Doctor Who crack fic
Posting this here for now. I'll post to the appropriate communities when I wake up.
This fic is being blamed on cincoflex. She posted something on her journal that...well...immediately gave birth to this story. How that happened is a mystery to us all.
So, without further ado:
The Man Within
By Tres Mechante
Summary: A crack fic in which Rose is protective, Jack gives in to animal urges, and the Doctor ends up with a sore bum. Well, amongst other assorted goings on.
Disclaimer: Not mine. Merely borrowed to satisfy the perverse whims of my muse. Be assured, it was consensual. Note that all have been returned, exhausted but otherwise unharmed.
Characters: Ninth Doctor, Rose and Jack. Told from Jack’s POV.
Rating and Warnings: Somewhere between Teen and Adult for a bad word or two and some rather suggestive banter, not to mention the aforementioned animal urges. And really, how could I possibly rate extreme silliness.
Spoilers: Not a one.
Length: approximately 5600 words of silliness.
A/N: This is a category I like to call Plot Optional. I honestly have not idea what possessed me to write this. Other than perhaps a need to tease Jack a bit. Comments always appreciated.
~~~~ ~ ~~~~ ~ ~~~~
Formatting Note: Italics indicates Jack's thoughts.
~~~ ~ ~~~
The pain woke him. Jack tried to move but the pounding in his head prevented any such action. Besides, his body refused to cooperate. He felt like the morning after the night before, but couldn’t actually remember getting drunk.
Voices penetrated the confusion - faintly at first, then with greater clarity.
“He’s going to be all right, isn’t he?”
Rose. The concern in her voice soothed the pounding in his head.
“I hope so, Rose. I sincerely hope so.”
Oh, that doesn’t sound good. You always sound confident, even when everything is obviously going to hell in a hand basket.
A sudden jostling sensation derailed his train of thought.
“Careful, Doctor!”
“I know what I’m doing. Help me move him a little closer to the scanner.”
Grunting and more jostling followed. He had the impression of someone leaning over him, and caught the briefest whiff of leather. This was followed by the faint aroma he privately called ‘essence of Rose’.
He really wished he had the energy to open his eyes and see what was going on. Or better yet, find the energy to properly enjoy it.
“See if you can find a cloth to dry him off or maybe just cover him up. Be a shame if he caught cold.”
Concern, Doc? I’m touched.
“Rose? You alright?”
Jack could hear a small sound, like a hitched breath. Oh, Rose, don’t cry. I’ll be fine. You’ll see, I’ll be -
“F-fine, Doctor.”
Okay. That was definitely not a sob. That sounded like…are you giggling?
“Why are you giggling? This is serious.”
Yeah.
“I know, Doctor. Really. It’s just that…”
That what?
“That what?”
“Well, I’m looking at him lying there and…It’s just that with all the fuss that’s been made over him I thought he’d be, you know, bigger.”
Bigger?! I’ll have you know I’ve never had any complaints.
“Really, Rose. He’s not what one would call small…”
Damn straight. You tell her, Doc.
“…in fact, he’s quite average, really.”
Average!
“Anyway, it’s not the size that matters.”
Jack wondered if it was possible to die of embarrassment.
“Yeah, right. It’s what you do with it. I’ve that before.”
“From Rickey, I imagine.”
Oh, I really didn’t need that image.
“Mickey. And you just mind your own business.”
“I’ll take that as a yes, then, shall I?”
Uh, guys, can we get back to more pressing matters?
“You think you’re so impressive.”
Rose?
“Only because I am.”
Doc? A little focus here.
“You can’t be talking about your dancing skills?”
“I’m a fantastic dancer, as you well know.”
Jack’s frustration level mounted until he thought he’d explode. Instead, he felt spasms throughout his body.
“Doctor, he moved.”
He felt prodding along his side.
“Involuntary spasm. Probably in a bit of pain.”
The only pain I’m in is listening to you two. Help me!
“Can you give him anything?”
Don’t!
“This should help.”
A sharp pain to his left buttock caused him to flinch.
Rose’s voice seemed to come from far away. “Don’t worry. You’ll be your old self again in no time.”
Who...old… you…calling…who…you…
Darkness swallowed him before he could complete his thought.
~~~ ~ ~~~
Jack awoke invigorated and ready to take on the universe.
That’s more like it.
He took a deep breath, and promptly sneezed.
His eyes popped open and he found himself staring at woodchips. Raising his head, he discovered he was, in fact, sprawled out on a pile of woodchips.
That must have been a helluva party. I hope I had a good time.
Heaving himself up, he found he was unable to stand upright. Every time he managed to stand, he toppled over. The third time, he discovered the why.
Panic consumed him. This was not his body.
Wild-eyed he looked around, looking for the Doctor or Rose. All he saw was wire mesh - and beyond that a laboratory - and everything in it was huge.
Jack tried to scream, but the only sound that came out was a small squeak. He backed away from the edge of the cage and suddenly jumped when he bumped into something. It was a food dish.
Okay. Okay. Stay calm. Assess the situation. Don’t panic. Must. Not. Panic.
He kept repeating this until he felt his heart rate settle somewhat. Forcing himself to calmness, he inspected his surroundings, starting with his own body.
Fur. Definitely fur. Soft. Four legs. Not quite fingers, but they’ll do. No tail. That’s good. Oh, wait… He struggled to reach under and behind himself. Oh thank god - still there.
Bodily inventory complete, he began to take stock of his environment. Jack carefully moved to the edge of his cage, still trying to get the hang of the unfamiliar body. There was no one in the lab.
A quick look was all it took to spot the latch on the cage door. He hurried over and reached through the opening, fumbling with the catch.
Come on…you look like fingers, act like them.
The cage door sprang free - and so did he. Jack cautiously moved along the table, quickly getting the hang of coordinating four feet.
Well, obviously I’m not going to be able to open the lab door, so…ah-ha! I bet I can get through that vent, but how to get there…
He walked along the table until he found cords from a set of monitors. Jack maneuvered himself carefully until his back end was off the table. Then, gripping the cords in his front paws - fingers - he began a controlled slide to the floor. He lost his grip midway and dropped the last few inches, landing with a solid thud.
Damn. I bet that leaves a mark.
He scurried across the floor to the vent and, with much effort, squeezed between the slats. Now what? He picked a direction and started walking - or waddling, as the case may be. His goal: find the Doctor and Rose.
Jack paused to look at his reflection in a shiny piece of ductwork. Huh. He looked sort of like a guinea pig, all fuzzy and cute, and rather blond. He wiggled his nose. Yeah, the ladies would go for that. Maybe even a few guys…He could definitely make the look work.
A noise from behind prompted him to keep going.
Jack had no idea how long he’d been wandering through the ventilation system when an alarm sounded. He suspected his absence had been discovered, and knew it wouldn’t take long before someone figured out how he escaped the lab.
Scurrying along a smaller shaft, he traveled uphill for a short distance - a challenge since claws don’t have much traction on smooth metal - before hitting a dead end. Desperation lent strength to his efforts and he managed to force open a space between the slats of a vent cover. Pushing his body through the opening he fell, and found himself in a bed of wood shavings.
Shit. Another cage.
“Well, hello there.”
He blinked, startled by the voice beside him. Turning, he saw another guinea pig type creature staring at him. It came closer.
“Are you hurt?”
The hell? It talks? Jack hesitated, but tried giving an answer.
“Uh, no. No, I’m okay.” Whoa. I wonder if this is because we’re the same species or if the TARDIS is translating?
“That’s a relief. So, is there a reason you decided to drop by?” The other rodent came closer, body rolling sinuously. “I’m Nonn, by the way.”
Jack’s nose twitched. I know that smell - feminine arousal. Ah. It’s a she. I think I can work with this.
“Hi Nonn. I’m Jack. Does a guy need a reason to drop in on a pretty, uh, girl?”
This was greeted by giggles. Lots of them. Jack turned around and found himself surrounded by females - several horny females. All of them eyeing him in a decidedly hungry manner.
“Back off! I saw him first.” Nonn glared at the others.
Uh-oh. This could get ugly fast. Before he could say anything the others backed away, although they did not take their eyes off Jack.
“Uh, Nonn, maybe you can help me. I’m just passing through - looking for a couple of friends, actually.”
“We could be…friends.”
Jack’s eyes widened at the way she said ‘friends’.
Nonn came close enough to whisper in his ear. “And friends help each other.”
He paused. “Is there was way out of here?”
“Maybe. If it’s important.”
“Very important.”
“Convince me.” Nonn made a sound somewhere between a purr and a growl.
“What?”
Jack watched as Nonn moved in front of him and backed up until her hind legs were against his front legs. She turned to look at him. “How badly to you want my help?”
Jack hesitated over how to respond. His body, however, had no such difficulty.
Well, it’s not like I’ve never done it doggie style. This can’t be all that different.
Shuffling forward, he grabbed Nonn’s hips and said, “Always happy to oblige a lady.” In one quick move, he mounted her.
