This one goes out to all the cabbies out there.
This is an old story, but I need to write it down somewhere before I forget:
I've been to Osaka about 3 or 4 times. On my most recent visit I was with Rotary and we were staying at some extremely cheap hotel downtown, everyone in single rooms. They had a security guard posted in the front lobby, and only one entrance/exit. It was the last night of our trip covering Hiroshima, Himeji and Osaka and we all kinda wanted to go out with a bang. Every time I've been to Osaka I've left my hotel around 10 and didn't get back in till 6am or 9am so I figured I knew downtown Osaka pretty well, so I drew a map of downtown Osaka for the guys and told them where the good bars were at. It was some kind of special night, cause it was on April Fool's, so people were carrying each other from bar to bar on stretchers getting impossibly drunk. The guys thought this was hilarious and thanked me for the map. They left the hotel around 10:45 or so and got back around 3am.
When I left, however around 12am, I had intentions of going to a huge gay disco that I'd been to before. It wasn't that great the first time but a guy I knew was gonna be there so I went. It was pretty good, when I got there it was packed, hardly enough room to think. Smoke, lights, techno music. About 1/2 the club Japanese, half the club foreign (Most of the forieners were huge twinks and not attractive at all).
I met up with my friend, but to my GREAT surprise I was being pulled around by a few guys. They were all attractive, so it wasn't like I was complaining but I'm not used to having that much attention on me. Anyways, Me and my friend danced, I met his friends, we played a drinking game (Corona is disgusting.) and I bought my own drinks besides.
The club closed around 5 or 6am and I had to find my way back to my hotel. I hailed a cab. I thought "this guy, is gonna fuck with me so bad" considering I was more drunk than I'd possibly ever been without throwing up or passing out. On my way into the cab, I whacked my head off the roof. I dropped my Louis Vuitton on the floor like 9 times, checking to makesure I had enough cab fare in change. I fell out of my seat laughing hysterically after every turn or red light.
Thankfully, the cab driver was an honest man and took me to where I told him. Well, he would have if I weren't such a dumbass. My hotel had a big blue flourescent sign on the top of it, that can be seen from miles. The moment that sign came into view I said
"HERES FINE". He didn't uderstand so I said it in Japanese. He tried to argue with me and said that we weren't even close yet, but I thought he was trying to pull one over on me and said "I need the walk". He shrugged, pulled over at the next intersection, charged me 6.60 and sped off. I instantly realized, the poor old fucker was right! I was in a part of town I didn't even know... I could see the hotel in the distance, but it was far. I have to take this moment and tell everyone - cab drivers really aren't all old farts who want to prize you from your money by driving slow, talking to much or accidently taking wrong turns.
I started my walk home, sort of just going straight. I saw the sun come up, which was nice. I dunno if anyone's ever been out all night in a club and then walked home as the sun was coming up. It was lovely. I see some familiar signs, a Starbucks, a Family Mart, a Yakitori resturant and I figure out where I am. I take a left and kind of scale the wall like a burgler, my back flat against the wall, my head turned to the side, my arms out straight, trying to slip around a corner and up the fire escape so the security guard didn't see me.
Now, the origional escape plan was thought up by Mike, because there was a fire escape running along all our windows and down to the ground. It wasn't locked, you just had to press a switch called "Emergecny Release". They tried it once, and no alarm went off so they decided it was safe. After they left, a Security guard started patrolling the floors and we called the guys on their cell and said that when they get back, just to call us before they come up so we'll make sure the door is open. The call idea was mine.
So, here I am, about to go up the fire escape. I call Bryan on his cellphone. Dominique had leant me hers for the plan to work. Bryan picks up, he said he doesnt know how to open the door. I was so pissed. I said
"All you have to do is press that switch"....
"What switch"
"The one that says Press This"
"I don't know if I should"
"Bryan are you drunk?"
"A little"
"Open the fucking door, I'm coming up"
"I'm going back to bed. Call me when you get here."
he hung up on me. I open the emergency escape NOT KNOWING that there was actually a silent alarm attatched to it. I get to the fire escape on the 5th floor, where I was staying, I whip out my cell. I call Bryan. Not picking up. I call Mike, not picking up. I call everyone else. Not picking up. I called Bryan again but before I could even press the send button I feel someone grab me by the arm and drag me down the stairs, cursing at me in violent Japanese.
This is it, I'm caught, I'm going back to Canada, they're going to spank me.
When I get into the lobby, the BITCH at the front desk shakes her head at me, picks up the phone and calls the head Rotarian in his room and tells him to "get down her now. One of yours just got caught breaking and entering."
You'd think the wench could show some compassion... Here I am, so drunk I can barely stand, just in from a long night of dry humping on the dance floor and all I want is 2 hours sleep before we go home.
