(no subject)
*waves at long-lost flist*
I keep up with everyone, I just find myself staring in mute horror at the "update your journal" link these days. Too much to say.
First, to
magicalobizuth a giant thank you! She coordinated a massive donation for the non-profit where I work. The kids had a blast unpacking it yesterday and there was much squeeage over things like board games, movies, fab art supply kits, journals, books, TONS of markers/colored pencils/crayons, the ever elusive tape refills (*yoink*), and a TV! She will receive pictures of the squeeage very soon.
As to me: organizing for the academic job search is kicking my ass. It is a process designed to make you incredibly insecure and self-loathing. When you see yourself through a prospective employer's eyes, they are never wearing rose-colored glasses. Right now I see myself as someone with rusty French who has lots of teaching on her resume showing she's taught but no paperwork to back up the idea that she's any good at it. Thanks, Katrina.
My advisor is alternately going AWOL and giving me lots of scary-ass things to do. Just today it was still more revisions to application materials, the assertion that I really need to go to the MLA conference in Philly which is timed horrifically right between Christmas and New Years putting it smack dab on my mom's 60th birthday for which we were trying to plan a large to-do, buy into 2 professional organizations (with publications they were over a hundred a pop), submit a proposal for a different big conference (turns out I have less than 2 weeks to get that together), and biggest of all, try to arrange for an extended stay in France. All while continually looking for new job postings online. Did I mention that if I go to the Philly conference, it will be to interview for jobs and that makes me feel incredibly rushed and unprepared (I can handle rushed, but not unprepared).
My advisor seems to be unable to relate to two of my major concerns: family and money. In that order. The line goes dead when I say radical things like I don't want to apply for jobs in California because I can't afford to live there and neither could my mom and my goal was to have her closer and not farther away as I start my family (I hope, I hope in the next year we can start trying, but my body is being way weird since I went off the pill 7 months ago and that's another source of alarm, I have an appt in a couple weeks) and she retires. He doesn't get that spending 3 months in France would make for a huge financial strain-- like, how would one even manage it?--and that, you know, I don't really WANT to spend that long away from John? I'm not crazy, we'd survive a separation like that if we had to for a job or if one of us was in the military or something.... but. this is not that. This is not part of an existing career and it won't necessarily be an investment that will bear fruit.
I'm trying to meet him half-way. Apply for a couple jobs now like he wants but save the bulk of my energy for the February and April job listings. Submit the paper proposal, yes. I'm even looking at how to spend about a month in Paris (you will not believe the f'g airfare for the summer months. ALREADY. 1200, 1400....) at the end of which John would join me for an additional week of shared travel. Come back in time for the conference if my paper is accepted. Work on book proposal while I'm there if it works out that I can go.
But I'm just scared and small-feeling and overwhelmed. And my right-now job is tiring and ass-kicking and I'm never home anymore and I miss a lot of cool stuff. And it's full of deadlines too (just submitted my second grant app in 3 weeks). And all of that makes me a sucky online pal and a sucky mod these days.
But I do read YOUR posts. And I'm trying.
p.s. to thank you for reading all the way through all this whinging, I offer you a recipe for a magic elixir that seems to help me a great deal. Made it up myself. I call it a "White Frenchman"... vanilla vodka, chambord, and milk or cream. Use in the proportions most desirable to you. Then muddle a bit and sip. You won't regret it.
I keep up with everyone, I just find myself staring in mute horror at the "update your journal" link these days. Too much to say.
First, to
magicalobizuth a giant thank you! She coordinated a massive donation for the non-profit where I work. The kids had a blast unpacking it yesterday and there was much squeeage over things like board games, movies, fab art supply kits, journals, books, TONS of markers/colored pencils/crayons, the ever elusive tape refills (*yoink*), and a TV! She will receive pictures of the squeeage very soon.
As to me: organizing for the academic job search is kicking my ass. It is a process designed to make you incredibly insecure and self-loathing. When you see yourself through a prospective employer's eyes, they are never wearing rose-colored glasses. Right now I see myself as someone with rusty French who has lots of teaching on her resume showing she's taught but no paperwork to back up the idea that she's any good at it. Thanks, Katrina.
My advisor is alternately going AWOL and giving me lots of scary-ass things to do. Just today it was still more revisions to application materials, the assertion that I really need to go to the MLA conference in Philly which is timed horrifically right between Christmas and New Years putting it smack dab on my mom's 60th birthday for which we were trying to plan a large to-do, buy into 2 professional organizations (with publications they were over a hundred a pop), submit a proposal for a different big conference (turns out I have less than 2 weeks to get that together), and biggest of all, try to arrange for an extended stay in France. All while continually looking for new job postings online. Did I mention that if I go to the Philly conference, it will be to interview for jobs and that makes me feel incredibly rushed and unprepared (I can handle rushed, but not unprepared).
My advisor seems to be unable to relate to two of my major concerns: family and money. In that order. The line goes dead when I say radical things like I don't want to apply for jobs in California because I can't afford to live there and neither could my mom and my goal was to have her closer and not farther away as I start my family (I hope, I hope in the next year we can start trying, but my body is being way weird since I went off the pill 7 months ago and that's another source of alarm, I have an appt in a couple weeks) and she retires. He doesn't get that spending 3 months in France would make for a huge financial strain-- like, how would one even manage it?--and that, you know, I don't really WANT to spend that long away from John? I'm not crazy, we'd survive a separation like that if we had to for a job or if one of us was in the military or something.... but. this is not that. This is not part of an existing career and it won't necessarily be an investment that will bear fruit.
I'm trying to meet him half-way. Apply for a couple jobs now like he wants but save the bulk of my energy for the February and April job listings. Submit the paper proposal, yes. I'm even looking at how to spend about a month in Paris (you will not believe the f'g airfare for the summer months. ALREADY. 1200, 1400....) at the end of which John would join me for an additional week of shared travel. Come back in time for the conference if my paper is accepted. Work on book proposal while I'm there if it works out that I can go.
But I'm just scared and small-feeling and overwhelmed. And my right-now job is tiring and ass-kicking and I'm never home anymore and I miss a lot of cool stuff. And it's full of deadlines too (just submitted my second grant app in 3 weeks). And all of that makes me a sucky online pal and a sucky mod these days.
But I do read YOUR posts. And I'm trying.
p.s. to thank you for reading all the way through all this whinging, I offer you a recipe for a magic elixir that seems to help me a great deal. Made it up myself. I call it a "White Frenchman"... vanilla vodka, chambord, and milk or cream. Use in the proportions most desirable to you. Then muddle a bit and sip. You won't regret it.