Whoa…that’s…ohhh….so good…
Every sensation was at once familiar and strange in this new body. He panted heavily as he tried to keep focused, reminding himself that nice guys finished last.
But I’m not a nice guy…ladies first…pretend I’m a nice guy…ladies first…oh god hurry…pleasepleaseplease…
With a high-pitched squeal Nonn toppled over the edge, followed quickly by Jack, who slowly slumped to one side. He rolled his head to look at Nonn. “Hey.”
Nonn’s nose twitched but her eyes remained closed. She raised a hand - paw - and waved it in the general direction of the rear of the cage. “Corner opposite the water, fifth wire in, third from the bottom.”
“What?”
She opened her eyes slightly. “It’s not properly attached. You’ll be able to push through.”
So why are they still here? “Then why haven’t…”
“And go where?”
“Nonn--” Jack broke off, not quite sure what to say.
“Just go, be happy. And thank you; it had been a while.”
Jack nuzzled her slightly. “Thank you.”
“You’re not there, yet.” With that she seemed to fall asleep.
“What do you…Nonn? Nonn?” Well. That’s just…Huh. Now I know why Algie was so pissed off at me.
He sighed. Better go - uh-oh.
A group of females blocked his path. He swallowed hard and then slipped on his Captain Jack persona.
“Hello, Ladies.”
Jack lost track of time - admittedly an odd situation for a trained time agent - and, in fact, tried to block out everything that happened. It wasn’t the first time he’d played Casanova to get what he wanted, but this was beyond anything he’d ever experienced.
When he finally reached the section of cage with the loose wire, he simply collapsed. It wasn’t just the physical exhaustion - he’d lost count after 18 - but the emotional toll as well. He felt used, dirty. Resolutely pushing that thought aside, he focused on what had to be done.
I’ll get up in a minute…just push that wire out of the way and keep looking for Rose and the Doctor. That’s it. I’ll just take a minute to catch my breath. That’s…
He fell into an exhausted slumber, oblivious to the comings and goings around him.
~~~ ~ ~~~
Jack’s first conscious thought was that he was dreaming.
Mmm…soft.
He knew he was dreaming because the woodchips were not soft.
So soft and warm. His nose twitched. Rose. Sweet Rose. Lovely…Rose?
He opened his eyes but could see nothing for a moment, then realized he was pressed against Rose’s chest, with his face nuzzled between her breasts.
Oh yeah. Still asleep. Definitely dreaming. I know this because if I was awake, the Doctor would kick my ass for being this close to Rose.
“Oh do put him down, Rose. You’ll give him ideas if you keep holding him like that.”
Too late. Jack snuggled in closer.
“That tickles.”
“Then put him down on floor, let him run about for a bit.”
Oh no you don’t. Jack looked up at Rose through half-open eyes and twitched his nose at her. He was gratified when she giggled and bent down to rub her nose against his.
“But Doctor look at him. He’s tired.”
“Not exactly a surprise is it, considering where we found him. Makes a jail break and where does he go? The nearest pen of females.”
Low blow, Doc.
“That’s not fair, Doctor. You said yourself it looked like he’d fallen through the grill and into that pen. Not his fault.”
Thanks, Rose. Always knew I could count on you. Jack glared at the Doctor.
“Just put him down and give me a hand with this panel, there’s a good girl.”
Arrogant bastard. He felt Rose hold him closer.
“You’re making a lot of assumption, you know. He’s not really like that.”
Jack yelped - squeaked, actually - when the world suddenly turned upside down.
“He’s intact, Rose. It’s a safe bet that he’s been busy and that’s why he’s tired.”
Jack grunted as he landed on the table, wobbling slightly. Alright, I’ve shown you mine, now you let me see yours.
He watched Rose and the Doctor struggled with a panel on the console. The sonic screwdriver hummed - has it always been that loud? - and suddenly a section of wall opened and a drawer slid out.
Jack moved closer to the edge of the table for a better look. That’s…interesting. And disturbing - very disturbing. He could only stare at his human body.
“Is he…is he alive?”
“Vital signs are faint, but there. Neurological systems are a bit shaky, though.”
Shaky? I’m not going to stay like this am I?
“You can put him back, right? Make him Jack again.”
The Doctor continued to read something on the monitor.
Uh, Doctor? You’re not answering…
“Doctor?”
“Hmm? Oh, right. Yes, I should be able to reverse this, minimal damage even.”
Define minimal damage.
“What do you mean by minimal damage?”
“Nothing to worry about. Probably just have a fondness for woodchips or some such.” The Doctor flashed a grin at Rose.
“You’re really something, you know that?”
Yeah. A bastard.
“I know. Thank you.”
Jack rolled his eyes, or at least tried to. He settled for scrunching his nose and baring his teeth at the Doctor.
A sudden noise from the hallway made them all jump. The Doctor aimed his sonic screwdriver at the door’s control panel and the laboratory door slid shut.
“Hurry, Doctor.”
Definitely hurry.
“That’s not going to hold them, I’m afraid - just slow them down a bit.”
“But you said the exits were all reinforced for security.”
“Right. To keep what’s inside from getting out. It won’t help keep things outside from getting in.”
Well, hell.
“So what are we going to do?”
Jack’s eyes flicked between the door and the Doctor. Whatever it is, you better make it quick.
The Doctor began muttering to himself as he paced the room.
“Doctor? Can’t we use the trans-mat to get back to the TARDIS?”
Jack and the Doctor stared at Rose.
“I was just wondering…that symbol there means trans-mat, right? So--”
“You, Rose Tyler, are a genius!”
Jack watched in astonishment as the Doctor grabbed Rose by the shoulders and kissed her square on the mouth.
Rose looked a little shocked as the Doctor suddenly let her go and began racing around the room.
“Well, don’t just stand there. Make yourself useful.”
Rose quickly joined the Doctor in loading up a hover cart with various pieces of equipment. Jack felt helpless as he watched his friends work. All he could do was offer the occasional squeak of encouragement.
Once the hover cart was loaded, the Doctor pushed it up against the drawer with Jack’s body. He then pulled the drawer from the wall, but left the wires connecting Jack to the monitors.
“Right. You stand here and keep your hand on both the cart and Jack.”
Rose stood as directed.
“Now, this is very important, Rose. Pay attention. As soon as you trans-mat, Jack will be off life support. He’ll die if you don’t act quickly. Once you materialize, get Jack into the TARDIS right away - no dawdling. The slab he’s on operates like the cart. Go to the lower part of the console, third panel door to your left. Start counting with the one directly under the scanner. Got that? Open the door, and grab the green wires with the little clamp things on them and attach them to these electrodes.”
Jack watched the Doctor carefully.
“Repeat it back to me.”
“But, Doctor, aren’t you--”
“Tell me what you’re going to do.”
“Get Jack inside. Go under the scanner, third panel to the left, open it and attach the wires to Jack.”
“Which ones?”
“Green. The green wires with the clamp things on them.”
“Good girl. Now, get ready.”
The Doctor moved back to the trans-mat control.
“But Doctor, aren’t you coming?”
“Right behind you, Rose. I promise.”
The pounding on the door grew in intensity.
“You promise?”
“Right behind you - me and fuzzy, here.”
Love you, too, Doc.
“Brace yourself. Look after Jack.”
“Yeah. You, too.”
And then Rose was gone, along with the equipment and his body.
This was followed by a shower of sparks and the flickering of lights. Jack glanced at the door and realized they , whoever ‘they’ were, had broken through and were pushing the door open.
“Time to leave.”
Ya think?
“Controls aren’t responding, wouldn’t want to try it with a dodgy power supply anyway. Well, Captain, looks like we’ll have to do this the old fashioned way.”
You mean run like hell?
“We’ll have to run for it.”
Easy for you to say. You’ve got the legs for it. It’ll be a little more - hey!
Jack found himself off the table and dropped into a soft, dark place. The smell of leather told him he was in the Doctor’s jacket pocket. The sudden jostling told him they were running.
Trying to turn himself right side up, Jack grumbled a bit. Not that I don’t appreciate the ride, Doctor, but I wouldn’t have minded the front pocket of your jeans. Well, another time maybe.
Just as he managed to work his way toward the top of the pocket, the Doctor made a sudden direction change and Jack slid back inside.
Dammit, Doc, what the hell are you doing?
“Hold on, Jack. I’m going to have to jump.”
Jump? Wha--
There was a sudden jolt and then a great weight squishing him.
This isn’t quite what I had in mind when I fantasized about you being on top.
Unconsciousness claimed him once more.
~~~ ~ ~~~
Jack’s rise to consciousness was accompanied by the comforting hum of the TARDIS.
“It’s about time you woke up.”
Hey, Doc. What’s a guy gotta do to get a coffee around here?
Jack opened his eyes to find he was in a nest of clothes - Rose’s hoodie and the Doctor’s jacket. He suddenly felt very loved.
