Rylie, please take this off your email list.
I now have two blogs. One for thoughts about things that don't matter but occasionally it holds a really great cryptic message, and this one. The one were anyone who would follow this expects it at this point to be about unhappy relationship issues.
I'm kind of bummed out. I finally actually feel lonely. It may be because I was reminded what it was like again to be cared about and loved only to have it distanced after I was already hooked on the feeling coursing through me. I haven't been sleeping well again and realized the last time I had constant trouble sleeping was early last December (at least on nights I wasn't passing out drunk after taking advantage of my new legal ability to do so).
Oh well I'll survive.
This insomnia comes with the perks of a constantly racing mind, which will be good for waiting tables, and also writing blogs. I know we'll be fine, but this is one of my more trying trials.
Since I've been in Boston the story has gone as follows. When I do rarely have a crush on a girl, like real genuine interest, I can usually land a date. As things barely start to progress I usually do something pretty nice or at least we have a nice date. By this point, somewhere in the process, I've screwed something up. Either I showed too much or didn't show enough interest they no longer want a part in it. Or maybe they show interest elsewhere. Maybe it's my ego, or maybe I've just gained more self worth, but if someone I show interest in seems to lose interest or focus elsewhere I almost instantly become unattracted. I don't feel I need to put in more time and effort if the getting to know you stage has bored you. I know I'm worth at least more than that.
But that's Boston, a city of people who are dying to find something better when the reality is there is plenty going on right here.
I only worry that I'll feel that same neglect and resentment towards you. I don't want to, and I know the situation is different, but it's just one of my worries. For everything I'm doing right now I still have plenty of worries of things that are out of my control. This is important to me and I no longer have the reassurance I had that helped me sleep soundly for almost 10 months.
I'm kind of bummed out. I finally actually feel lonely. It may be because I was reminded what it was like again to be cared about and loved only to have it distanced after I was already hooked on the feeling coursing through me. I haven't been sleeping well again and realized the last time I had constant trouble sleeping was early last December (at least on nights I wasn't passing out drunk after taking advantage of my new legal ability to do so).
Oh well I'll survive.
This insomnia comes with the perks of a constantly racing mind, which will be good for waiting tables, and also writing blogs. I know we'll be fine, but this is one of my more trying trials.
Since I've been in Boston the story has gone as follows. When I do rarely have a crush on a girl, like real genuine interest, I can usually land a date. As things barely start to progress I usually do something pretty nice or at least we have a nice date. By this point, somewhere in the process, I've screwed something up. Either I showed too much or didn't show enough interest they no longer want a part in it. Or maybe they show interest elsewhere. Maybe it's my ego, or maybe I've just gained more self worth, but if someone I show interest in seems to lose interest or focus elsewhere I almost instantly become unattracted. I don't feel I need to put in more time and effort if the getting to know you stage has bored you. I know I'm worth at least more than that.
But that's Boston, a city of people who are dying to find something better when the reality is there is plenty going on right here.
I only worry that I'll feel that same neglect and resentment towards you. I don't want to, and I know the situation is different, but it's just one of my worries. For everything I'm doing right now I still have plenty of worries of things that are out of my control. This is important to me and I no longer have the reassurance I had that helped me sleep soundly for almost 10 months.