Ventage
Had a bit of a stressful day today.
-At some point decided that I want to open a pet store, rather than do what I'm doing anymore (because it sucks. see below)
-my car was hit while I was in it by some dumb chick in the parking lot of Staples in Tigard - the closest place that carries the printer cartriges needed @ work. I (uncharacteristically) jumped out and screamed at the lady, which felt pretty good.
-was nearly a casualty of a several car pileup on the way back from Tigard. Had one of those slow-mo moments where I weighed whether or not to slam into the back of the dumbass in front of me, or careen into oncoming traffic. Luckily, the Explorers brakes are decent & I stopped before either occured. The cars in front of me were not so lucky. Whew!
-In the process of this, my back spasmed & now is aching all down my left leg, despite the hot tub & stretching
-Arrived home to find one of my turtles (not the formerly sick one but another quite healthy one) covered in blood coming from who knows where. Looks like her mouth. WTF dude!? She's taking a bath so I can evaluate the damage, but looks good with no obvious injuries. I wonder what she fell on, bit, or was bitten by...
Otherwise, after reading that article about the Buddhist author (see last entry), I've realized that it is a choice to go into the stinky lions den each day, and incur the abuse & frustration that I do...That, at any time, I can make the decision NOT to step in there. I realized that, despite my skills & technique, if the company stays the way it is now, I will never feel like an expert, or even a master at my job. It's not in me, and it's not in the job. And for me, mastery is intimately tied to confidence, inthat if I keep practicing and trying and working hard, eventually I will have enough confidence to make my own decisions without tapping an external source for approval. This is not happening for me, and shows no signs of ever happening in this job. So I'm starting the long road to learning how to start/run/own a business. Despite the pitfalls of business ownership, which I have seen in detail, at least I'll be working the long hours with little pay for things I love, not for someone else, or for a silly paycheck, or for "experience" that doesn't seem worth it anymore.
-At some point decided that I want to open a pet store, rather than do what I'm doing anymore (because it sucks. see below)
-my car was hit while I was in it by some dumb chick in the parking lot of Staples in Tigard - the closest place that carries the printer cartriges needed @ work. I (uncharacteristically) jumped out and screamed at the lady, which felt pretty good.
-was nearly a casualty of a several car pileup on the way back from Tigard. Had one of those slow-mo moments where I weighed whether or not to slam into the back of the dumbass in front of me, or careen into oncoming traffic. Luckily, the Explorers brakes are decent & I stopped before either occured. The cars in front of me were not so lucky. Whew!
-In the process of this, my back spasmed & now is aching all down my left leg, despite the hot tub & stretching
-Arrived home to find one of my turtles (not the formerly sick one but another quite healthy one) covered in blood coming from who knows where. Looks like her mouth. WTF dude!? She's taking a bath so I can evaluate the damage, but looks good with no obvious injuries. I wonder what she fell on, bit, or was bitten by...
Otherwise, after reading that article about the Buddhist author (see last entry), I've realized that it is a choice to go into the stinky lions den each day, and incur the abuse & frustration that I do...That, at any time, I can make the decision NOT to step in there. I realized that, despite my skills & technique, if the company stays the way it is now, I will never feel like an expert, or even a master at my job. It's not in me, and it's not in the job. And for me, mastery is intimately tied to confidence, inthat if I keep practicing and trying and working hard, eventually I will have enough confidence to make my own decisions without tapping an external source for approval. This is not happening for me, and shows no signs of ever happening in this job. So I'm starting the long road to learning how to start/run/own a business. Despite the pitfalls of business ownership, which I have seen in detail, at least I'll be working the long hours with little pay for things I love, not for someone else, or for a silly paycheck, or for "experience" that doesn't seem worth it anymore.