Fic for b_dsaint: "Tribble Out of Water"
It's not midnight yet -- I know this is cutting it close, for which I really apologize.
Author's name: youngcurmudgeon
Written for: b_dsaint
Pairing/characters: Hints of Kirk/McCoy and Spock/Uhura
Rating: PG-13.
Warnings: Away mission injuries, cross-dressing, Leonard McCoy's vocabulary.
Disclaimer: If this were mine, there'd have been a musical episode.
Notes: This isn't as explicitly shippy as I wanted to write, but I hope you enjoy it anyway!
"I won't do it and that's final," said McCoy flatly.
"Bones, will you just -- hang on." Kirk bent over, and started to take off his boot. Hopping in place, he wriggled it back and forth until it came off of his foot. He turned it upside down and shook it.
A tribble fell out.
"I thought I felt something in there," he said in satisfaction.
McCoy glared. "Are you done? Can I go back to doing my work now?" He brushed past Kirk and began scanning the padd on the counter.
"Bones, I'm not asking." Kirk finished putting on his boot and regarded McCoy with a serious look on his face. "I'm ordering you to produce the serum."
"I won't do it, Captain. Throw me in the brig for insubordination if you have to, but I won't be an accessory to murder, and that's what you're asking me to do."
"You told me yourself, it doesn't kill them if you administer it correctly."
"And how many of your hamfisted security officers will be able to administer it correctly?" McCoy glared at Kirk with all his might. "Do you know what happens to a Saurian that ingests too much protein? First they can't breathe. Then their lungs start to fill with blood as their hearts try to clear the airways. The body temperature drops. The limbs begin to retract into the body. Sorry, Jim, but there's no way I'm letting anyone on the away team near the serum."
Kirk stared at McCoy for a moment, before lowering himself into a chair. "Who would you trust to do it?"
"Don't try that on me, Jim. You're not getting any of my staff to go down there either."
"You think I'd willingly put you, or anyone else on this ship, in danger?" Kirk said, putting a hand on McCoy's arm. "You know I wouldn't do that."
"Of course not. Why put anyone else in danger when there's a chance you could get yourself killed? Dammit, Jim," McCoy snapped, "Do you ever think about what's gonna happen on the day I can't fix you back up?"
Kirk tightened his hold on McCoy and pressed his lips together. He stared up at McCoy, eyes resolute.
"Bones," said Kirk quietly, "we need to do this. We have to. The Saurians are the only ones who have the Galenol emitters that will stop the tribbles from reproducing."
"There's got to be another way! We can't save ourselves by wiping out an entire lab of scientists who've done nothing except protect their research. What does that make us?"
"I don't want to wipe them out! I just want to get a Galenol emitter so we can stop the tribbles from taking over the ship. Now, I can do that without killing the Saurians, if you help me. If you don't, I'll have to send my hamfisted security officers down. So. Who do you trust to administer the serum?"
~~~
"I still don't understand how I was dragged into this," said Uhura as she and Chapel walked down the corridor towards the briefing room.
"Doctor McCoy thinks you'll be able to administer a dose that will incapacitate the Saurian scientists without killing them," said Chapel as she checked her phaser.
"Based on what, exactly? My long and storied history of successful medical aid? Or, for that matter, my glorious away mission experience?"
"Honestly? The fact that you're a woman and not an idiot. The Saurians won't let any men near their labs, but ... well, Doctor McCoy seems to think most of our female security officers won't be able to dose the guards without giving them too much of the serum."
"So you're telling me I'm going on this away mission because I'm delicate enough?" There was an edge to Uhura's voice.
"I think it's more that he's seen how you deal cards," said Chapel.
Uhura raised an eyebrow. "And that's sufficient experience for not killing people?"
"The Saurians' blood flow is very particular," Chapel explained as they reached the shuttle bay doors. "I'll take you through the injection procedure, but it really just takes a light touch with a hypospray."
"Which is what Doctor McCoy is known for, of course."
Chapel grinned. "Now do you see why he asked for you?"
McCoy and Sulu were waiting for them outside the briefing room.