Climbing out of his comfortable cocoon, Jack ambled across the floor to see what the Doctor was doing. From what he could tell, the Doctor had most of the equipment hooked up to the TARDIS.
Exactly how long have I been out?
He resolutely refused to look at his body by the console, although the monitor attached to it - to him - was emitting a comfortably strong beeping sound. Fortunately, he was distracted when Rose walked in.
“Morning, Jack. Fancy a bite to eat?”
Ah, Rose. You’re spoiling me - and I love it.
“You’re spoiling him, you know. He’ll be expecting this kind of treatment all the time.”
“Be quiet, you. He’s been through a lot. He deserves a bit of coddling.”
Jack scurried over to Rose as she knelt on the floor. He climbed onto her lap and let her feed him bits of toast. While he ate, Rose began to pet him, causing him to glance at her in surprise.
“Sorry. Can’t seem to help myself. You’re very cuddly.”
Cuddly. Well, I suppose I can live with that. Could you…a little to the left… Jack closed his eyes in bliss when her fingers stroked behind his ear. He had no idea how long this went on, lost in pleasure, the sound of the Doctor’s tinkering somewhere in the distance.
Jack suddenly surfaced from his cocoon of pleasure when he realized Rose’s touch had changed. Where her strokes had been comforting, they now had a decidedly erotic rhythm.
Uh, Rose? Sweetheart, I’m flattered but…ohhh that’s nice.
He tried to focus. Okay, I’ll grant you that I’m pretty, um, flexible, but I don’t think you are. I mean, this, us, I’m not sure - oh yeah, a little faster - I’m not sure it’ll work but…god you’re good - if you keep up that I’ll be more than happy to…to…
Jack glanced up at Rose through half-opened eyes, and we a little perturbed to find her attention was not on him at all. He glanced around to find what had her attention, and instantly forgave her.
The Doctor was on his hands and knees under one of the monitors brought from the lab. He was stretching to reach something and his jumper had ridden up, exposing a smooth pale expanse of back. His position also caused his jeans to hug the curve of his ass like a lover’s hand.
Jack felt himself harden at the sight and he absently began to make kneading motions against Rose’s thighs as he began to rock slightly.
“Rose… Jack… come…together.”
Wha? Um, what was that?
“Sorry, Doctor, what did you say?”
“Took a little mental stroll, did you? I said, Rose I need help getting Jack ready. Please come help me put this together.”
That’s not what I heard.
“What did you think I said?”
Rose, are you blushing?
“Don’t know. I wasn’t paying attention, that’s all.”
You are blushing. You naughty girl, you. Not that I blame you. A sight like that does give one a few ideas.
The Doctor rolled his eyes. “Thanks a lot. Nice to be appreciated.”
“Don’t fuss. You were going on and one about reversing polarity of this or that and recreating the conditions of the experiment. I couldn’t make out half of what you were saying.”
“And you’re not going to learn if you don’t pay attention.”
You two really are sweet. But now’s not the time. Hello. Trapped in a guinea pig’s body, here. Listen to me. I’m starting to sound like Mickey. Help!
Rose stood up, cradling Jack against her bosom. “Yes, Doctor.”
“Honestly. You apes. I don’t know why I put up with you.”
“What do you want me to do?”
“Put Jack down over there to start.”
From his vantage point, Jack watched as the final preparations were made. He watched everything carefully, but couldn’t shake the feeling something was not quite right. Fragments of memory kept slipping through.
He remembered being trapped and then strapped into some kind of device, electrodes on his head. They, whoever they were, had mistaken him for someone else and were upset that he wouldn’t tell them what they wanted to know. So they were going to download his consciousness into a database of some sort.
But what happened? It’s important, I can feel it. C’mon, think.
“Right. So we’ll do this in two stages - rodent to computer, then computer to Jack.”
It just doesn’t feel right somehow.
“I just hope it works.”
Jack watched the Doctor wrap Rose in a big hug, dropping a kiss on her temple.
“We’ll get him back, Rose. I promise.”
He was startled when the Doctor reached out a hand and scratched him behind the ears
“Right then. Let’s get to it.”
The Doctor bent over the control panel and began tapping calculations into the computer.
You were right, Doc. I remember what happened! Reproducing the experiment exactly is the key.
He flinched away when the Doctor tried to attach an electrode.
I remember. We have to do it the same way as before. You’re going about this all wrong, Doctor.
“Hold still, Jack. I know what I’m doing”
Jack dodged and sent the wires into the space between the monitors.
“Dammit Jack, we don’t have time for this.” The Doctor bent over the table, trying to reach the wires.
Jack was beyond frustrated and did the only thing he could think of to get the Doctor’s attention. Running as fast as his little legs could manage, he launched himself at the Doctor and sank his teeth firmly into the Time Lord’s butt.
“Oi!” The Doctor jumped up suddenly, dumping Jack onto the TARDIS floor. “The little bugger bit me.”
Jack quickly scurried into a space under the console, safely out of the enraged Time Lord’s reach.
“Why’d he bite you? What’d you do to him?”
“What do you mean what did I do to him? I was minding my own business and he attacked me. Being inside that creature’s body is eroding his sanity.”
Oh give it a rest.
“Or maybe he’s trying to tell you something and you’re not listening.”
The Doctor huffed. “Fine, then. Alright, Jack. What am I missing?”
Jack peeked from his hiding place.
I’m sorry I bit you, Doctor. I’ll kiss it better later. Promise.
The Doctor swooped down and grabbed Jack by the scruff of his neck. “Enough with the games, Jack.”
Jack was dropped back on the console. Right. Now pay attention. Jack began pulling wires free and dragging them to different places. As he fumbled them into position, the Doctor reached over and began attaching them more firmly.
Once everything was in place, Jack waddled over to the Doctor and nuzzled his hand, as much apology as thanks. Okay. This is it. You guys might want to take cover. From what I remember, the fireworks are spectacular.
The Doctor tried to grab Jack, who bared his teeth and backed away with a growl. Sorry, Doc. This is my show. Turning suddenly, Jack hit the power switch, causing a shower of sparks and an arc of electricity to surround the equipment.
The Doctor backed off and grabbed Rose, pulling her behind one of the TARDIS’s columns for protection.
Jack grabbed one of the wires leading directly from his human body to the main console, and put it in his mouth, ready to bite into it.
Oh, yeah. This is gonna hurt.
He was wrong. He never felt a thing.
~~~ ~ ~~~
The cold roused him to consciousness.
Environmental controls must be acting up again.
Jack briefly debated getting up to help the Doctor with repairs, but opted instead to get a few more minutes of sleep. He reached for a blanket, rolled over and promptly hit the floor.
“Jack!”
He looked up to see Rose hurrying toward him.
“What happened? Are you hurt?”
“Rose?”
“Yeah, that’s right. I’m Rose.” She knelt beside him and began to run her hands through his hair, gently probing his skull.
Jack grabbed her hand and pressed her palm against his cheek. “I didn’t hit my head.” He took her hand away and held it between both of his, examining her fingers. Such a tiny hand compared with mine - my hand…my body!
He laughed suddenly and leaned toward her to whisper, “I have fingers - real fingers.” He lifted said fingers brush her hair away from her cheek.
“Well, yeah. Of course you do.”
“No, you don’t understand.” Jack laughed again. “I’m me again. I’m me, Rose!” He grabbed her into a big hug and rolled with her on the floor, tangling them both in his blanket.
“What’s gotten into you?” asked Rose, smiling indulgently.
“Just…happy.” Jack’s eyes caught her gaze and held on. He could feel his own smile slipping the longer he looked at her, the more aware he became of her soft body against his. So beautiful...
Rose’s expression changed from amusement to awareness. A pink tongue slipped out to moisten her lips.
Jack groaned and slowly lowered his head, eyes never leaving hers, watching for any sign of rejection. He paused with their lips barely touching, wanting to draw out the moment ever so slightly, to savor the tension. When Rose’s eyes fluttered closed began to caress her lips with his.
“I see you’re feeling better.”
Jack jumped in shock and whirled around to see the Doctor leaning against the door jam, arms crossed over his chest.
Shit.”Doctor. This isn’t - I mean, it is but…” I am so dead. Beside him, Rose, giggled.
Jack glared at her. Oh sure, laugh. You’re not the one about to be tossed out an airlock.
The Doctor looked at Rose, who was struggling to sit up. “Just so you know, I’ve made up my mind. He’s got to go.”
Rose pouted. “But Doctor--”
“Sorry Rose. He can’t be trusted to behave himself and I won’t have that on the TARDIS.”
Jack tried to keep the fear and disappointment from his voice. “I guess I’d better get packed.”
The Doctor frowned at Jack. “You going somewhere?”
“You just said…didn’t you just say…?”
“You don’t have to leave if you don’t want to. But little Jack is definitely going.”
