Five Dollars
Mom picked me up around 11.30 to drive me to the Uhaul place, then followed me to the apartment to help load the damned thing.
I'd thought my brother was taking this move extremely well but Mom, driving us to lunch, said that yesterday, after stopping by for a bit after school, Alex was sad. She said when they left our empty apartment, Alex told her, "I'll miss marc AND greg--tell them not to go." Then he cried.
There was a lot of shit to do today so I didn't have time to dwell on untidy endings. Tho the car's sold, the couch and love seat are taken care of, and everything's packed. I spent hours running around Florence, settling this or that loose end, and was read to have dinner at Dad's by 5.
Originally, it was to be just dad, my step-mom marilyn, Alex and me, but my stroked-out grandfather and two aunts were there as well. Which was fine. Tho i don't think my grandfather fully grasped the concept of what i'm doing--he just insisted i make sure that none of the yankees rob me blind. He loves me, tho. I think he knows I'll probably never see him again.
As with Mom's dinner sunday, dinner at Dad's seemed 'inadequate'... Mom had made chicken stew, and kept apologizing for it; dad had bought a crap-load of fried seafood from a specialty store 20 minutes outside of florence and kept apologizing for it (it's established that i never eat fried anything)... I hope both parents know that I didn't give a shit about the food.
Before dinner at dad's, I caught Alex alone. He was in his room, playing a video game. I sat down on the floor beside him and said, "Your task, when I'm in New York, is to look after mom."
"She's sad," he said.
"I know. And I'm sad too. Which is why i need you to look after her and dad because i'll be away."
"Okay," he said.
"I want to tell you two things."
"What."
"I love you very much and will always take your calls, your emails, your instant messages and anything else I need to take. And that I'm not abandoning you. You're important to me."
"Good."
"So relax."
(Alex, I should mention, has trouble sleeping alone, is terrified of the people he loves dying unexpectedly (and usually violently) and has had to deal with a lot of loss and grief in 11 years. I wanted to make it clear to Alex that, as the only constant in his life, I'm there for him whenever he needs me. He'd been getting better over the past few months but since The Move concept has set in, he's been falling into old habits.)
Later, after the fried food celebration, Alex and I played ping-pong in the basement. Dad joined us, as did Karen. Both Karen and Dad disappeared after a while (duty to Rex Grandfather called) and alex kicked my ass at more ping-pong. We started upstairs just as dad appeared on the landing to inform us that my grandfather was looking for us both... which could only mean that he was ready to leave.
It took about 20 minutes to get my grandfather from the living room to the garage (which contained a running car--i pointed out to dad that unless he wanted to kill the old man, he might want to open the garage door... I think dad might've been disappointed that i'd noticed the lethal potential). My gfatehr hugged me for a long time and, unknown to him, made me feel guilty for all the bad things i tend to say about him in this lj.
Pam, my dad's eldest sister, took the chance to call me out to her car. While everyone else concentrated on getting my gfather into my aunt Karen's car, Alex and I followed pam to her's. She gave me 40 bucks, which i tried to refuse but realized it was a token sum. "No, I want to contribute in some way," she said, and so i took the money, hugged her, thanked her. "And Alex, I bet i have some for you too." She disappeared back into her car and came out with a five, which she handed to alex. Alex grinned.
Later, finally, it was just Dad, Marilyn, Alex, me and Chipper (the dog) in the living room, watching 'American Idol'. I decided after AmIdol ended, I'd leave.
I put on my coat, hugged Alex, hugged Marilyn, and started for the door, knowing dad would follow and knowing I would cry when I had to say goodbye to him. Marilyn, knowing what was coming, hung back but alex charged at me, hugged me again, and tried to shake my hand--which contained the five dollar bill Pam had given him.
"Alex. I can't take this--put it in your piggy bank."
"You were supposed to shake my hand and take it!"
"Alex, really..."
Alex ran off to his bedroom, laughing, and so i tried to give the five dollars to dad. "Take it," Dad said. "It'll make him feel better."
There's not much else to tell. Dad hugged me and I started almost crying, then left. Both Dad and Mom--and Alex--will be here 2morrow to see Greg and I off, so it wasn't the final goodbye but the official one. And later, I went to Alan's and made my goodbyes to both him and to Curtis. And returned to our empty apartment, where greg's sleeping on the floor in the bedroom and i'm on the floor in the den typing this. And I've marked Alex's five dollar bill so i'll never spend it.
