(no subject)
Another fucking year by Josiah.
or if I was 19 so this shit would all be over.
what shit? Why 19?
life.
Not 19 the number, but 19 to suggest that by that time. This shit will be over.
Basically. Yes.
how can I say that when I have so many adventures ahread of myself?
Because I'm not that type of person
I'm not optimistic?
I can't just wait for something exciting to happen
I have to do it.
fly by the seat of my pants.
so do it?
No no no
what am I waiting for?
I mean, I hate sitting here at a computer
going to school every day
playing volleyball
coming home, staring at my bedroom ceiling and thinking of the boyfriend I might to someday have.
Like, I'm stuck in limbo. Life is fucking slow. I hate it so much
I like when I go travelling and I wake up every day in a new place.
You know what the most depressing thing in the world is?
that I have another year of this shit
of course, it wont be like this, cause next year I'm gonna be really busy. But I have to go back to my home.
and I dont want to do that, not one bit.
My parents hate each other. My dad tells all his friends the only reason he isnt divorcing my mom and walking out on us is because he loves my sister too much
oww man...
My brother is just difficult, my Sister is pretty much as useless as an asshole on my elbow and I live in the middle of nowhere. I have to go back.
to living with nowhere to go and nobody to hang out with, 7 days a week for 10 months straight
to seeing my mom work 2 jobs and crying and sleeping in her downtime, while my dad has no job and pretends like he has some little smidgeon of a say on how things work
I have to go back to going to school 5 days a week, doing my homework, going on msn and going to sleep
I will not travel, I will not meet new people. I won't go shopping and I probably won't leave the house for much else than the check the mail or go see a movie
I have another year, of that shit
Oh Josiah, you drama Q-U-double E-N.
and I hate
hate
HATE
when people pretend like they know what its like for me.
when people tell me, its not that bad. Because it is. It really is
Not a day goes by, in my room back in Nova Scotia
where I dont think about dragging a razor across my wrist, just because it would be something new
I feel like I am imprisoned. Imagine not being able to leave your room. Imagine your family always fighting. Imagine being -gay- and not being able to talk about it
oh my god.
imagine having a boyfriend you can never see because you live in the woods. Imagine having a boyfriend and never being able to talk about how wonderful he is
because nobody fucking cares enough to hear it
I have
another year
of that
shit.
and I can't belive my mother, my brother and my sister
have the fucking nerve to call me selfish for wanting to move out.
why another year? what happens after a year??
After a year? I go to Australia... or something.
I start my own life. Or something.
I think about this every day I sit here in Japan
Because my town, Togi
is so fucking small
and I hate it, so sometimes I feel like I want to go home
but I think "haha. My home is 10x worse than this"
i dont know what to do?
there is nothing you can do.
There is nothing I can do.
another
fucking
year
of this
shit.
Life is like staring at the clock in Biology class, praying to god the pain is over soon.
only to find that you have math next.
not math
double math.
And there is not a goddamn Jesus thing
anyone can do about it.
Whitey, out.
or if I was 19 so this shit would all be over.
what shit? Why 19?
life.
Not 19 the number, but 19 to suggest that by that time. This shit will be over.
Basically. Yes.
how can I say that when I have so many adventures ahread of myself?
Because I'm not that type of person
I'm not optimistic?
I can't just wait for something exciting to happen
I have to do it.
fly by the seat of my pants.
so do it?
No no no
what am I waiting for?
I mean, I hate sitting here at a computer
going to school every day
playing volleyball
coming home, staring at my bedroom ceiling and thinking of the boyfriend I might to someday have.
Like, I'm stuck in limbo. Life is fucking slow. I hate it so much
I like when I go travelling and I wake up every day in a new place.
You know what the most depressing thing in the world is?
that I have another year of this shit
of course, it wont be like this, cause next year I'm gonna be really busy. But I have to go back to my home.
and I dont want to do that, not one bit.
My parents hate each other. My dad tells all his friends the only reason he isnt divorcing my mom and walking out on us is because he loves my sister too much
oww man...
My brother is just difficult, my Sister is pretty much as useless as an asshole on my elbow and I live in the middle of nowhere. I have to go back.
to living with nowhere to go and nobody to hang out with, 7 days a week for 10 months straight
to seeing my mom work 2 jobs and crying and sleeping in her downtime, while my dad has no job and pretends like he has some little smidgeon of a say on how things work
I have to go back to going to school 5 days a week, doing my homework, going on msn and going to sleep
I will not travel, I will not meet new people. I won't go shopping and I probably won't leave the house for much else than the check the mail or go see a movie
I have another year, of that shit
Oh Josiah, you drama Q-U-double E-N.
and I hate
hate
HATE
when people pretend like they know what its like for me.
when people tell me, its not that bad. Because it is. It really is
Not a day goes by, in my room back in Nova Scotia
where I dont think about dragging a razor across my wrist, just because it would be something new
I feel like I am imprisoned. Imagine not being able to leave your room. Imagine your family always fighting. Imagine being -gay- and not being able to talk about it
oh my god.
imagine having a boyfriend you can never see because you live in the woods. Imagine having a boyfriend and never being able to talk about how wonderful he is
because nobody fucking cares enough to hear it
I have
another year
of that
shit.
and I can't belive my mother, my brother and my sister
have the fucking nerve to call me selfish for wanting to move out.
why another year? what happens after a year??
After a year? I go to Australia... or something.
I start my own life. Or something.
I think about this every day I sit here in Japan
Because my town, Togi
is so fucking small
and I hate it, so sometimes I feel like I want to go home
but I think "haha. My home is 10x worse than this"
i dont know what to do?
there is nothing you can do.
There is nothing I can do.
another
fucking
year
of this
shit.
Life is like staring at the clock in Biology class, praying to god the pain is over soon.
only to find that you have math next.
not math
double math.
And there is not a goddamn Jesus thing
anyone can do about it.
Whitey, out.