(no subject)
so i left because it was time for my life crisis. the most painful section of my life crisis was choosing where to go away to have it. i think thats because thte crisis had already started before i managed to leave. first i spent a few days in retreat in my house with ashley. we wrote some songs, did yoga and cooked. then i had my crisis about where to go, where i just lost it. i was so dissconnnected from myself, i was totally unable to make decisions. i had nothing to inform me about what to do, because i wasnt listening to the sections of myself that had information. then i went to california. hung out in sf for a few days. had an amaqzing easter day with heidi at glide church, and with her parents. had two nice breakfasts with people. went to a BM party, which was a bit overwhelming. saw people, but generally, it wasnt that great seeing them, because they were all just goiing about their daily business, working. and i was kinda stuck inn the city, staying with people as a favour. i had to get out of there. so i went to harbin. which was, of course, fantastic. im contemplating living there for a bit. i sung with the krishna/rama/sita lovers, watched some movies, bathed and bathed, contemplated different ways to related to men who i wanted or didnt want near me, got hold of this AMAZING book called sapphos leap, which has informed a lot of the strategies for reducing life crisis. i recorded some stuff, went for walks in teh woods, slept next to deer. bathed and bathed and bathed. then i went down to morgan hill for a mother wound workshop, which was - as i had kind of guessed - what i was needing. there were four of us there on our saturn returns (age around 27/28) and the rest were mothers, in their 50's. it was very good and inspiring work. i made friends. then i hung out in santa cruz. swap in the sea. slept. wrote, sang, talked well with people, recorded sounds. then i came back to SF for a goodbye meal, whcih was somewhat chaotic, and then flew home.
soon as i got home, it was bank holiday, so i went to somerset with ashley, and two of her friends from the twin cities. they wanted to goto glastonbury, so we went. i was amazed at the level of conciousness about the godess, there. normally, i am met with a feeling of cultural berevement when i come home from SF, or anywhere, but this time, i was met with a whole city of people who were ready and excited to carry on the mother wound work. it was phenominal. and the sychronicities have continued since i returned, and they are strong ones.
at the moment im writing music for jyrki, which is half way through, and i think it will come out ok. im trying to realign my practice with the spiritual side, that used to be so strong in me, and needs to come out. im allowing myself just to do creative projects, for jyrki, for myself, and for another project in finland ive been asked to participate in for the month of May, but after that im going to need another major income pretty fast. we will see how that pans out.
the weekend was interesting, i really wanted to get out, as always, i had the feeling of constriction towards the end of the week, but i was committed to playing the cello at supa compression. i called santi to check if my feeling of commitment was based in reality, and it was, so after we talked it through, i committed to staying put, and sitting through the feeling of constriction. so this is what london has to offer of a weekend:
i met a new family of amazing people. had dinner with them friday and saturday. i played at supa compression, and met new people, i saw simon and michelle and the big elephant in town. i did yoga, and upon calling for a shrine of some kind to enter into my life, went into town, and it was the bhuddas birthhday, so i got to bathe him, and workship in front of him, and eat the nastiest chinese food i ever have eaten. and on sunday, i still got to skip out to the country, and we went back to the big castle that we had been to nine months before, and talked about a lot of good stuff.
so it seems london has cultural and social stuff to offer, plus the possibility to get to nature if desperately needed.
so there i am.
here.
soon as i got home, it was bank holiday, so i went to somerset with ashley, and two of her friends from the twin cities. they wanted to goto glastonbury, so we went. i was amazed at the level of conciousness about the godess, there. normally, i am met with a feeling of cultural berevement when i come home from SF, or anywhere, but this time, i was met with a whole city of people who were ready and excited to carry on the mother wound work. it was phenominal. and the sychronicities have continued since i returned, and they are strong ones.
at the moment im writing music for jyrki, which is half way through, and i think it will come out ok. im trying to realign my practice with the spiritual side, that used to be so strong in me, and needs to come out. im allowing myself just to do creative projects, for jyrki, for myself, and for another project in finland ive been asked to participate in for the month of May, but after that im going to need another major income pretty fast. we will see how that pans out.
the weekend was interesting, i really wanted to get out, as always, i had the feeling of constriction towards the end of the week, but i was committed to playing the cello at supa compression. i called santi to check if my feeling of commitment was based in reality, and it was, so after we talked it through, i committed to staying put, and sitting through the feeling of constriction. so this is what london has to offer of a weekend:
i met a new family of amazing people. had dinner with them friday and saturday. i played at supa compression, and met new people, i saw simon and michelle and the big elephant in town. i did yoga, and upon calling for a shrine of some kind to enter into my life, went into town, and it was the bhuddas birthhday, so i got to bathe him, and workship in front of him, and eat the nastiest chinese food i ever have eaten. and on sunday, i still got to skip out to the country, and we went back to the big castle that we had been to nine months before, and talked about a lot of good stuff.
so it seems london has cultural and social stuff to offer, plus the possibility to get to nature if desperately needed.
so there i am.
here.