I'd thought my brother was taking this move extremely well but Mom, driving us to lunch, said that yesterday, after stopping by for a bit after school, Alex was sad. She said when they left our empty apartment, Alex told her, "I'll miss marc AND greg--tell them not to go." Then he cried.
There was a lot of shit to do today so I didn't have time to dwell on untidy endings. Tho the car's sold, the couch and love seat are taken care of, and everything's packed. I spent hours running around Florence, settling this or that loose end, and was read to have dinner at Dad's by 5.
Originally, it was to be just dad, my step-mom marilyn, Alex and me, but my stroked-out grandfather and two aunts were there as well. Which was fine. Tho i don't think my grandfather fully grasped the concept of what i'm doing--he just insisted i make sure that none of the yankees rob me blind. He loves me, tho. I think he knows I'll probably never see him again.
As with Mom's dinner sunday, dinner at Dad's seemed 'inadequate'... Mom had made chicken stew, and kept apologizing for it; dad had bought a crap-load of fried seafood from a specialty store 20 minutes outside of florence and kept apologizing for it (it's established that i never eat fried anything)... I hope both parents know that I didn't give a shit about the food.
Before dinner at dad's, I caught Alex alone. He was in his room, playing a video game. I sat down on the floor beside him and said, "Your task, when I'm in New York, is to look after mom."
"She's sad," he said.
"I know. And I'm sad too. Which is why i need you to look after her and dad because i'll be away."
"Okay," he said.
"I want to tell you two things."
"What."
"I love you very much and will always take your calls, your emails, your instant messages and anything else I need to take. And that I'm not abandoning you. You're important to me."
"Good."
"So relax."
(Alex, I should mention, has trouble sleeping alone, is terrified of the people he loves dying unexpectedly (and usually violently) and has had to deal with a lot of loss and grief in 11 years. I wanted to make it clear to Alex that, as the only constant in his life, I'm there for him whenever he needs me. He'd been getting better over the past few months but since The Move concept has set in, he's been falling into old habits.)
Later, after the fried food celebration, Alex and I played ping-pong in the basement. Dad joined us, as did Karen. Both Karen and Dad disappeared after a while (duty to Rex Grandfather called) and alex kicked my ass at more ping-pong. We started upstairs just as dad appeared on the landing to inform us that my grandfather was looking for us both... which could only mean that he was ready to leave.
It took about 20 minutes to get my grandfather from the living room to the garage (which contained a running car--i pointed out to dad that unless he wanted to kill the old man, he might want to open the garage door... I think dad might've been disappointed that i'd noticed the lethal potential). My gfatehr hugged me for a long time and, unknown to him, made me feel guilty for all the bad things i tend to say about him in this lj.
Pam, my dad's eldest sister, took the chance to call me out to her car. While everyone else concentrated on getting my gfather into my aunt Karen's car, Alex and I followed pam to her's. She gave me 40 bucks, which i tried to refuse but realized it was a token sum. "No, I want to contribute in some way," she said, and so i took the money, hugged her, thanked her. "And Alex, I bet i have some for you too." She disappeared back into her car and came out with a five, which she handed to alex. Alex grinned.
Later, finally, it was just Dad, Marilyn, Alex, me and Chipper (the dog) in the living room, watching 'American Idol'. I decided after AmIdol ended, I'd leave.
I put on my coat, hugged Alex, hugged Marilyn, and started for the door, knowing dad would follow and knowing I would cry when I had to say goodbye to him. Marilyn, knowing what was coming, hung back but alex charged at me, hugged me again, and tried to shake my hand--which contained the five dollar bill Pam had given him.
"Alex. I can't take this--put it in your piggy bank."
"You were supposed to shake my hand and take it!"
"Alex, really..."
Alex ran off to his bedroom, laughing, and so i tried to give the five dollars to dad. "Take it," Dad said. "It'll make him feel better."
There's not much else to tell. Dad hugged me and I started almost crying, then left. Both Dad and Mom--and Alex--will be here 2morrow to see Greg and I off, so it wasn't the final goodbye but the official one. And later, I went to Alan's and made my goodbyes to both him and to Curtis. And returned to our empty apartment, where greg's sleeping on the floor in the bedroom and i'm on the floor in the den typing this. And I've marked Alex's five dollar bill so i'll never spend it.