Jack automatically brought his legs together and bunched the blanket on top protectively. He stared aghast at the Doctor, who was looking amused rather than enraged. What the hell? Maybe I did hit my head.
Rose stood up, hands on hips. “But Doctor, he’s cute and cuddly.”
Cute and cuddly? Little…of course. The guinea pig.
“He’s chewed through three cables and my best jumper. No. I’m sorry, but he can’t stay.”
“You’re not going to give him back to those people.”
“Honestly, Rose. What do you take me for? I promise he’ll be very happy.” The Doctor glanced at Jack. “You going to stay there all day?”
Huh? “I’m open to offers.” Jack struggled to untangle himself from the blanket enough to stand.
The Doctor smirked. “Either of you fancy a bit of excitement?”
Rose walked toward the Doctor, a cheeky grin on her lips. “What’ve you got in mind?”
The Doctor and Rose looked at Jack, who stood clutching a corner of the blanket.
Damn but they look good together. The contrast of the Doctor’s dark intensity and Rose’s fair charms set Jack’s blood rushing, especially now that he knew what Rose felt like under him.
The Doctor gave one of his manic grins. “First things first. Run and get Jack some clothes, would you Rose. He certainly can’t go traipsing about in a blanket.”
Rose dashed off, leaving the Doctor and Jack looking at one another.
Jack finally broke the silence. “What have you got in mind, Doctor? I’m yours to command.”
The Doctor snorted at that, but his eyes were fixed on a point below Jack’s waist, where the blanket had slipped down.
Jack glanced down, then back at the Doctor and grinned. Well, now… “See something you like?”
“At ease, Captain.”
“I am at ease. I just don’t see any reason to fly the flag at half mast.”
The Doctor rolled his eyes, but before he could reply footsteps in the hallway heralded Rose’s return.
Jack quickly perched on the bed and gathered the blanket on his lap.
“Here you go.” Rose’s voice was had a slightly breathless quality that Jack found rather arousing. As though he needed to be any more aroused.
He watched her walk toward him carrying a bundle of clothes. He wasn’t quite sure why he did it, but he leaned back on his elbows and shifted slightly, leaving his groin covered but his flank bare.
Rose’s eyes darkened and a flush swept across her cheeks.
Hmm…I wonder how far the blush goes? I wonder if she’ll let me find out - or if the Doctor would let me. He glanced at the Doctor, then did a double-take at the glazed look on the Time Lord’s face. Well, now, this looks promising.
The Doctor suddenly clapped his hands together, breaking the sensual spell. “Right then. No time for lollygagging.”
Jack barely stopped himself from pouting.
Rose giggled slightly and handed Jack his clothes, but wouldn’t quite meet his eyes.
Unable to resist teasing her, Jack tried out his little boy grin. “You, know, Rose, I’m feeling a little weak. Maybe you could help me…”
At that moment, the lights flickered slightly, distracting everyone.
The Doctor cursed in a language the TARDIS refused to translate. “Get dressed, Jack. Time to get rid of our furry nuisance.”
Rose dropped the clothes on the bed. “But Doctor--”
The lights flickered. “No. He’s obviously gotten out again. If he stays there’s no telling how much damage he could do.” The Doctor gave Rose a small hug. “I promise, I won’t send him back to the lab.”
“I guess I better see if I can find him, then.”
Once Rose had gone, Jack sat up. “So, what are you going to do with the guinea pig?”
“It’s not actually a guinea pig, you know. It’s called--”
“I know, I know. The question is, what are you going to do with it?”
“Do you know why it was in the lab? The males have a high tolerance to pain and enough stamina to impregnate up to a dozen females at one go.”
They don’t know the half of it. “That’s why he’s there? To impregnate the females?” He shook out his jeans and slipped his legs into them.
“No - at least not entirely. The females, well, the hormones they produce when in heat have a psychotropic effect when injected.”
Jack paused in the act of pulling on his jeans. “They keep the females in heat so they can get high?”
“That about sums it up.”
“So where does the male come in?”
“Pain tolerance. He was being studied to figure out how much pain could be tolerated and how to transfer that ability to themselves.”
“Studied. You mean tortured.” Jack jammed his feet into his boots with more force than necessary. “Fine example of an advanced civilization, capturing and torturing innocent creatures.”
“Well, that’s the thing. The ones in the lab are it. The others were hunted to the brink of extinction. That’s why the panic when the male went missing. No male, no breeding.”
Jack and the Doctor looked at each other.
“So, Doc, what’s the plan?”
“A little break and enter and liberation of the oppressed.” The Doctor’s grin was filled with mischief.
“The usual, you mean.”
“For starters.”
“Starters?”
“Once this is all over I’ll let you make good on your promise.”
Promise? What promise?
The Doctor stared at Jack intently for a moment before grinning. “Right, let’s go.”
Jack pulled his T-shirt over his head and followed the Doctor, puzzling over what promise he could have made.
Several hours later, he stood between Rose and the Doctor and watched the furry refugees tentatively explore their new home. Breaking them out of the lab had been absurdly easy, as had the deletion of data gained by experimenting on the animals.
Rose took his hand and squeezed as the male began running around, sniffing and scratching at things. “He looks happy,” she said.
Jack cleared his throat. “Definitely better than a cage.”
The Doctor clapped him on the back. “Let’s let them settle in, then shall we?” When Jack hesitated, he added, “They’ll be fine. I promise. No predators, and their nearest neighbors are just over that rise. And they’re compatible.”
Jack laughed. “Okay. Let’s go.”
Rose called out “Bye, Little Jack. Be happy.” Little Jack looked up, twitched his nose at her and went back to exploring. “I’m going to miss him.”
The Doctor lightly tugged one of her braids. “He really will be fine. And so will my TARDIS now that no one is chewing on her circuits.”
She swatted his hand away. “Right. She’ll do so much better with someone randomly pulling the circuits out or hitting her with a mallet every so often.”
“Oi! I’ll have you no there is nothing random about my circuit pulling.”
“Oh, and I suppose you meant for the gravity to disappear when I was in the shower?”
Jack wrapped an arm around his two companions. “You two really are cute together.” He laughed at the twin looks of exasperation they sent him.
The Doctor opened the door and allowed Rose to enter first, and made to follow, but paused suddenly. He gave Jack a mock disappointed look. “You really don’t remember your promise, do you?”
Jack frantically tried to remember what he could possibly have promised the Doctor.
“Well, nevermind,” said the Doctor. “Good thing I’ve got such an amazing metabolism. My arse will heal just fine without your help.”
Your what? My help? What…oh. No. No way. He stared at the Time Lord in horror. When he’d been a guinea pig, he’d bitten the Doctor and promised...promised…
“You did promise to kiss it better,” the Doctor chided.
“You heard me. You knew what I was thinking the whole time…”
“Not entirely. But sometimes your thoughts were pretty clear.”
Jack stared at him in shock. Psychic? But that means - control my thoughts. Don’t think anything embarrassing.
“I’m not reading your thoughts. Oh really, Jack, the look on your face just then said what you were thinking.”
“You’re not psychic?”
“If you mean can I give you the winning lottery numbers or tell you where to find your missing dog, then no. Well, I could, but that’s a Time Lord thing.” The Doctor grinned. “The TARDIS however does get inside your head. That’s how she translates. And sometimes, I can pick up on things through that connection. She’s practically part of me, you know, so I’m connected to whoever she’s connected to.”
“So you can hear thoughts, then.”
“Not really. And I don’t particularly want to. But when you were in that other body, well, its mind doesn’t have the filters, if you will, that a human has.”
“Oh.”
“Doctor. Jack. Are you coming or are you planning to pitch a tent and stay awhile?”
The Doctor grinned at Jack as he walked past. “And really, don’t worry about my arse. I’ll be fine in no time. Although I won’t be sitting down any time soon. Not to mention what you did to my jeans.”
Jack grinned back at the Doctor. “Well, the offer still stands. I mean, if I promised, then I’ll live up to it. I’m a man of my word.”
“No, sorry. A little late now.”
“Another time, perhaps.”
“If you think I’m going to let you bite me again, you are sadly mistaken.”
“Not even a nibble?”
Rose looked up at that question. “A nibble of what?”
Jack walked up behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist. “You, my dear Rose. I wouldn’t mind nibbling on you.” He placed a kiss on her neck, making her giggle.
Annoyance laced the Doctor’s words, but there was indulgence in his eyes. “That’s enough out of you, Captain. Seems some of the rodent’s mating habits have remained in your personality. Perhaps neutering will help settle you down.”
Jack’s shout of outrage was drowned out by the sound of the dematerialization sequence.
~~~~ ~ ~~~~
Outside, a lone female stared at the disappearing box. Her nose twitched as she stared forlornly at the empty space. Slowly she ambled back to the male. He wasn’t the one she wanted, but as her hormones raced once more, she decided that he would just have to do.
-END-
If you are curious what could possibly have sparked this story… the answer is here. Thanks Cinco.
