what shuts you up pretty quickly.

[trendy_as_fuck]

we shared oxygen and conversation and eventually saliva. it was a charming day & my task was accomplished early on, which meant more time to "catch up". and the lines that were never drawn were crossed again, just like the last time. i think it could be quite possible that we're both making the biggest mistake of our lives, and i think we're both very much aware of that possibility. so i've asked everyone i know if they think it really is possible to marry someone you don't love. they all say yes.

i guess i just can't imagine being stuck in a relationship that i am forced to settle for. that's no way to live. but, so far, all i've felt is that i've been settling. not necessarily for less than i deserve, just for less than what truly makes me happy. but then i think that maybe that one period of happiness in my life was just a rare fluke-- maybe it was the kind of happiness that wasn't supposed to last my whole life anyway.

but, regardless, yesterday made me really happy. a sensible kind of happy that unfortunately made me the lame goonie tonight who didn't feel like driving down a closed road. i don't know if it can really be put into words.

so now, what is he thinking? and most importantly, what do i do about the situation here?