#25 getting my life back - step one
So, after about 30585757 years of whining and complaining, I finally took the first step towards the captioned matter (and hopefully towards never having to use crap language like the aforementioned EVER again!!!) hahahaha
Today, I took step one in changing my life. I informed my boss that I would like to leave YAY!! Of course as expected, I got the spiel about how it's really a waste cos I've a flair for this and I'm transitioning and how, ceteris paribas, I would be promoted to senior associate next year and have my name put up for partnership the following year. I won't deny it but the professional pride side of my heart did a leap and happy dance because, hey, I have worked my ass off these past 3.5 years and I do like having my efforts recognised.
BUT, the rational part of my brain also managed to remind me that I love myself and my family and P too much to continue punishing myself and torturing them with my erratic hours and even more erratic mood swings and general grumpiness.
I was then asked to consider again over the long weekend and go back to her next week with my final decision. Out of the utmost respect I have for her, I will do so but as I've prayed and thought long and hard ad infinitum, I doubt I will change my mind.
I feel so excited about my next adventure in life whatever it may be. I have not yet found a job but I'm not worried because it's all in God's hands. 2 months ago, I asked if I could leave as I was really feeling discouraged and God said not yet. I was really truly very upset and I asked God "why? why do I keep having to suffer and be miserable???" I think he wanted me to not be rash and to go through my reasons properly and thoroughly and make a well-considered decision. Dad also said God probably wanted me to wait for the performance review where I could hear affirmation that I am good enough to make partnership and that if I don't want it, it's purely my choice.
So, I am so happy and you know what they (who the heck is "they" anyway??) say about having a burden lifted off your shoulders? Well, it's real. And you can actually feel it physically. Try it someday. It rocks.
:)
Today, I took step one in changing my life. I informed my boss that I would like to leave YAY!! Of course as expected, I got the spiel about how it's really a waste cos I've a flair for this and I'm transitioning and how, ceteris paribas, I would be promoted to senior associate next year and have my name put up for partnership the following year. I won't deny it but the professional pride side of my heart did a leap and happy dance because, hey, I have worked my ass off these past 3.5 years and I do like having my efforts recognised.
BUT, the rational part of my brain also managed to remind me that I love myself and my family and P too much to continue punishing myself and torturing them with my erratic hours and even more erratic mood swings and general grumpiness.
I was then asked to consider again over the long weekend and go back to her next week with my final decision. Out of the utmost respect I have for her, I will do so but as I've prayed and thought long and hard ad infinitum, I doubt I will change my mind.
I feel so excited about my next adventure in life whatever it may be. I have not yet found a job but I'm not worried because it's all in God's hands. 2 months ago, I asked if I could leave as I was really feeling discouraged and God said not yet. I was really truly very upset and I asked God "why? why do I keep having to suffer and be miserable???" I think he wanted me to not be rash and to go through my reasons properly and thoroughly and make a well-considered decision. Dad also said God probably wanted me to wait for the performance review where I could hear affirmation that I am good enough to make partnership and that if I don't want it, it's purely my choice.
So, I am so happy and you know what they (who the heck is "they" anyway??) say about having a burden lifted off your shoulders? Well, it's real. And you can actually feel it physically. Try it someday. It rocks.
:)