I knew I shouldn't have eaten those mushrooms....
This fic is being blamed on cincoflex. She posted something on her journal that...well...immediately gave birth to this story. How that happened is a mystery to us all.
So, without further ado:
The Man Within
By Tres Mechante
Summary: A crack fic in which Rose is protective, Jack gives in to animal urges, and the Doctor ends up with a sore bum. Well, amongst other assorted goings on.
Disclaimer: Not mine. Merely borrowed to satisfy the perverse whims of my muse. Be assured, it was consensual. Note that all have been returned, exhausted but otherwise unharmed.
Characters: Ninth Doctor, Rose and Jack. Told from Jack’s POV.
Rating and Warnings: Somewhere between Teen and Adult for a bad word or two and some rather suggestive banter, not to mention the aforementioned animal urges. And really, how could I possibly rate extreme silliness.
Spoilers: Not a one.
Length: approximately 5600 words of silliness.
A/N: This is a category I like to call Plot Optional. I honestly have not idea what possessed me to write this. Other than perhaps a need to tease Jack a bit. Comments always appreciated.
~~~~ ~ ~~~~ ~ ~~~~
Formatting Note: Italics indicates Jack's thoughts.
~~~ ~ ~~~
The pain woke him. Jack tried to move but the pounding in his head prevented any such action. Besides, his body refused to cooperate. He felt like the morning after the night before, but couldn’t actually remember getting drunk.
Voices penetrated the confusion - faintly at first, then with greater clarity.
“He’s going to be all right, isn’t he?”
Rose. The concern in her voice soothed the pounding in his head.
“I hope so, Rose. I sincerely hope so.”
Oh, that doesn’t sound good. You always sound confident, even when everything is obviously going to hell in a hand basket.
A sudden jostling sensation derailed his train of thought.
“Careful, Doctor!”
“I know what I’m doing. Help me move him a little closer to the scanner.”
Grunting and more jostling followed. He had the impression of someone leaning over him, and caught the briefest whiff of leather. This was followed by the faint aroma he privately called ‘essence of Rose’.
He really wished he had the energy to open his eyes and see what was going on. Or better yet, find the energy to properly enjoy it.
“See if you can find a cloth to dry him off or maybe just cover him up. Be a shame if he caught cold.”
Concern, Doc? I’m touched.
“Rose? You alright?”
Jack could hear a small sound, like a hitched breath. Oh, Rose, don’t cry. I’ll be fine. You’ll see, I’ll be -
“F-fine, Doctor.”
Okay. That was definitely not a sob. That sounded like…are you giggling?
“Why are you giggling? This is serious.”
Yeah.
“I know, Doctor. Really. It’s just that…”
That what?
“That what?”
“Well, I’m looking at him lying there and…It’s just that with all the fuss that’s been made over him I thought he’d be, you know, bigger.”
Bigger?! I’ll have you know I’ve never had any complaints.
“Really, Rose. He’s not what one would call small…”
Damn straight. You tell her, Doc.
“…in fact, he’s quite average, really.”
Average!
“Anyway, it’s not the size that matters.”
Jack wondered if it was possible to die of embarrassment.
“Yeah, right. It’s what you do with it. I’ve that before.”
“From Rickey, I imagine.”
Oh, I really didn’t need that image.
“Mickey. And you just mind your own business.”
“I’ll take that as a yes, then, shall I?”
Uh, guys, can we get back to more pressing matters?
“You think you’re so impressive.”
Rose?
“Only because I am.”
Doc? A little focus here.
“You can’t be talking about your dancing skills?”
“I’m a fantastic dancer, as you well know.”
Jack’s frustration level mounted until he thought he’d explode. Instead, he felt spasms throughout his body.
“Doctor, he moved.”
He felt prodding along his side.
“Involuntary spasm. Probably in a bit of pain.”
The only pain I’m in is listening to you two. Help me!
“Can you give him anything?”
Don’t!
“This should help.”
A sharp pain to his left buttock caused him to flinch.
Rose’s voice seemed to come from far away. “Don’t worry. You’ll be your old self again in no time.”
Who...old… you…calling…who…you…
Darkness swallowed him before he could complete his thought.
~~~ ~ ~~~
Jack awoke invigorated and ready to take on the universe.
That’s more like it.
He took a deep breath, and promptly sneezed.
His eyes popped open and he found himself staring at woodchips. Raising his head, he discovered he was, in fact, sprawled out on a pile of woodchips.
That must have been a helluva party. I hope I had a good time.
Heaving himself up, he found he was unable to stand upright. Every time he managed to stand, he toppled over. The third time, he discovered the why.
Panic consumed him. This was not his body.
Wild-eyed he looked around, looking for the Doctor or Rose. All he saw was wire mesh - and beyond that a laboratory - and everything in it was huge.
Jack tried to scream, but the only sound that came out was a small squeak. He backed away from the edge of the cage and suddenly jumped when he bumped into something. It was a food dish.
Okay. Okay. Stay calm. Assess the situation. Don’t panic. Must. Not. Panic.
He kept repeating this until he felt his heart rate settle somewhat. Forcing himself to calmness, he inspected his surroundings, starting with his own body.
Fur. Definitely fur. Soft. Four legs. Not quite fingers, but they’ll do. No tail. That’s good. Oh, wait… He struggled to reach under and behind himself. Oh thank god - still there.
Bodily inventory complete, he began to take stock of his environment. Jack carefully moved to the edge of his cage, still trying to get the hang of the unfamiliar body. There was no one in the lab.
A quick look was all it took to spot the latch on the cage door. He hurried over and reached through the opening, fumbling with the catch.
Come on…you look like fingers, act like them.
The cage door sprang free - and so did he. Jack cautiously moved along the table, quickly getting the hang of coordinating four feet.
Well, obviously I’m not going to be able to open the lab door, so…ah-ha! I bet I can get through that vent, but how to get there…
He walked along the table until he found cords from a set of monitors. Jack maneuvered himself carefully until his back end was off the table. Then, gripping the cords in his front paws - fingers - he began a controlled slide to the floor. He lost his grip midway and dropped the last few inches, landing with a solid thud.
Damn. I bet that leaves a mark.
He scurried across the floor to the vent and, with much effort, squeezed between the slats. Now what? He picked a direction and started walking - or waddling, as the case may be. His goal: find the Doctor and Rose.
Jack paused to look at his reflection in a shiny piece of ductwork. Huh. He looked sort of like a guinea pig, all fuzzy and cute, and rather blond. He wiggled his nose. Yeah, the ladies would go for that. Maybe even a few guys…He could definitely make the look work.
A noise from behind prompted him to keep going.
Jack had no idea how long he’d been wandering through the ventilation system when an alarm sounded. He suspected his absence had been discovered, and knew it wouldn’t take long before someone figured out how he escaped the lab.
Scurrying along a smaller shaft, he traveled uphill for a short distance - a challenge since claws don’t have much traction on smooth metal - before hitting a dead end. Desperation lent strength to his efforts and he managed to force open a space between the slats of a vent cover. Pushing his body through the opening he fell, and found himself in a bed of wood shavings.
Shit. Another cage.
“Well, hello there.”
He blinked, startled by the voice beside him. Turning, he saw another guinea pig type creature staring at him. It came closer.
“Are you hurt?”
The hell? It talks? Jack hesitated, but tried giving an answer.
“Uh, no. No, I’m okay.” Whoa. I wonder if this is because we’re the same species or if the TARDIS is translating?
“That’s a relief. So, is there a reason you decided to drop by?” The other rodent came closer, body rolling sinuously. “I’m Nonn, by the way.”
Jack’s nose twitched. I know that smell - feminine arousal. Ah. It’s a she. I think I can work with this.
“Hi Nonn. I’m Jack. Does a guy need a reason to drop in on a pretty, uh, girl?”
This was greeted by giggles. Lots of them. Jack turned around and found himself surrounded by females - several horny females. All of them eyeing him in a decidedly hungry manner.
“Back off! I saw him first.” Nonn glared at the others.
Uh-oh. This could get ugly fast. Before he could say anything the others backed away, although they did not take their eyes off Jack.
“Uh, Nonn, maybe you can help me. I’m just passing through - looking for a couple of friends, actually.”
“We could be…friends.”
Jack’s eyes widened at the way she said ‘friends’.
Nonn came close enough to whisper in his ear. “And friends help each other.”
He paused. “Is there was way out of here?”
“Maybe. If it’s important.”
“Very important.”
“Convince me.” Nonn made a sound somewhere between a purr and a growl.
“What?”
Jack watched as Nonn moved in front of him and backed up until her hind legs were against his front legs. She turned to look at him. “How badly to you want my help?”
Jack hesitated over how to respond. His body, however, had no such difficulty.
Well, it’s not like I’ve never done it doggie style. This can’t be all that different.
Shuffling forward, he grabbed Nonn’s hips and said, “Always happy to oblige a lady.” In one quick move, he mounted her.
