Reboot
So, yesterday kinda sucked.
Starts out with bit of a small money crisis that just highlights the larger money crisis which is my life, in general. Money crisis is generally revolving around my lack of planning crisis and productivity crisis, basically just business as usual.
Shouldn't be this bad, but I got a bit overconfident on my trip and I'm paying for it now. Made a couple miscalculations. I really need to get Quicken again! That helped so much when I was keeping tabs on everything.
Anyway, that was followed up by my laptop kicking the bucket. My laptop, btw, is my only computer. It's my main workstation and it's gone everywhere with me for the last 4-5 years. It's been a really great machine, but I guess the video card overheated for the last time and now, fans or no, it won't display an image on it's own screen or any other.
Because of issues mentioned above, as of this week I'm fully re-implementing "the plan" that I started last January. As of today, I'm going back on the adderall, as right now I can't afford to get stuck in productivity-sapping emotional downward spirals.
I kinda terminated the plan a bit early last year, anyway, having originally planned to keep it up in a longer-term sense, focusing on slow, accumulated improvements over a long period of self-training and habit forming. The time that I did stick to it DID help significantly. I stopped the medication side of it largely due to common subtle side effects from the drug adding up--muscle tension, dehydration, nervous ticks--and generally making me uncomfortable. After ceasing dosage I was certainly able to maintain much better than before I'd started, having broken, or at least significantly weakened several of my old emotional habits. As a result, I was able to continue forward progress for a bit, and hold the rest of last year without significant backwards-steps.
However, I didn't actually complete what I started. I maintained where I left off, but where I left off wasn't where I needed to be. Furthermore, I've noticed some slight, slow regression in certain aspects over the last 6 months. It's time to cut that and make a few more steps forward.
I had a good talk with a friend over lunch today who is finally coming to terms with a lot of similar issues to what I've been dealing with. He had just finally broken down and talked to someone who diagnosed him with ADD and was asking me about my experience with it, and medications and such. It was a good talk for both of us, as I was able to help describe my process and how I approach it and ease a lot of his concerns, as well as bringing a lot of it back up fresh in my mind and reminding me of my confidence in my ideas on the subject. I told him to come here and read through my journal from the beginning of last year, as I talk about it a lot. The whole reason I'm keeping all this public, after all, is to help give other people perspective who might be suffering from similar stuff!
Anyway, I gotta get ready for bed! Going to try to make tomorrow a busy day!
Starts out with bit of a small money crisis that just highlights the larger money crisis which is my life, in general. Money crisis is generally revolving around my lack of planning crisis and productivity crisis, basically just business as usual.
Shouldn't be this bad, but I got a bit overconfident on my trip and I'm paying for it now. Made a couple miscalculations. I really need to get Quicken again! That helped so much when I was keeping tabs on everything.
Anyway, that was followed up by my laptop kicking the bucket. My laptop, btw, is my only computer. It's my main workstation and it's gone everywhere with me for the last 4-5 years. It's been a really great machine, but I guess the video card overheated for the last time and now, fans or no, it won't display an image on it's own screen or any other.
Because of issues mentioned above, as of this week I'm fully re-implementing "the plan" that I started last January. As of today, I'm going back on the adderall, as right now I can't afford to get stuck in productivity-sapping emotional downward spirals.
I kinda terminated the plan a bit early last year, anyway, having originally planned to keep it up in a longer-term sense, focusing on slow, accumulated improvements over a long period of self-training and habit forming. The time that I did stick to it DID help significantly. I stopped the medication side of it largely due to common subtle side effects from the drug adding up--muscle tension, dehydration, nervous ticks--and generally making me uncomfortable. After ceasing dosage I was certainly able to maintain much better than before I'd started, having broken, or at least significantly weakened several of my old emotional habits. As a result, I was able to continue forward progress for a bit, and hold the rest of last year without significant backwards-steps.
However, I didn't actually complete what I started. I maintained where I left off, but where I left off wasn't where I needed to be. Furthermore, I've noticed some slight, slow regression in certain aspects over the last 6 months. It's time to cut that and make a few more steps forward.
I had a good talk with a friend over lunch today who is finally coming to terms with a lot of similar issues to what I've been dealing with. He had just finally broken down and talked to someone who diagnosed him with ADD and was asking me about my experience with it, and medications and such. It was a good talk for both of us, as I was able to help describe my process and how I approach it and ease a lot of his concerns, as well as bringing a lot of it back up fresh in my mind and reminding me of my confidence in my ideas on the subject. I told him to come here and read through my journal from the beginning of last year, as I talk about it a lot. The whole reason I'm keeping all this public, after all, is to help give other people perspective who might be suffering from similar stuff!
Anyway, I gotta get ready for bed! Going to try to make tomorrow a busy day!