Which brings us to our next emotion-inducer, School
- mostly just a bit of worry about Finals. I was much more freaked about AP Testing, actually.
- far more nervousness about upcoming Piano Recital. I've been working on the same piece since January because school in fact has not given me as much time to practice as I would have liked and my piece is all memorized, but it still needs to be better and I didn't practice last night or tonight because I went to my school choirs' Variety Show, which brings me to my last and final (Redundancy Department of Redundancy, at you service) cause of ALL THE FEELS...
Graduation
No, not me. Just like HALF OF ALL OF MY FRIENDS are LEAVING and what am I going to DO and with whom will I plot world domination and then turn on each other and play rack-etball (loooooong story, and for the record it's not actually me) and steal candy and hit with newspapers and induce paranoia and have long conversations about how we spy and operate on each other at night and look, I'm using the "indicate overwhelmingness through excessive use of 'and'" technique again. So that's me being sad and nostalgic and anxious and missing people in advance. D:
Just to really dig it in, they're all going to school in CA and this should make me happy - and it does, because visiting will be way easier - but it also alarms me a bit because I really, really, really want to leave California (oh no, creepy internet stalkers will be able to deduce my location!) when I go to college. I want to go have adventures in a strange land, even if that land is just Boston. But the common occurrence is that you apply, and maybe even get into, bunches of Ivy Leagues and whatnots, then the UC system offers scholarships and even free rides so you just stay right here. On one hand, I seriously do want to leave, and if I can get a scholarship, I'm certain my family can handle the college costs of the East Coast, but a free ride is pretty damn tempting. Will I stick to my ideals? Or will I be swayed by free education? Why am I even worrying about this, because I haven't even applied, much less been accepted. Am I too cocky? What if I don't get in anywhere I want? What if I don't get in anywhere at all? What if I never get published because instead of writing brilliant original things - instead of even writing pretty decent (if I say so myself) fanfiction, I spend my time ranting about my sources of anxiety on LiveJournal and watching A:TOS? I'll be a failure at life and I won't be able to pay my medical bills (let's not even get started on those anxieties, which relate generally to either independence or death. Hey, New Hampshire!)
I'm starting to get off track now, so I think I should stop. Look, you can tell how much I'm freaking out about various things by how organized the sections are! It all got steadily worse! . . . Great.
I think I'm going to take a hot shower and go to sleep now. I think that will be for the best. Calm is good. The posting of fanfiction splurts will resume, not that it's been exactly regular. I think I've posted two, thought I've written more. I'll try to be more productive this summer, I swear! (Oh look, more anxiety. Guys, being a teenager sucks. I'm going to go take advantage of my first-world, relatively upper class living conditions and make hot water pound on my back.)