"Right, let's get this over with," said McCoy. I don't want to spend any more time than I have to waiting for you two to get past those guards. I'll give you the rundown now, and we'll practice injections in the shuttle. Now skedaddle!"
Uhura looked at Sulu. "What's with him?"
Sulu shrugged. "Don't look at me. I don't even know why I'm on this mission. Technically, you and Chapel are the only ones who can get near the lab, and McCoy's cleared for flight status."
"Cleared is one thing," put in Chapel. "Doing it without the captain to keep him calm? That's an entirely different kind of flying, altogether. Trust me, Sulu, it's safer this way."
"Not for me, it's not," he muttered as they walked into the briefing room.
~~~
"Can you walk?"
"Yes," said Chapel, gripping her phaser so tightly her knuckles were white. "Are there any more Saurians out there?"
"Not between us and the shuttle. Come on." Chapel and Uhura crept through the alley, Chapel's right arm hanging loosely. The recon mission had gone well -- they'd gotten the passcodes that would let them into the building with the lab -- but one of the Saurian guards had fractured her radius and dislocated her shoulder.
Just as they reached the last cross street, a shadow appeared in front of them.
Chapel fired. She missed. Uhura took the Saurian out.
"Someone will have heard that," Uhura murmured, her voice pitched at precisely the correct timbre for stealth.
"Sorry. I'm not the best shot -- ow -- left-handed," Chapel gasped as they picked up the pace.
"Or when you're in crippling amounts of pain?"
Chapel glared. "McCoy better have remembered to take a dermal regenerator on this mission."
"Christine." Uhura put a hand on her uninjured shoulder. "You know better than anyone how long it'll take you to heal. Even with a regenerator --"
"I know," Chapel snapped. "We'll talk about it back in the shuttle. I'd prefer to plan this out where there isn't anyone around to hear us."
The two hurried through the streets to the caves outside town where the shuttle was hidden.
~~~
The bridge was silent. In a non-emergency, it was generally quiet, but even the computer's automated processes seemed to still.
"What's going on down there?"
Spock turned towards Kirk from Uhura's station. "Captain, I am monitoring their frequencies. Your interruptions make it difficult for me to do so accurately."
Kirk grimaced. "Sorry. I -- sorry." He sat back in his chair, foot tapping impatiently. "They haven't made contact?"
"Negative."
"Mr. Chekov, how long have they been down there?"
"Four hours, sir."
"Dammit." Kirk ran his fingers along the armrest of his chair. "Where are they?"
"Away mission regulations state that contact in a hostile environment should not be attempted if the transmissions could be monitored by outside parties. As you are well aware, Captain, silence is sometimes necessary. I can recall several instances where you judged it unsafe to report a mission's progress to Enterprise."
"That was different," Kirk said. "Besides, it turned out all right."
"Indeed."
"You'll tell me the second they check in."
"As I indicated, I am monitoring their frequencies."
~~~
"Well, now what are we going to do?" With Chapel resting in a corner of the shuttle, McCoy could move into worrywart mode with a clear conscience.
"The passcodes are only good for another forty-five minutes," said Sulu. "Whatever we do, it has to be fast."
"Dammit."
"There will be at least two guards outside the lab, besides the scientists," said Chapel. "Uhura, can you take them both?"
"If I have to, but carrying all those hyposprays and my phaser will be difficult."
"We could stage a diversion," said Sulu. "McCoy and I could break in elsewhere -- since we're men, they'd focus on us and you could sneak through."
"They wouldn't desert the lab," said Uhura. "You'd be in harm's way for no reason."
McCoy ran his hands through his hair, tugging at the roots. "Anyone got any bright ideas?"
"Yes," said Uhura. "But you're not going to like it."
~~~
"Spock, any word?"
"No, Captain. If there had been any communication, you would have heard me speaking to the away team. As I previously stated, I would tell you the moment they made contact. They have not yet done so."
Kirk frowned. "This was a simple mission. They should have at least checked in by now."
"Based on data from previous missions, I calculate that the away team has a seventy-four percent chance of encountering unforeseen complications."
