(no subject)
What the fuck am I doing? Somewhere between summer and now, I lost control of the present. Everything is spinning, and the sunlight glare hurts my eyes. I was supposed to apply to college a month ago. The deadline is in 30 days. I haven't done a thing. I was supposed to be keeping up with schoolwork, but I am letting everything slip like water through my calloused hands. All of that seems pointless now. I feel like I am running out of time. I am running out of life...
But I've substituted the guarentee of a happy, suburban, middle-upper class life with a life of dreams and endless possibilities and love, and love, and love. I love her, but I can't touch her or see her at all. I ache with every whisper through the telephone as it connects us, somehow, with such a complete clarity, more than I've ever felt holding anybody else in my arms.
Do I believe in the stars alignment? Do I believe in fate? Do I believe in God? and the prayers I let slip from my lips every night, facing the north, hoping it would go farther than just the rosary I've hung on the wall?
It's Halloween, and I'm scaring myself into believeing I will always be alone. I will always be alone, listening to my sad music.
But I've substituted the guarentee of a happy, suburban, middle-upper class life with a life of dreams and endless possibilities and love, and love, and love. I love her, but I can't touch her or see her at all. I ache with every whisper through the telephone as it connects us, somehow, with such a complete clarity, more than I've ever felt holding anybody else in my arms.
Do I believe in the stars alignment? Do I believe in fate? Do I believe in God? and the prayers I let slip from my lips every night, facing the north, hoping it would go farther than just the rosary I've hung on the wall?
It's Halloween, and I'm scaring myself into believeing I will always be alone. I will always be alone, listening to my sad music.