They put me in a chair and start yelling at me and ask why I broke into another guest's room. Another guest's room? I didn't break in. It was weird, they were asking why I was on the 6th floor, if I had any weapons on me, what was my motive, if they should call the police. I was freaking out. I tried to remain calm and appear sober, yet tired.
"I didn't break in. I only made it to the 5th floor before you took me down. I have no idea what you're talking about". I said this in English and somehow they udnerstood me. They told me they had a footprint at the crime scene and they were going to test me.
Before I got a chance to say anything else, Mr.Kanamori, the Rotarian came down, looking surprinsgly calm. This guy is really not a very lieanant guy... total hardass. Very nice, but a hardass. I was surprised he didn't come running down in his Pj's and say
"what the fuck were you thinking!?"
Fortunately, he looked very calm and spoke in Japanese to the security guard. I managed to make most of it out and apparently there had been several breechs on the fire escape tonight and there was a break in on the 6th floor. Someone had climbed in someone elses window, and only got to the bed, before the other tenant came out of the bathroom and saw them. They ran but left a visable footprint on the bedsheet.
Now, I didn't do this, so I thought if worse came to worse I just confess I went out clubbing and I'd have people to give me an alabi. I'd be sent home, but I wouldnt be charged with any criminal activity.
THANKFULLY they called the "victim" down to the lobby, he sat in the corner and was questioned by the security guard and apparently cleared me and said "thats not the guy." They called down all the guys on my floor and I found out then, from a quick blurb from Mike when he sat next to me what actually happened. Apparently, when they came home, they went up one flight too many. They were going to go back down the stairs but heard the security guard running up the fire escape so they looked around and just jumped in the nearest window. THe room looked empty, so they were about to go out the front door or something when the guest stepped out of the bathroom and saw them. They jumped out the window, and by this time the security guard had gone up to the next flight and they had enough time to make it back to their rooms without being caught.
Apparnetly when I tried to sneak in they assumed I was the burgler at another attempt. Thankfully the guys pleaded guilty - sort of. The way the story went was that they had to go to the convience store to get some things and went up the fire escape, went in the wrong room, left and went back to theirs. I, being a habitual insomniac couldn't sleep and decided I just needed to go take a walk and see the sun come up. I walked around downtown Umeda and decided I should get back so I had enough time to get ready. I tried to go up the fire escape cause I was too embaressed to go in the front door and here we are.
The "victim" said he understood and didnt want to press chargers. We apologized to him sincerely,and the hotel staff and were sent to bed without so much as a slap on the wrist.
HOWS THAT.
I've been to Osaka about 3 or 4 times. On my most recent visit I was with Rotary and we were staying at some extremely cheap hotel downtown, everyone in single rooms. They had a security guard posted in the front lobby, and only one entrance/exit. It was the last night of our trip covering Hiroshima, Himeji and Osaka and we all kinda wanted to go out with a bang. Every time I've been to Osaka I've left my hotel around 10 and didn't get back in till 6am or 9am so I figured I knew downtown Osaka pretty well, so I drew a map of downtown Osaka for the guys and told them where the good bars were at. It was some kind of special night, cause it was on April Fool's, so people were carrying each other from bar to bar on stretchers getting impossibly drunk. The guys thought this was hilarious and thanked me for the map. They left the hotel around 10:45 or so and got back around 3am.
When I left, however around 12am, I had intentions of going to a huge gay disco that I'd been to before. It wasn't that great the first time but a guy I knew was gonna be there so I went. It was pretty good, when I got there it was packed, hardly enough room to think. Smoke, lights, techno music. About 1/2 the club Japanese, half the club foreign (Most of the forieners were huge twinks and not attractive at all).
I met up with my friend, but to my GREAT surprise I was being pulled around by a few guys. They were all attractive, so it wasn't like I was complaining but I'm not used to having that much attention on me. Anyways, Me and my friend danced, I met his friends, we played a drinking game (Corona is disgusting.) and I bought my own drinks besides.
The club closed around 5 or 6am and I had to find my way back to my hotel. I hailed a cab. I thought "this guy, is gonna fuck with me so bad" considering I was more drunk than I'd possibly ever been without throwing up or passing out. On my way into the cab, I whacked my head off the roof. I dropped my Louis Vuitton on the floor like 9 times, checking to makesure I had enough cab fare in change. I fell out of my seat laughing hysterically after every turn or red light.
Thankfully, the cab driver was an honest man and took me to where I told him. Well, he would have if I weren't such a dumbass. My hotel had a big blue flourescent sign on the top of it, that can be seen from miles. The moment that sign came into view I said
"HERES FINE". He didn't uderstand so I said it in Japanese. He tried to argue with me and said that we weren't even close yet, but I thought he was trying to pull one over on me and said "I need the walk". He shrugged, pulled over at the next intersection, charged me 6.60 and sped off. I instantly realized, the poor old fucker was right! I was in a part of town I didn't even know... I could see the hotel in the distance, but it was far. I have to take this moment and tell everyone - cab drivers really aren't all old farts who want to prize you from your money by driving slow, talking to much or accidently taking wrong turns.