"And ... what are the odds that they'll be injured?" The light tone in which Kirk asked the question was belied by the tight fist at his side.
"I have not made those calculations. If you will allow me a few minutes, I can --"
"No. That's fine, you don't have to -- I just wanted to know if ..." Kirk smiled ruefully. "It's all right, Spock. Carry on."
~~~
Uhura ducked into a doorway to wait for McCoy. If she were the sort of woman to heave impatient sighs, she would have, away mission or no. She peered out of the doorway. McCoy was marching down the corridor, a determined look on his face. She jerked her head. "Get in here," she hissed.
"When we get back to the ship, I'm writing a memo to Starfleet Command. These uniforms are ridiculous," McCoy muttered.
"You're just noticing this?" Uhura rolled her eyes. "Never mind. The lab is just ahead." She sneaked a look out of the door. "Two guards. The passcodes are good for another ten minutes."
"Wait!"
Uhura darted back into the doorway. "What is it?"
McCoy made a face. "My --" He gestured vaguely at his chest. "They won't stay straight."
"Oh, for the love of --" Uhura pushed McCoy against the wall. "Hold my phaser." Avoiding his eyes, she tugged on the spare uniform that had been in the bulkhead of the shuttle. "There," she finally said. "Now. When we move out, try not to walk so -- obviously."
"What do you mean?"
"I mean that since they don't let men anywhere near the lab, you should try not to move so much like a man in a dress."
"Dammit, Lieutenant, I'm a doctor, not a debutante. I don't flounce."
"I didn't say you had to flounce. Just -- walk this way."
~~~
"Shuttle Four to Enterprise, come in."
"Spock here, Shuttle Four. What is your status?"
"Hello, Commander." Uhura smiled. "We are leaving Sauria's orbit and on an intercept course."
"Acknowledged. Were you able to complete the mission?"
"Affirmative," said Uhura, the slight edge to her voice impossible to detect over subspace communications but obvious to the crew members in the shuttle. "We have the Galenol emitter and will deliver it to Mr. Scott upon docking."
"I will inform Mr. Scott."
"Thank you, Commander."
"Stand by, Lieutenant." There was silence on the comm channel for a moment. "The captain wishes to inquire if any members of the team sustained injuries."
"Affirmative, but none life-threatening. Doctor McCoy was able to tend to us."
There was another brief pause. "The captain is glad to hear it. I confess, it would have been regrettable if yo- if anyone had been gravely wounded."
"Thank you for your concern, Commander," said Uhura quietly. "Shuttle Four out."
~~~
Sulu helped Chapel out of the shuttle before jumping back in to help Uhura pull out the Galenol emitter.
"Well done, everyone," said Kirk, walking up to them with Spock at his heels. He looked at the emitter. "Is that it?"
"Aye, sir," said Scotty, coming from the other side of the shuttle. "I'll get her turned on. Sulu, can ye give me a hand?" They picked it up and carried it towards Engineering.
"Nurse Chapel, are you all right?"
"Yes, Captain. The fracture wasn't bad, and Doctor McCoy was able to set it. There won't even be a scar by tomorrow."
"Excellent." Kirk turned to Uhura. "Lieutenant, I seem to remember a report you wrote on the necessity of regular communications by away teams."
Uhura straightened. "Yes, Captain."
"You said they were, and I quote, 'essential for the safety and well-being of the team and the crew on board the ship.'"
"Yes, Captain."
"And yet for some reason, you didn't make contact with Enterprise until the mission was over."
"Yes, Captain."
"Would you care to explain this ... discrepancy?"
"My apologies, Captain," said Uhura as she looked at Spock. "We encountered unforeseen complications."
"I see. Well, carry on." Kirk walked over to the shuttle and poked his head inside. "Bones, are you in there?"
"Nope."
Kirk stepped into the shuttle. "What's wrong? Are you hurt?"
"I'm fine, Jim. Go away."
"I can't do that, Doctor. You see, I need a briefing from every member of the away team before ... what are you wearing?"
McCoy stalked past Kirk. "I don't want to talk about it." He headed for the shuttle bay doors, pulling at the skirt of the uniform in a vain attempt to cover more of his legs. Kirk chuckled and followed him out.
