Another Dream.
Last night I had a dream. It felt so terrifying and unsettling all at the same time. I remember being in a car with Joey, Joel, and Lara. I don't remember who was driving. I just know that I was in the passenger seat and Lara was directly behind me with the rear-view mirror pointing at her. I could see her reflection and her talking without actually looking at her. And there was some sort of strain on her face. Like there was something she wanted to say but couldn't. It was as if I was seeing her post-stroke and she was who she was after that (the stroke). She was still the same Lara, but it wasn't her communicably. She was much different in that sense. Something completely different then what I knew her to be. Then we got out of the car and I remember saying to her I knew that this was the last time I would see her. She said she knew it too. I hugged her. I cried. And I remember it being all too difficult to handle. After that I had a dream about the afterlife. I dreamed that I was standing on a big sand mountain with the water rushing up at me. I said that if this is what heaven is like then I won't be so scared. I woke up today not feeling any less than ordinary. The dream didn't exactly have a huge effect on my day, but now I journal it and I don't know what it means. Is this still her? Is she infiltrating my dreams in some hopes to ease my worry over her? I keep wondering, and I keep wishing. I hope she is okay. I hope that I see her. In a dream. Once again.