(no subject)
*sigh*... Well i almost ended up single last night... Terri and I started out having a pretty good day.. but when it came down to us going out last night everything went to shit.. basicly we had a fight the week before about me going out and leaving her at home.. so this week i decide that we should go out for our friends bday and i'd treat her out (to make up for the week earlyer) though THIS week she doesn't really want to go.. and i'm baiscly like "WTF" you wine and ruin my night out last week and this week you don't want to go. Anyways, on top of that we get into a bit of a fight about Josie (to those who don't know, she was our best friend until Terri and I broke up and i dated her while we were apart)... She's been txt msging me lately and I've msged back.. basicly just been chatting once and awhile through our phones. She asked me to meet up with her one day and i turned her down.. Terri read my msgs on my Cell phone and found this out.. she wasn't to pleased.. and i tryed to explain that there's nothing between us.. i just would like to talk to my friend again.. since i miss having her around as a friend.. unfortunatly Terri wants nothing to do with her anymore (understandably.. but i do wish they could be friends again).... this argument continues all the way till we get downtown.... her and i have little spats on the street until we get to around Spadina where the shit hits the fan and Terri tells me she doesn't think she can handle being with me anymore.. the pain of knowing Josie and I slept together is to much for her.. and she hands me the ring back.. Well honestly i don't remember exactly what was said over the course of the next two hours all i can really remember is begging for her to take me back and to give me a chance to make up for the whole Josie thing..... after about 2 hours out in the cold we were shivering our asses off and end up in a Mcdonalds.. where we have a chance to warm up, sit down and talk a bit more... some how when i think things are completley over Terri says.. .'I'll give it a try" and we end up staying together.. I give her back her ring and things are ok now.. (but still a bit shakey.. since we were on the street i didn't really want to cry.. so i kept everything inside so i'm feeling a bit drained right now)... I'm so glad she decided to stay with me.. though i never felt so helpless in all my life.... how does one make up for something they did in the past... If you fuck up by chatting with someone or looking at nude pics or whatever.. .you can promiss to stop doing it and try to do so.. but when its something that hurts Terri this bad and I can't imagine how she feels its impossible to comprimise on... I felt so helpless in the situation and thats what hurt... in the past i was always DOING something wrong and it was never as hurtfull to Terri as this.. *sigh*.. i just hope and pray that she finds it in her heart to forgive me.. and hope she can give me that trust back again at some point...because i never want to have another night like had last night again.