Author's name: youngcurmudgeon
Written for: b_dsaint
Pairing/characters: Hints of Kirk/McCoy and Spock/Uhura
Rating: PG-13.
Warnings: Away mission injuries, cross-dressing, Leonard McCoy's vocabulary.
Disclaimer: If this were mine, there'd have been a musical episode.
Notes: This isn't as explicitly shippy as I wanted to write, but I hope you enjoy it anyway!
"I won't do it and that's final," said McCoy flatly.
"Bones, will you just -- hang on." Kirk bent over, and started to take off his boot. Hopping in place, he wriggled it back and forth until it came off of his foot. He turned it upside down and shook it.
A tribble fell out.
"I thought I felt something in there," he said in satisfaction.
McCoy glared. "Are you done? Can I go back to doing my work now?" He brushed past Kirk and began scanning the padd on the counter.
"Bones, I'm not asking." Kirk finished putting on his boot and regarded McCoy with a serious look on his face. "I'm ordering you to produce the serum."
"I won't do it, Captain. Throw me in the brig for insubordination if you have to, but I won't be an accessory to murder, and that's what you're asking me to do."
"You told me yourself, it doesn't kill them if you administer it correctly."
"And how many of your hamfisted security officers will be able to administer it correctly?" McCoy glared at Kirk with all his might. "Do you know what happens to a Saurian that ingests too much protein? First they can't breathe. Then their lungs start to fill with blood as their hearts try to clear the airways. The body temperature drops. The limbs begin to retract into the body. Sorry, Jim, but there's no way I'm letting anyone on the away team near the serum."
Kirk stared at McCoy for a moment, before lowering himself into a chair. "Who would you trust to do it?"
"Don't try that on me, Jim. You're not getting any of my staff to go down there either."
"You think I'd willingly put you, or anyone else on this ship, in danger?" Kirk said, putting a hand on McCoy's arm. "You know I wouldn't do that."
"Of course not. Why put anyone else in danger when there's a chance you could get yourself killed? Dammit, Jim," McCoy snapped, "Do you ever think about what's gonna happen on the day I can't fix you back up?"
Kirk tightened his hold on McCoy and pressed his lips together. He stared up at McCoy, eyes resolute.
"Bones," said Kirk quietly, "we need to do this. We have to. The Saurians are the only ones who have the Galenol emitters that will stop the tribbles from reproducing."
"There's got to be another way! We can't save ourselves by wiping out an entire lab of scientists who've done nothing except protect their research. What does that make us?"
"I don't want to wipe them out! I just want to get a Galenol emitter so we can stop the tribbles from taking over the ship. Now, I can do that without killing the Saurians, if you help me. If you don't, I'll have to send my hamfisted security officers down. So. Who do you trust to administer the serum?"
~~~
"I still don't understand how I was dragged into this," said Uhura as she and Chapel walked down the corridor towards the briefing room.
"Doctor McCoy thinks you'll be able to administer a dose that will incapacitate the Saurian scientists without killing them," said Chapel as she checked her phaser.
"Based on what, exactly? My long and storied history of successful medical aid? Or, for that matter, my glorious away mission experience?"
"Honestly? The fact that you're a woman and not an idiot. The Saurians won't let any men near their labs, but ... well, Doctor McCoy seems to think most of our female security officers won't be able to dose the guards without giving them too much of the serum."
"So you're telling me I'm going on this away mission because I'm delicate enough?" There was an edge to Uhura's voice.
"I think it's more that he's seen how you deal cards," said Chapel.
Uhura raised an eyebrow. "And that's sufficient experience for not killing people?"
"The Saurians' blood flow is very particular," Chapel explained as they reached the shuttle bay doors. "I'll take you through the injection procedure, but it really just takes a light touch with a hypospray."
"Which is what Doctor McCoy is known for, of course."
Chapel grinned. "Now do you see why he asked for you?"
McCoy and Sulu were waiting for them outside the briefing room.
