Life...
Well, today had it's shares of highs and lows. Mostly lows.
After last night's slight jab at the heart from my dear friend whom used to be more than a friend, I am reeling and I just cannot seem to find my balance. But, this is the month of her birth, and I would like to present a gift, and not have a breakdown. So the challange is fairly steep. I have sought refuge in my gaming pastime, games of choice; Lost Magic (Nintendo DS) and Pokemon Emerald (GBA). I will also be delving into the Wii for emotional escape.
I have to stand in awe of how much she means to me, even now. There are times when I wonder what all of this means. Perhaps I am too much, or too little of whatever it is that I am. Perhaps it was meant to turn out like this, but I am hardly a fatalist so this concept is not one that sticks.
Is it love, is it that this female is the only one to have ventured into the deepest corners of my being?
I wonder if I pushed her, I wonder if she maybe was left without choice in the matter. I make no bones about the fact that I was indeed overly emotionally dependant on her... I did indeed try my darndest to reign in the tsunami of raw emotive garbage my mind is capable of. Even now, I seek to prove that I am...okay to her. That's it... I have settled my mind of the delusions that once plauged it, I do not seek to win, take, beg, device her back... I only seek some sort of stablity... If I could have anything it would be that... a genuine moment between us.... It doesn't have to be long... If it was but a millisecond where we locked eyes and knew peace. That would be a gift to both of us, I'm sure.
Instead of this, I shall write her a poem, probing the depths of my mind to find an expression of genuine love and concern for her...
And likely failing to the degree that has become my standard. And I shall seek a decent electronic birthday greeting for her... she is fond of gags, so perhaps I will go for a tacky humorous style one. And likely follow with a deeper, more seriously expressive one.
Pushing the subject back to games, I have been quite up a river against the Lord of Summer Haze in the game Lost magic. I have skirted victory on a few occourances, but to no avail. I have backtracked to level, and procure more fire element monsters to use
over the lava beds that drain the HP of any other element monster. I have also pushed the level of my Water magic to a level that I figure to be decent for the job. We shall see if this strategem pays off in future attempts.
Emerald has been easy-going as my main focus is to breed a Skarmory of decent stat and nature, to take into the Battle Frontier.
The three best members of my Ingame quest team have done well, but with D/P on the way, I seek to build a competitive team for Wi-Fi play. And being one of the people that was a fan of Skarmory before the burst in popularity in Gen III due to Spikes, I figure it is time I raised one. (earning a few more Battle Frontier Symbols wouldn't hurt either.)
Well, I think this shall do for the time being.
After last night's slight jab at the heart from my dear friend whom used to be more than a friend, I am reeling and I just cannot seem to find my balance. But, this is the month of her birth, and I would like to present a gift, and not have a breakdown. So the challange is fairly steep. I have sought refuge in my gaming pastime, games of choice; Lost Magic (Nintendo DS) and Pokemon Emerald (GBA). I will also be delving into the Wii for emotional escape.
I have to stand in awe of how much she means to me, even now. There are times when I wonder what all of this means. Perhaps I am too much, or too little of whatever it is that I am. Perhaps it was meant to turn out like this, but I am hardly a fatalist so this concept is not one that sticks.
Is it love, is it that this female is the only one to have ventured into the deepest corners of my being?
I wonder if I pushed her, I wonder if she maybe was left without choice in the matter. I make no bones about the fact that I was indeed overly emotionally dependant on her... I did indeed try my darndest to reign in the tsunami of raw emotive garbage my mind is capable of. Even now, I seek to prove that I am...okay to her. That's it... I have settled my mind of the delusions that once plauged it, I do not seek to win, take, beg, device her back... I only seek some sort of stablity... If I could have anything it would be that... a genuine moment between us.... It doesn't have to be long... If it was but a millisecond where we locked eyes and knew peace. That would be a gift to both of us, I'm sure.
Instead of this, I shall write her a poem, probing the depths of my mind to find an expression of genuine love and concern for her...
And likely failing to the degree that has become my standard. And I shall seek a decent electronic birthday greeting for her... she is fond of gags, so perhaps I will go for a tacky humorous style one. And likely follow with a deeper, more seriously expressive one.
Pushing the subject back to games, I have been quite up a river against the Lord of Summer Haze in the game Lost magic. I have skirted victory on a few occourances, but to no avail. I have backtracked to level, and procure more fire element monsters to use
over the lava beds that drain the HP of any other element monster. I have also pushed the level of my Water magic to a level that I figure to be decent for the job. We shall see if this strategem pays off in future attempts.
Emerald has been easy-going as my main focus is to breed a Skarmory of decent stat and nature, to take into the Battle Frontier.
The three best members of my Ingame quest team have done well, but with D/P on the way, I seek to build a competitive team for Wi-Fi play. And being one of the people that was a fan of Skarmory before the burst in popularity in Gen III due to Spikes, I figure it is time I raised one. (earning a few more Battle Frontier Symbols wouldn't hurt either.)
Well, I think this shall do for the time being.