shit that i hate
so ima just use this when i got something on my mind and i have no where else to put it. except i coulda put it on xanga. eh, fuck it.
so i hate it when anyone ever compliments me. i dunno, i should feel "flattered", but it just fucking pisses me off. all of a sudden i deny their compliment and jsut start fucking bagging on myself. i REALLY REALLY REALLY don't like myself. i mean, if i had the power to split into two people, i'd have one of my selves kill the other. but not both. part of the reason why i tried to kill myself those times was cuz i jsut hate myself and want me to die. life, can deal with. just not myself. cuz i 'm one of those ppl.... a perfectionist. yeah, saves a lota time to jsut say that instead of givin an example. and if i don't do my best i go crazy. cuz i know that i can do better, i can be better. and i'll never be happy with myself. i dont' give myself breaks. i don't go soft, i don't let myself get away with being human. everyone else, i love. i believe in them and all that shit. but myself.... i just hate me. i hate myself so much i would kill myself but i won't cuz suicide is like yeah.
what scares me is that one day i might stop hating myself and hate everyone else. that's pretty scary cuz then i'd go psycho. i'd kill not for fun or wealth or anything but just the fact that i'm killing, like a machine, no motive, just does what it does. isn't that pretty fucked up?
so yeah, i hate it when ppl compliment me. and one of the thing's that goes through my mind is if i'm so good, then how come all this shit happens to me!? i mean.... i'm one of the most pathetic little ass fuckers i know. i just really can't stand myself. i'm this lil pathetic waste of oxygen and ugh. just i can honestly say i hate myself.
hey.... so that's where all my hate goes. cuz yeah, i' supposedly one of the nicest and most understanding ppl ever. lol. it's just so strange how someone like me can be so different. i love the world and i'm all for peace. but inside, i'm at war withmself and everything i do and i hate myself so much. it's strage and weird, isn't it? ehhh that's all fer now.
so i hate it when anyone ever compliments me. i dunno, i should feel "flattered", but it just fucking pisses me off. all of a sudden i deny their compliment and jsut start fucking bagging on myself. i REALLY REALLY REALLY don't like myself. i mean, if i had the power to split into two people, i'd have one of my selves kill the other. but not both. part of the reason why i tried to kill myself those times was cuz i jsut hate myself and want me to die. life, can deal with. just not myself. cuz i 'm one of those ppl.... a perfectionist. yeah, saves a lota time to jsut say that instead of givin an example. and if i don't do my best i go crazy. cuz i know that i can do better, i can be better. and i'll never be happy with myself. i dont' give myself breaks. i don't go soft, i don't let myself get away with being human. everyone else, i love. i believe in them and all that shit. but myself.... i just hate me. i hate myself so much i would kill myself but i won't cuz suicide is like yeah.
what scares me is that one day i might stop hating myself and hate everyone else. that's pretty scary cuz then i'd go psycho. i'd kill not for fun or wealth or anything but just the fact that i'm killing, like a machine, no motive, just does what it does. isn't that pretty fucked up?
so yeah, i hate it when ppl compliment me. and one of the thing's that goes through my mind is if i'm so good, then how come all this shit happens to me!? i mean.... i'm one of the most pathetic little ass fuckers i know. i just really can't stand myself. i'm this lil pathetic waste of oxygen and ugh. just i can honestly say i hate myself.
hey.... so that's where all my hate goes. cuz yeah, i' supposedly one of the nicest and most understanding ppl ever. lol. it's just so strange how someone like me can be so different. i love the world and i'm all for peace. but inside, i'm at war withmself and everything i do and i hate myself so much. it's strage and weird, isn't it? ehhh that's all fer now.