"Right, let's get this over with," said McCoy. I don't want to spend any more time than I have to waiting for you two to get past those guards. I'll give you the rundown now, and we'll practice injections in the shuttle. Now skedaddle!"
Uhura looked at Sulu. "What's with him?"
Sulu shrugged. "Don't look at me. I don't even know why I'm on this mission. Technically, you and Chapel are the only ones who can get near the lab, and McCoy's cleared for flight status."
"Cleared is one thing," put in Chapel. "Doing it without the captain to keep him calm? That's an entirely different kind of flying, altogether. Trust me, Sulu, it's safer this way."
"Not for me, it's not," he muttered as they walked into the briefing room.
~~~
"Can you walk?"
"Yes," said Chapel, gripping her phaser so tightly her knuckles were white. "Are there any more Saurians out there?"
"Not between us and the shuttle. Come on." Chapel and Uhura crept through the alley, Chapel's right arm hanging loosely. The recon mission had gone well -- they'd gotten the passcodes that would let them into the building with the lab -- but one of the Saurian guards had fractured her radius and dislocated her shoulder.
Just as they reached the last cross street, a shadow appeared in front of them.
Chapel fired. She missed. Uhura took the Saurian out.
"Someone will have heard that," Uhura murmured, her voice pitched at precisely the correct timbre for stealth.
"Sorry. I'm not the best shot -- ow -- left-handed," Chapel gasped as they picked up the pace.
"Or when you're in crippling amounts of pain?"
Chapel glared. "McCoy better have remembered to take a dermal regenerator on this mission."
"Christine." Uhura put a hand on her uninjured shoulder. "You know better than anyone how long it'll take you to heal. Even with a regenerator --"
"I know," Chapel snapped. "We'll talk about it back in the shuttle. I'd prefer to plan this out where there isn't anyone around to hear us."
The two hurried through the streets to the caves outside town where the shuttle was hidden.
~~~
The bridge was silent. In a non-emergency, it was generally quiet, but even the computer's automated processes seemed to still.
"What's going on down there?"
Spock turned towards Kirk from Uhura's station. "Captain, I am monitoring their frequencies. Your interruptions make it difficult for me to do so accurately."
Kirk grimaced. "Sorry. I -- sorry." He sat back in his chair, foot tapping impatiently. "They haven't made contact?"
"Negative."
"Mr. Chekov, how long have they been down there?"
"Four hours, sir."
"Dammit." Kirk ran his fingers along the armrest of his chair. "Where are they?"
"Away mission regulations state that contact in a hostile environment should not be attempted if the transmissions could be monitored by outside parties. As you are well aware, Captain, silence is sometimes necessary. I can recall several instances where you judged it unsafe to report a mission's progress to Enterprise."
"That was different," Kirk said. "Besides, it turned out all right."
"Indeed."
"You'll tell me the second they check in."
"As I indicated, I am monitoring their frequencies."
~~~
"Well, now what are we going to do?" With Chapel resting in a corner of the shuttle, McCoy could move into worrywart mode with a clear conscience.
"The passcodes are only good for another forty-five minutes," said Sulu. "Whatever we do, it has to be fast."
"Dammit."
"There will be at least two guards outside the lab, besides the scientists," said Chapel. "Uhura, can you take them both?"
"If I have to, but carrying all those hyposprays and my phaser will be difficult."
"We could stage a diversion," said Sulu. "McCoy and I could break in elsewhere -- since we're men, they'd focus on us and you could sneak through."
"They wouldn't desert the lab," said Uhura. "You'd be in harm's way for no reason."
McCoy ran his hands through his hair, tugging at the roots. "Anyone got any bright ideas?"
"Yes," said Uhura. "But you're not going to like it."
~~~
"Spock, any word?"
"No, Captain. If there had been any communication, you would have heard me speaking to the away team. As I previously stated, I would tell you the moment they made contact. They have not yet done so."
Kirk frowned. "This was a simple mission. They should have at least checked in by now."
"Based on data from previous missions, I calculate that the away team has a seventy-four percent chance of encountering unforeseen complications."
"And ... what are the odds that they'll be injured?" The light tone in which Kirk asked the question was belied by the tight fist at his side.