Whoa…that’s…ohhh….so good…
Every sensation was at once familiar and strange in this new body. He panted heavily as he tried to keep focused, reminding himself that nice guys finished last.
But I’m not a nice guy…ladies first…pretend I’m a nice guy…ladies first…oh god hurry…pleasepleaseplease…
With a high-pitched squeal Nonn toppled over the edge, followed quickly by Jack, who slowly slumped to one side. He rolled his head to look at Nonn. “Hey.”
Nonn’s nose twitched but her eyes remained closed. She raised a hand - paw - and waved it in the general direction of the rear of the cage. “Corner opposite the water, fifth wire in, third from the bottom.”
“What?”
She opened her eyes slightly. “It’s not properly attached. You’ll be able to push through.”
So why are they still here? “Then why haven’t…”
“And go where?”
“Nonn--” Jack broke off, not quite sure what to say.
“Just go, be happy. And thank you; it had been a while.”
Jack nuzzled her slightly. “Thank you.”
“You’re not there, yet.” With that she seemed to fall asleep.
“What do you…Nonn? Nonn?” Well. That’s just…Huh. Now I know why Algie was so pissed off at me.
He sighed. Better go - uh-oh.
A group of females blocked his path. He swallowed hard and then slipped on his Captain Jack persona.
“Hello, Ladies.”
Jack lost track of time - admittedly an odd situation for a trained time agent - and, in fact, tried to block out everything that happened. It wasn’t the first time he’d played Casanova to get what he wanted, but this was beyond anything he’d ever experienced.
When he finally reached the section of cage with the loose wire, he simply collapsed. It wasn’t just the physical exhaustion - he’d lost count after 18 - but the emotional toll as well. He felt used, dirty. Resolutely pushing that thought aside, he focused on what had to be done.
I’ll get up in a minute…just push that wire out of the way and keep looking for Rose and the Doctor. That’s it. I’ll just take a minute to catch my breath. That’s…
He fell into an exhausted slumber, oblivious to the comings and goings around him.
~~~ ~ ~~~
Jack’s first conscious thought was that he was dreaming.
Mmm…soft.
He knew he was dreaming because the woodchips were not soft.
So soft and warm. His nose twitched. Rose. Sweet Rose. Lovely…Rose?
He opened his eyes but could see nothing for a moment, then realized he was pressed against Rose’s chest, with his face nuzzled between her breasts.
Oh yeah. Still asleep. Definitely dreaming. I know this because if I was awake, the Doctor would kick my ass for being this close to Rose.
“Oh do put him down, Rose. You’ll give him ideas if you keep holding him like that.”
Too late. Jack snuggled in closer.
“That tickles.”
“Then put him down on floor, let him run about for a bit.”
Oh no you don’t. Jack looked up at Rose through half-open eyes and twitched his nose at her. He was gratified when she giggled and bent down to rub her nose against his.
“But Doctor look at him. He’s tired.”
“Not exactly a surprise is it, considering where we found him. Makes a jail break and where does he go? The nearest pen of females.”
Low blow, Doc.
“That’s not fair, Doctor. You said yourself it looked like he’d fallen through the grill and into that pen. Not his fault.”
Thanks, Rose. Always knew I could count on you. Jack glared at the Doctor.
“Just put him down and give me a hand with this panel, there’s a good girl.”
Arrogant bastard. He felt Rose hold him closer.
“You’re making a lot of assumption, you know. He’s not really like that.”
Jack yelped - squeaked, actually - when the world suddenly turned upside down.
“He’s intact, Rose. It’s a safe bet that he’s been busy and that’s why he’s tired.”
Jack grunted as he landed on the table, wobbling slightly. Alright, I’ve shown you mine, now you let me see yours.
He watched Rose and the Doctor struggled with a panel on the console. The sonic screwdriver hummed - has it always been that loud? - and suddenly a section of wall opened and a drawer slid out.
Jack moved closer to the edge of the table for a better look. That’s…interesting. And disturbing - very disturbing. He could only stare at his human body.
“Is he…is he alive?”
“Vital signs are faint, but there. Neurological systems are a bit shaky, though.”
Shaky? I’m not going to stay like this am I?
“You can put him back, right? Make him Jack again.”
The Doctor continued to read something on the monitor.
Uh, Doctor? You’re not answering…
“Doctor?”
“Hmm? Oh, right. Yes, I should be able to reverse this, minimal damage even.”
Define minimal damage.
“What do you mean by minimal damage?”
“Nothing to worry about. Probably just have a fondness for woodchips or some such.” The Doctor flashed a grin at Rose.
“You’re really something, you know that?”
Yeah. A bastard.
“I know. Thank you.”
Jack rolled his eyes, or at least tried to. He settled for scrunching his nose and baring his teeth at the Doctor.
A sudden noise from the hallway made them all jump. The Doctor aimed his sonic screwdriver at the door’s control panel and the laboratory door slid shut.
“Hurry, Doctor.”
Definitely hurry.
“That’s not going to hold them, I’m afraid - just slow them down a bit.”
“But you said the exits were all reinforced for security.”
“Right. To keep what’s inside from getting out. It won’t help keep things outside from getting in.”
Well, hell.
“So what are we going to do?”
Jack’s eyes flicked between the door and the Doctor. Whatever it is, you better make it quick.
The Doctor began muttering to himself as he paced the room.
“Doctor? Can’t we use the trans-mat to get back to the TARDIS?”
Jack and the Doctor stared at Rose.
“I was just wondering…that symbol there means trans-mat, right? So--”
“You, Rose Tyler, are a genius!”
Jack watched in astonishment as the Doctor grabbed Rose by the shoulders and kissed her square on the mouth.
Rose looked a little shocked as the Doctor suddenly let her go and began racing around the room.
“Well, don’t just stand there. Make yourself useful.”
Rose quickly joined the Doctor in loading up a hover cart with various pieces of equipment. Jack felt helpless as he watched his friends work. All he could do was offer the occasional squeak of encouragement.
Once the hover cart was loaded, the Doctor pushed it up against the drawer with Jack’s body. He then pulled the drawer from the wall, but left the wires connecting Jack to the monitors.
“Right. You stand here and keep your hand on both the cart and Jack.”
Rose stood as directed.
“Now, this is very important, Rose. Pay attention. As soon as you trans-mat, Jack will be off life support. He’ll die if you don’t act quickly. Once you materialize, get Jack into the TARDIS right away - no dawdling. The slab he’s on operates like the cart. Go to the lower part of the console, third panel door to your left. Start counting with the one directly under the scanner. Got that? Open the door, and grab the green wires with the little clamp things on them and attach them to these electrodes.”
Jack watched the Doctor carefully.
“Repeat it back to me.”
“But, Doctor, aren’t you--”
“Tell me what you’re going to do.”
“Get Jack inside. Go under the scanner, third panel to the left, open it and attach the wires to Jack.”
“Which ones?”
“Green. The green wires with the clamp things on them.”
“Good girl. Now, get ready.”
The Doctor moved back to the trans-mat control.
“But Doctor, aren’t you coming?”
“Right behind you, Rose. I promise.”
The pounding on the door grew in intensity.
“You promise?”
“Right behind you - me and fuzzy, here.”
Love you, too, Doc.
“Brace yourself. Look after Jack.”
“Yeah. You, too.”
And then Rose was gone, along with the equipment and his body.
This was followed by a shower of sparks and the flickering of lights. Jack glanced at the door and realized they , whoever ‘they’ were, had broken through and were pushing the door open.
“Time to leave.”
Ya think?
“Controls aren’t responding, wouldn’t want to try it with a dodgy power supply anyway. Well, Captain, looks like we’ll have to do this the old fashioned way.”
You mean run like hell?
“We’ll have to run for it.”
Easy for you to say. You’ve got the legs for it. It’ll be a little more - hey!
Jack found himself off the table and dropped into a soft, dark place. The smell of leather told him he was in the Doctor’s jacket pocket. The sudden jostling told him they were running.
Trying to turn himself right side up, Jack grumbled a bit. Not that I don’t appreciate the ride, Doctor, but I wouldn’t have minded the front pocket of your jeans. Well, another time maybe.
Just as he managed to work his way toward the top of the pocket, the Doctor made a sudden direction change and Jack slid back inside.
Dammit, Doc, what the hell are you doing?
“Hold on, Jack. I’m going to have to jump.”
Jump? Wha--
There was a sudden jolt and then a great weight squishing him.
This isn’t quite what I had in mind when I fantasized about you being on top.
Unconsciousness claimed him once more.
~~~ ~ ~~~
Jack’s rise to consciousness was accompanied by the comforting hum of the TARDIS.
“It’s about time you woke up.”
Hey, Doc. What’s a guy gotta do to get a coffee around here?
Jack opened his eyes to find he was in a nest of clothes - Rose’s hoodie and the Doctor’s jacket. He suddenly felt very loved.