I started my walk home, sort of just going straight. I saw the sun come up, which was nice. I dunno if anyone's ever been out all night in a club and then walked home as the sun was coming up. It was lovely. I see some familiar signs, a Starbucks, a Family Mart, a Yakitori resturant and I figure out where I am. I take a left and kind of scale the wall like a burgler, my back flat against the wall, my head turned to the side, my arms out straight, trying to slip around a corner and up the fire escape so the security guard didn't see me.
Now, the origional escape plan was thought up by Mike, because there was a fire escape running along all our windows and down to the ground. It wasn't locked, you just had to press a switch called "Emergecny Release". They tried it once, and no alarm went off so they decided it was safe. After they left, a Security guard started patrolling the floors and we called the guys on their cell and said that when they get back, just to call us before they come up so we'll make sure the door is open. The call idea was mine.
So, here I am, about to go up the fire escape. I call Bryan on his cellphone. Dominique had leant me hers for the plan to work. Bryan picks up, he said he doesnt know how to open the door. I was so pissed. I said
"All you have to do is press that switch"....
"What switch"
"The one that says Press This"
"I don't know if I should"
"Bryan are you drunk?"
"A little"
"Open the fucking door, I'm coming up"
"I'm going back to bed. Call me when you get here."
he hung up on me. I open the emergency escape NOT KNOWING that there was actually a silent alarm attatched to it. I get to the fire escape on the 5th floor, where I was staying, I whip out my cell. I call Bryan. Not picking up. I call Mike, not picking up. I call everyone else. Not picking up. I called Bryan again but before I could even press the send button I feel someone grab me by the arm and drag me down the stairs, cursing at me in violent Japanese.
This is it, I'm caught, I'm going back to Canada, they're going to spank me.
When I get into the lobby, the BITCH at the front desk shakes her head at me, picks up the phone and calls the head Rotarian in his room and tells him to "get down her now. One of yours just got caught breaking and entering."
You'd think the wench could show some compassion... Here I am, so drunk I can barely stand, just in from a long night of dry humping on the dance floor and all I want is 2 hours sleep before we go home.
They put me in a chair and start yelling at me and ask why I broke into another guest's room. Another guest's room? I didn't break in. It was weird, they were asking why I was on the 6th floor, if I had any weapons on me, what was my motive, if they should call the police. I was freaking out. I tried to remain calm and appear sober, yet tired.
"I didn't break in. I only made it to the 5th floor before you took me down. I have no idea what you're talking about". I said this in English and somehow they udnerstood me. They told me they had a footprint at the crime scene and they were going to test me.
Before I got a chance to say anything else, Mr.Kanamori, the Rotarian came down, looking surprinsgly calm. This guy is really not a very lieanant guy... total hardass. Very nice, but a hardass. I was surprised he didn't come running down in his Pj's and say
"what the fuck were you thinking!?"
Fortunately, he looked very calm and spoke in Japanese to the security guard. I managed to make most of it out and apparently there had been several breechs on the fire escape tonight and there was a break in on the 6th floor. Someone had climbed in someone elses window, and only got to the bed, before the other tenant came out of the bathroom and saw them. They ran but left a visable footprint on the bedsheet.
Now, I didn't do this, so I thought if worse came to worse I just confess I went out clubbing and I'd have people to give me an alabi. I'd be sent home, but I wouldnt be charged with any criminal activity.
THANKFULLY they called the "victim" down to the lobby, he sat in the corner and was questioned by the security guard and apparently cleared me and said "thats not the guy." They called down all the guys on my floor and I found out then, from a quick blurb from Mike when he sat next to me what actually happened. Apparently, when they came home, they went up one flight too many. They were going to go back down the stairs but heard the security guard running up the fire escape so they looked around and just jumped in the nearest window. THe room looked empty, so they were about to go out the front door or something when the guest stepped out of the bathroom and saw them. They jumped out the window, and by this time the security guard had gone up to the next flight and they had enough time to make it back to their rooms without being caught.
Apparnetly when I tried to sneak in they assumed I was the burgler at another attempt. Thankfully the guys pleaded guilty - sort of. The way the story went was that they had to go to the convience store to get some things and went up the fire escape, went in the wrong room, left and went back to theirs. I, being a habitual insomniac couldn't sleep and decided I just needed to go take a walk and see the sun come up. I walked around downtown Umeda and decided I should get back so I had enough time to get ready. I tried to go up the fire escape cause I was too embaressed to go in the front door and here we are.
The "victim" said he understood and didnt want to press chargers. We apologized to him sincerely,and the hotel staff and were sent to bed without so much as a slap on the wrist.
HOWS THAT.