"I have not made those calculations. If you will allow me a few minutes, I can --"
"No. That's fine, you don't have to -- I just wanted to know if ..." Kirk smiled ruefully. "It's all right, Spock. Carry on."
~~~
Uhura ducked into a doorway to wait for McCoy. If she were the sort of woman to heave impatient sighs, she would have, away mission or no. She peered out of the doorway. McCoy was marching down the corridor, a determined look on his face. She jerked her head. "Get in here," she hissed.
"When we get back to the ship, I'm writing a memo to Starfleet Command. These uniforms are ridiculous," McCoy muttered.
"You're just noticing this?" Uhura rolled her eyes. "Never mind. The lab is just ahead." She sneaked a look out of the door. "Two guards. The passcodes are good for another ten minutes."
"Wait!"
Uhura darted back into the doorway. "What is it?"
McCoy made a face. "My --" He gestured vaguely at his chest. "They won't stay straight."
"Oh, for the love of --" Uhura pushed McCoy against the wall. "Hold my phaser." Avoiding his eyes, she tugged on the spare uniform that had been in the bulkhead of the shuttle. "There," she finally said. "Now. When we move out, try not to walk so -- obviously."
"What do you mean?"
"I mean that since they don't let men anywhere near the lab, you should try not to move so much like a man in a dress."
"Dammit, Lieutenant, I'm a doctor, not a debutante. I don't flounce."
"I didn't say you had to flounce. Just -- walk this way."
~~~
"Shuttle Four to Enterprise, come in."
"Spock here, Shuttle Four. What is your status?"
"Hello, Commander." Uhura smiled. "We are leaving Sauria's orbit and on an intercept course."
"Acknowledged. Were you able to complete the mission?"
"Affirmative," said Uhura, the slight edge to her voice impossible to detect over subspace communications but obvious to the crew members in the shuttle. "We have the Galenol emitter and will deliver it to Mr. Scott upon docking."
"I will inform Mr. Scott."
"Thank you, Commander."
"Stand by, Lieutenant." There was silence on the comm channel for a moment. "The captain wishes to inquire if any members of the team sustained injuries."
"Affirmative, but none life-threatening. Doctor McCoy was able to tend to us."
There was another brief pause. "The captain is glad to hear it. I confess, it would have been regrettable if yo- if anyone had been gravely wounded."
"Thank you for your concern, Commander," said Uhura quietly. "Shuttle Four out."
~~~
Sulu helped Chapel out of the shuttle before jumping back in to help Uhura pull out the Galenol emitter.
"Well done, everyone," said Kirk, walking up to them with Spock at his heels. He looked at the emitter. "Is that it?"
"Aye, sir," said Scotty, coming from the other side of the shuttle. "I'll get her turned on. Sulu, can ye give me a hand?" They picked it up and carried it towards Engineering.
"Nurse Chapel, are you all right?"
"Yes, Captain. The fracture wasn't bad, and Doctor McCoy was able to set it. There won't even be a scar by tomorrow."
"Excellent." Kirk turned to Uhura. "Lieutenant, I seem to remember a report you wrote on the necessity of regular communications by away teams."
Uhura straightened. "Yes, Captain."
"You said they were, and I quote, 'essential for the safety and well-being of the team and the crew on board the ship.'"
"Yes, Captain."
"And yet for some reason, you didn't make contact with Enterprise until the mission was over."
"Yes, Captain."
"Would you care to explain this ... discrepancy?"
"My apologies, Captain," said Uhura as she looked at Spock. "We encountered unforeseen complications."
"I see. Well, carry on." Kirk walked over to the shuttle and poked his head inside. "Bones, are you in there?"
"Nope."
Kirk stepped into the shuttle. "What's wrong? Are you hurt?"
"I'm fine, Jim. Go away."
"I can't do that, Doctor. You see, I need a briefing from every member of the away team before ... what are you wearing?"
McCoy stalked past Kirk. "I don't want to talk about it." He headed for the shuttle bay doors, pulling at the skirt of the uniform in a vain attempt to cover more of his legs. Kirk chuckled and followed him out.