Climbing out of his comfortable cocoon, Jack ambled across the floor to see what the Doctor was doing. From what he could tell, the Doctor had most of the equipment hooked up to the TARDIS.
Exactly how long have I been out?
He resolutely refused to look at his body by the console, although the monitor attached to it - to him - was emitting a comfortably strong beeping sound. Fortunately, he was distracted when Rose walked in.
“Morning, Jack. Fancy a bite to eat?”
Ah, Rose. You’re spoiling me - and I love it.
“You’re spoiling him, you know. He’ll be expecting this kind of treatment all the time.”
“Be quiet, you. He’s been through a lot. He deserves a bit of coddling.”
Jack scurried over to Rose as she knelt on the floor. He climbed onto her lap and let her feed him bits of toast. While he ate, Rose began to pet him, causing him to glance at her in surprise.
“Sorry. Can’t seem to help myself. You’re very cuddly.”
Cuddly. Well, I suppose I can live with that. Could you…a little to the left… Jack closed his eyes in bliss when her fingers stroked behind his ear. He had no idea how long this went on, lost in pleasure, the sound of the Doctor’s tinkering somewhere in the distance.
Jack suddenly surfaced from his cocoon of pleasure when he realized Rose’s touch had changed. Where her strokes had been comforting, they now had a decidedly erotic rhythm.
Uh, Rose? Sweetheart, I’m flattered but…ohhh that’s nice.
He tried to focus. Okay, I’ll grant you that I’m pretty, um, flexible, but I don’t think you are. I mean, this, us, I’m not sure - oh yeah, a little faster - I’m not sure it’ll work but…god you’re good - if you keep up that I’ll be more than happy to…to…
Jack glanced up at Rose through half-opened eyes, and we a little perturbed to find her attention was not on him at all. He glanced around to find what had her attention, and instantly forgave her.
The Doctor was on his hands and knees under one of the monitors brought from the lab. He was stretching to reach something and his jumper had ridden up, exposing a smooth pale expanse of back. His position also caused his jeans to hug the curve of his ass like a lover’s hand.
Jack felt himself harden at the sight and he absently began to make kneading motions against Rose’s thighs as he began to rock slightly.
“Rose… Jack… come…together.”
Wha? Um, what was that?
“Sorry, Doctor, what did you say?”
“Took a little mental stroll, did you? I said, Rose I need help getting Jack ready. Please come help me put this together.”
That’s not what I heard.
“What did you think I said?”
Rose, are you blushing?
“Don’t know. I wasn’t paying attention, that’s all.”
You are blushing. You naughty girl, you. Not that I blame you. A sight like that does give one a few ideas.
The Doctor rolled his eyes. “Thanks a lot. Nice to be appreciated.”
“Don’t fuss. You were going on and one about reversing polarity of this or that and recreating the conditions of the experiment. I couldn’t make out half of what you were saying.”
“And you’re not going to learn if you don’t pay attention.”
You two really are sweet. But now’s not the time. Hello. Trapped in a guinea pig’s body, here. Listen to me. I’m starting to sound like Mickey. Help!
Rose stood up, cradling Jack against her bosom. “Yes, Doctor.”
“Honestly. You apes. I don’t know why I put up with you.”
“What do you want me to do?”
“Put Jack down over there to start.”
From his vantage point, Jack watched as the final preparations were made. He watched everything carefully, but couldn’t shake the feeling something was not quite right. Fragments of memory kept slipping through.
He remembered being trapped and then strapped into some kind of device, electrodes on his head. They, whoever they were, had mistaken him for someone else and were upset that he wouldn’t tell them what they wanted to know. So they were going to download his consciousness into a database of some sort.
But what happened? It’s important, I can feel it. C’mon, think.
“Right. So we’ll do this in two stages - rodent to computer, then computer to Jack.”
It just doesn’t feel right somehow.
“I just hope it works.”
Jack watched the Doctor wrap Rose in a big hug, dropping a kiss on her temple.
“We’ll get him back, Rose. I promise.”
He was startled when the Doctor reached out a hand and scratched him behind the ears
“Right then. Let’s get to it.”
The Doctor bent over the control panel and began tapping calculations into the computer.
You were right, Doc. I remember what happened! Reproducing the experiment exactly is the key.
He flinched away when the Doctor tried to attach an electrode.
I remember. We have to do it the same way as before. You’re going about this all wrong, Doctor.
“Hold still, Jack. I know what I’m doing”
Jack dodged and sent the wires into the space between the monitors.
“Dammit Jack, we don’t have time for this.” The Doctor bent over the table, trying to reach the wires.
Jack was beyond frustrated and did the only thing he could think of to get the Doctor’s attention. Running as fast as his little legs could manage, he launched himself at the Doctor and sank his teeth firmly into the Time Lord’s butt.
“Oi!” The Doctor jumped up suddenly, dumping Jack onto the TARDIS floor. “The little bugger bit me.”
Jack quickly scurried into a space under the console, safely out of the enraged Time Lord’s reach.
“Why’d he bite you? What’d you do to him?”
“What do you mean what did I do to him? I was minding my own business and he attacked me. Being inside that creature’s body is eroding his sanity.”
Oh give it a rest.
“Or maybe he’s trying to tell you something and you’re not listening.”
The Doctor huffed. “Fine, then. Alright, Jack. What am I missing?”
Jack peeked from his hiding place.
I’m sorry I bit you, Doctor. I’ll kiss it better later. Promise.
The Doctor swooped down and grabbed Jack by the scruff of his neck. “Enough with the games, Jack.”
Jack was dropped back on the console. Right. Now pay attention. Jack began pulling wires free and dragging them to different places. As he fumbled them into position, the Doctor reached over and began attaching them more firmly.
Once everything was in place, Jack waddled over to the Doctor and nuzzled his hand, as much apology as thanks. Okay. This is it. You guys might want to take cover. From what I remember, the fireworks are spectacular.
The Doctor tried to grab Jack, who bared his teeth and backed away with a growl. Sorry, Doc. This is my show. Turning suddenly, Jack hit the power switch, causing a shower of sparks and an arc of electricity to surround the equipment.
The Doctor backed off and grabbed Rose, pulling her behind one of the TARDIS’s columns for protection.
Jack grabbed one of the wires leading directly from his human body to the main console, and put it in his mouth, ready to bite into it.
Oh, yeah. This is gonna hurt.
He was wrong. He never felt a thing.
~~~ ~ ~~~
The cold roused him to consciousness.
Environmental controls must be acting up again.
Jack briefly debated getting up to help the Doctor with repairs, but opted instead to get a few more minutes of sleep. He reached for a blanket, rolled over and promptly hit the floor.
“Jack!”
He looked up to see Rose hurrying toward him.
“What happened? Are you hurt?”
“Rose?”
“Yeah, that’s right. I’m Rose.” She knelt beside him and began to run her hands through his hair, gently probing his skull.
Jack grabbed her hand and pressed her palm against his cheek. “I didn’t hit my head.” He took her hand away and held it between both of his, examining her fingers. Such a tiny hand compared with mine - my hand…my body!
He laughed suddenly and leaned toward her to whisper, “I have fingers - real fingers.” He lifted said fingers brush her hair away from her cheek.
“Well, yeah. Of course you do.”
“No, you don’t understand.” Jack laughed again. “I’m me again. I’m me, Rose!” He grabbed her into a big hug and rolled with her on the floor, tangling them both in his blanket.
“What’s gotten into you?” asked Rose, smiling indulgently.
“Just…happy.” Jack’s eyes caught her gaze and held on. He could feel his own smile slipping the longer he looked at her, the more aware he became of her soft body against his. So beautiful...
Rose’s expression changed from amusement to awareness. A pink tongue slipped out to moisten her lips.
Jack groaned and slowly lowered his head, eyes never leaving hers, watching for any sign of rejection. He paused with their lips barely touching, wanting to draw out the moment ever so slightly, to savor the tension. When Rose’s eyes fluttered closed began to caress her lips with his.
“I see you’re feeling better.”
Jack jumped in shock and whirled around to see the Doctor leaning against the door jam, arms crossed over his chest.
Shit.”Doctor. This isn’t - I mean, it is but…” I am so dead. Beside him, Rose, giggled.
Jack glared at her. Oh sure, laugh. You’re not the one about to be tossed out an airlock.
The Doctor looked at Rose, who was struggling to sit up. “Just so you know, I’ve made up my mind. He’s got to go.”
Rose pouted. “But Doctor--”
“Sorry Rose. He can’t be trusted to behave himself and I won’t have that on the TARDIS.”
Jack tried to keep the fear and disappointment from his voice. “I guess I’d better get packed.”
The Doctor frowned at Jack. “You going somewhere?”
“You just said…didn’t you just say…?”
“You don’t have to leave if you don’t want to. But little Jack is definitely going.”
Jack automatically brought his legs together and bunched the blanket on top protectively. He stared aghast at the Doctor, who was looking amused rather than enraged. What the hell? Maybe I did hit my head.
