One minute at a time
I don't know about you, but for me- life is complicated. Mostly I embrace this complexity. I say there is no easy answer. Subjectivity is paramount. Every person and every story comes from a highly individualized set of circumstances that can not be repeated. Reality is what you make of it.
It's true that in order for society to jerk and stutter along we have to come to some common definitions for things that may not jibe with all of humanity. Color blind people do not share the universal definitions for certain colors, for an easy example. On the more complex end of things, my understanding of what it means to be a woman is likely not the same as yours. I am a product of my past, present and future. I am an evolving and contradictory beast.
The reason I'm going into all this is I think it's important that anyone who might stumble across this journal understand that I see things in grey. There is no black and white, good or evil, right or wrong, god or devil. My moral compass is likely not inline with yours. I know this might ruffle some feathers, but I'm talking about me, not you. You are your own unique blend of beliefs and I celebrate that. Just don't push your perspective onto mine and we'll get along great. And I'm not targeting anyone here. This is more of a public service announcement, disclaimer kind of thing.
On a daily basis I endeavor not to assume things about people, and in the same breath I make lots of horrible and snarky snap decisions about people. It is a constant teeter-totter ride that I've come to accept. I am both empathetic and judgmental. It's not always convenient or easy to negotiate a grey world- though I'm sure there are those who would argue that point with me. I guess I'm just a fan of context, and when you're constantly putting things into a larger picture, things get blurry pretty fast. When it comes to all of us getting along the best we can together, as a society, my personal rule of thumb is this: Don't push anything on me. Don't push your religion, your violence, your kindness, your culture, your anything. In your own space, you are free to do what you please. Some people will read this and think I'm supporting extremists with my "live and let live" attitude. That's not what I'm saying. I'm saying if you love Jesus, that's great. But don't tell me about it unless I ask. Don't assume I'm on the same page, or can be made to be on the same page. Have opinions all you want, but understand that they're your opinions. Information is information. Allow me to make up my own mind and understand that we don't have to agree on things. You don't even have to understand where I'm coming from. It's okay to agree to disagree. This doesn't mean I don't like or respect you. In fact I'll probably respect you more if you have your own opinions and perspectives on the world. And to go back for a minute, just so we're clear I'm saying that inflicting pain onto others is not okay. When your do this your are pushing your crap onto me. Self destruction is fantastic, and consensual violence is its own ball of wax.
What I'm getting at is that complicated and contradictory are ways I'd describe life. And I think that's a good thing. I am a blend of thoughts and feelings that I've culled from a rich variety of sources, and I intend to nourish this mix until my last mortal minutes. I'm not interested in having answers as I find that to be a fixed point. I like to evaluate, re-evaluate and so on, as my understanding expands via new information and experiences.
On a related but different note, you should know that even though I have no desire or intent to inflict physical harm onto others, I do have a rich and fucked up inner world of violence spinning around in my head. I am able to safely negotiate these dark feelings via virtual scenarios in which I am allowing the thoughts to breathe. For a long time I've been trying to free "the darkness" from my head and get it into my art. This is more complicated than it sounds. There are all kinds of reasons why that kind of honesty is dangerous. Less dangerous is privately exploring things on the internet, reading subversive books, fantasizing about things in the shower and so on. I am working on being brave enough to be honest within my art, but it's a work in progress. In the meantime I'm happy that I have outlets for my violent and twisted streak, so that I don't turn into a tense and angry and potentially harmful person.
I've gone on enough for today.
It's true that in order for society to jerk and stutter along we have to come to some common definitions for things that may not jibe with all of humanity. Color blind people do not share the universal definitions for certain colors, for an easy example. On the more complex end of things, my understanding of what it means to be a woman is likely not the same as yours. I am a product of my past, present and future. I am an evolving and contradictory beast.
The reason I'm going into all this is I think it's important that anyone who might stumble across this journal understand that I see things in grey. There is no black and white, good or evil, right or wrong, god or devil. My moral compass is likely not inline with yours. I know this might ruffle some feathers, but I'm talking about me, not you. You are your own unique blend of beliefs and I celebrate that. Just don't push your perspective onto mine and we'll get along great. And I'm not targeting anyone here. This is more of a public service announcement, disclaimer kind of thing.
On a daily basis I endeavor not to assume things about people, and in the same breath I make lots of horrible and snarky snap decisions about people. It is a constant teeter-totter ride that I've come to accept. I am both empathetic and judgmental. It's not always convenient or easy to negotiate a grey world- though I'm sure there are those who would argue that point with me. I guess I'm just a fan of context, and when you're constantly putting things into a larger picture, things get blurry pretty fast. When it comes to all of us getting along the best we can together, as a society, my personal rule of thumb is this: Don't push anything on me. Don't push your religion, your violence, your kindness, your culture, your anything. In your own space, you are free to do what you please. Some people will read this and think I'm supporting extremists with my "live and let live" attitude. That's not what I'm saying. I'm saying if you love Jesus, that's great. But don't tell me about it unless I ask. Don't assume I'm on the same page, or can be made to be on the same page. Have opinions all you want, but understand that they're your opinions. Information is information. Allow me to make up my own mind and understand that we don't have to agree on things. You don't even have to understand where I'm coming from. It's okay to agree to disagree. This doesn't mean I don't like or respect you. In fact I'll probably respect you more if you have your own opinions and perspectives on the world. And to go back for a minute, just so we're clear I'm saying that inflicting pain onto others is not okay. When your do this your are pushing your crap onto me. Self destruction is fantastic, and consensual violence is its own ball of wax.
What I'm getting at is that complicated and contradictory are ways I'd describe life. And I think that's a good thing. I am a blend of thoughts and feelings that I've culled from a rich variety of sources, and I intend to nourish this mix until my last mortal minutes. I'm not interested in having answers as I find that to be a fixed point. I like to evaluate, re-evaluate and so on, as my understanding expands via new information and experiences.
On a related but different note, you should know that even though I have no desire or intent to inflict physical harm onto others, I do have a rich and fucked up inner world of violence spinning around in my head. I am able to safely negotiate these dark feelings via virtual scenarios in which I am allowing the thoughts to breathe. For a long time I've been trying to free "the darkness" from my head and get it into my art. This is more complicated than it sounds. There are all kinds of reasons why that kind of honesty is dangerous. Less dangerous is privately exploring things on the internet, reading subversive books, fantasizing about things in the shower and so on. I am working on being brave enough to be honest within my art, but it's a work in progress. In the meantime I'm happy that I have outlets for my violent and twisted streak, so that I don't turn into a tense and angry and potentially harmful person.
I've gone on enough for today.