Rose stood up, hands on hips. “But Doctor, he’s cute and cuddly.”
Cute and cuddly? Little…of course. The guinea pig.
“He’s chewed through three cables and my best jumper. No. I’m sorry, but he can’t stay.”
“You’re not going to give him back to those people.”
“Honestly, Rose. What do you take me for? I promise he’ll be very happy.” The Doctor glanced at Jack. “You going to stay there all day?”
Huh? “I’m open to offers.” Jack struggled to untangle himself from the blanket enough to stand.
The Doctor smirked. “Either of you fancy a bit of excitement?”
Rose walked toward the Doctor, a cheeky grin on her lips. “What’ve you got in mind?”
The Doctor and Rose looked at Jack, who stood clutching a corner of the blanket.
Damn but they look good together. The contrast of the Doctor’s dark intensity and Rose’s fair charms set Jack’s blood rushing, especially now that he knew what Rose felt like under him.
The Doctor gave one of his manic grins. “First things first. Run and get Jack some clothes, would you Rose. He certainly can’t go traipsing about in a blanket.”
Rose dashed off, leaving the Doctor and Jack looking at one another.
Jack finally broke the silence. “What have you got in mind, Doctor? I’m yours to command.”
The Doctor snorted at that, but his eyes were fixed on a point below Jack’s waist, where the blanket had slipped down.
Jack glanced down, then back at the Doctor and grinned. Well, now… “See something you like?”
“At ease, Captain.”
“I am at ease. I just don’t see any reason to fly the flag at half mast.”
The Doctor rolled his eyes, but before he could reply footsteps in the hallway heralded Rose’s return.
Jack quickly perched on the bed and gathered the blanket on his lap.
“Here you go.” Rose’s voice was had a slightly breathless quality that Jack found rather arousing. As though he needed to be any more aroused.
He watched her walk toward him carrying a bundle of clothes. He wasn’t quite sure why he did it, but he leaned back on his elbows and shifted slightly, leaving his groin covered but his flank bare.
Rose’s eyes darkened and a flush swept across her cheeks.
Hmm…I wonder how far the blush goes? I wonder if she’ll let me find out - or if the Doctor would let me. He glanced at the Doctor, then did a double-take at the glazed look on the Time Lord’s face. Well, now, this looks promising.
The Doctor suddenly clapped his hands together, breaking the sensual spell. “Right then. No time for lollygagging.”
Jack barely stopped himself from pouting.
Rose giggled slightly and handed Jack his clothes, but wouldn’t quite meet his eyes.
Unable to resist teasing her, Jack tried out his little boy grin. “You, know, Rose, I’m feeling a little weak. Maybe you could help me…”
At that moment, the lights flickered slightly, distracting everyone.
The Doctor cursed in a language the TARDIS refused to translate. “Get dressed, Jack. Time to get rid of our furry nuisance.”
Rose dropped the clothes on the bed. “But Doctor--”
The lights flickered. “No. He’s obviously gotten out again. If he stays there’s no telling how much damage he could do.” The Doctor gave Rose a small hug. “I promise, I won’t send him back to the lab.”
“I guess I better see if I can find him, then.”
Once Rose had gone, Jack sat up. “So, what are you going to do with the guinea pig?”
“It’s not actually a guinea pig, you know. It’s called--”
“I know, I know. The question is, what are you going to do with it?”
“Do you know why it was in the lab? The males have a high tolerance to pain and enough stamina to impregnate up to a dozen females at one go.”
They don’t know the half of it. “That’s why he’s there? To impregnate the females?” He shook out his jeans and slipped his legs into them.
“No - at least not entirely. The females, well, the hormones they produce when in heat have a psychotropic effect when injected.”
Jack paused in the act of pulling on his jeans. “They keep the females in heat so they can get high?”
“That about sums it up.”
“So where does the male come in?”
“Pain tolerance. He was being studied to figure out how much pain could be tolerated and how to transfer that ability to themselves.”
“Studied. You mean tortured.” Jack jammed his feet into his boots with more force than necessary. “Fine example of an advanced civilization, capturing and torturing innocent creatures.”
“Well, that’s the thing. The ones in the lab are it. The others were hunted to the brink of extinction. That’s why the panic when the male went missing. No male, no breeding.”
Jack and the Doctor looked at each other.
“So, Doc, what’s the plan?”
“A little break and enter and liberation of the oppressed.” The Doctor’s grin was filled with mischief.
“The usual, you mean.”
“For starters.”
“Starters?”
“Once this is all over I’ll let you make good on your promise.”
Promise? What promise?
The Doctor stared at Jack intently for a moment before grinning. “Right, let’s go.”
Jack pulled his T-shirt over his head and followed the Doctor, puzzling over what promise he could have made.
Several hours later, he stood between Rose and the Doctor and watched the furry refugees tentatively explore their new home. Breaking them out of the lab had been absurdly easy, as had the deletion of data gained by experimenting on the animals.
Rose took his hand and squeezed as the male began running around, sniffing and scratching at things. “He looks happy,” she said.
Jack cleared his throat. “Definitely better than a cage.”
The Doctor clapped him on the back. “Let’s let them settle in, then shall we?” When Jack hesitated, he added, “They’ll be fine. I promise. No predators, and their nearest neighbors are just over that rise. And they’re compatible.”
Jack laughed. “Okay. Let’s go.”
Rose called out “Bye, Little Jack. Be happy.” Little Jack looked up, twitched his nose at her and went back to exploring. “I’m going to miss him.”
The Doctor lightly tugged one of her braids. “He really will be fine. And so will my TARDIS now that no one is chewing on her circuits.”
She swatted his hand away. “Right. She’ll do so much better with someone randomly pulling the circuits out or hitting her with a mallet every so often.”
“Oi! I’ll have you no there is nothing random about my circuit pulling.”
“Oh, and I suppose you meant for the gravity to disappear when I was in the shower?”
Jack wrapped an arm around his two companions. “You two really are cute together.” He laughed at the twin looks of exasperation they sent him.
The Doctor opened the door and allowed Rose to enter first, and made to follow, but paused suddenly. He gave Jack a mock disappointed look. “You really don’t remember your promise, do you?”
Jack frantically tried to remember what he could possibly have promised the Doctor.
“Well, nevermind,” said the Doctor. “Good thing I’ve got such an amazing metabolism. My arse will heal just fine without your help.”
Your what? My help? What…oh. No. No way. He stared at the Time Lord in horror. When he’d been a guinea pig, he’d bitten the Doctor and promised...promised…
“You did promise to kiss it better,” the Doctor chided.
“You heard me. You knew what I was thinking the whole time…”
“Not entirely. But sometimes your thoughts were pretty clear.”
Jack stared at him in shock. Psychic? But that means - control my thoughts. Don’t think anything embarrassing.
“I’m not reading your thoughts. Oh really, Jack, the look on your face just then said what you were thinking.”
“You’re not psychic?”
“If you mean can I give you the winning lottery numbers or tell you where to find your missing dog, then no. Well, I could, but that’s a Time Lord thing.” The Doctor grinned. “The TARDIS however does get inside your head. That’s how she translates. And sometimes, I can pick up on things through that connection. She’s practically part of me, you know, so I’m connected to whoever she’s connected to.”
“So you can hear thoughts, then.”
“Not really. And I don’t particularly want to. But when you were in that other body, well, its mind doesn’t have the filters, if you will, that a human has.”
“Oh.”
“Doctor. Jack. Are you coming or are you planning to pitch a tent and stay awhile?”
The Doctor grinned at Jack as he walked past. “And really, don’t worry about my arse. I’ll be fine in no time. Although I won’t be sitting down any time soon. Not to mention what you did to my jeans.”
Jack grinned back at the Doctor. “Well, the offer still stands. I mean, if I promised, then I’ll live up to it. I’m a man of my word.”
“No, sorry. A little late now.”
“Another time, perhaps.”
“If you think I’m going to let you bite me again, you are sadly mistaken.”
“Not even a nibble?”
Rose looked up at that question. “A nibble of what?”
Jack walked up behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist. “You, my dear Rose. I wouldn’t mind nibbling on you.” He placed a kiss on her neck, making her giggle.
Annoyance laced the Doctor’s words, but there was indulgence in his eyes. “That’s enough out of you, Captain. Seems some of the rodent’s mating habits have remained in your personality. Perhaps neutering will help settle you down.”
Jack’s shout of outrage was drowned out by the sound of the dematerialization sequence.
~~~~ ~ ~~~~
Outside, a lone female stared at the disappearing box. Her nose twitched as she stared forlornly at the empty space. Slowly she ambled back to the male. He wasn’t the one she wanted, but as her hormones raced once more, she decided that he would just have to do.
-END-
If you are curious what could possibly have sparked this story… the answer is here. Thanks Cinco.
I knew I shouldn't have eaten those mushrooms....